Married with Children

Hi Anandchitra,

Very nicely written post , enjoyed reading it repeatedly .

I too can relate to many incidents and comments experienced by these ladies. Till date I do not have an iota of regret about not being employed. I frankly admit I am not that efficient enough to manage both home and office. So it was not at all an issue for me about whether I want to be stay-at-home mom - I just couldn't think otherwise. When others used to ask in gathering or parties, [even as recent as 10 days ago ] what do you do - my answers of housewife/ homemaker/mother was met very condescendingly and rudely by the other ladies. One among them in fact asked me if I'm educated !! Another one 'advised' me of some websites to apply ---- I frankly told them that I appreciate women who can handle both home & office beautifully, but I cannot do my best if I have one leg in each boat . Nobody even spoke to me properly after that & kept in their circle only.
When I am extemely happy & satisfied with my decision -- what is their need to pass comments ? Am I any less b'cos I'm not working outside the home ?

The worst part is just because I do not work, people assume that we are very rich that's why there's no need for me to work ...it really boggles me how people think ...

 

I'm not working for the past 2 years...I don't see any difference whether I'm working or not with regards to my kids...not sure if this stay at home thingy is overrated...

 

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My kids are 8 and 4. Maybe one should stay home only if they enjoy it, else it can get v stressful...

 

I might be digressing but I think Laura is controversial due to things like her comments about wife's share of blame in husband's infidelity, using the N-word on her show, perceived hypocrisy over live-in relationships, her old nude pics, her son's web page, etc.
To me, it seems that she has been unfairly targetted sometimes, especially about her past pics and her son's personal web page.. also some of her comments have been taken out of context.

Her basic message that wives should be nice to husbands, that babies need mom,etc is common sense; but personally I feel she is many times unnecessarily rude on the radio show, probably for the shock value - but then, I guess the callers probably know what they are getting into..

 

I have personally seen sahms in my kids school who beat and scream at their kids...it can't be good to face that the whole day...I spoke to one of them and she told me she is so frustrated staying home with her kids all day...of course there will be working mums like that...my neighbor is one..she screams at her kids once she is home...whether u are working or at home does not make u a good mum...u have to be a good person first...I'm not judging capital punishment but I pity the kids who have to face this at such young ages...

 

Dear AC i liked the way you project yourself being employed as a 100 percent home maker. Because me too sailing in the same boat. I was working till my 8th month of pregnancy. After 6 months of maternity leave i rejoined with so much of enthusiasm, but my health and mind does not cooperates with this stressful BPO jobs. So i quit my job after 2 months trial period in the same company.
I too wonder when i see same age group girls (moms of small kids) working in the same department with same level of stress. I questioned myself "how come they able to manage both home and office? why can't i? I am sluggish to take any extra responsibilities? am i lazy? But my health also did not cooperate along with my mind, so much of back pain so i quit my job without any delay.

Now i feel stress free of course, but some times the thought of dependence makes me so weak. Though there is no problem in getting money from my husband, i feel at least i should go for some part time job after two years, as i child is 3.5 years now to meet at least petty things.

Definitely saying your posts makes me so self satisfied with what i am now. Again this would definitely be a mind refresher for me as i too had so many thoughts over unemployed after kid.
Thanks for sharing AC.

 

Nice post Op,
I am also in the same boat as you. Left my well settled job for the sake of raising my DS.Although during pregnancy thought to leave him in daycare/nanny after parents leave, but wasn't able to do it when the day came. Couldn't imagine leaving my baby in someone else arms, kind of felt daycares as orphanage( sorry if i hurt someonce feelings here, but it was how i felt),, anyway i am glad i stayed home, some how i feel my son looks happy than his counterparts who go to daycare( and then this is my experience, i might not have seen all billion kids out there),, he is never frustrated even when tired(ofcourse he is not angel) but definitely there is some kind of peace in him, which i think came out of all the attention, love and caring from parents.
Anyway coming back to myself,, i worked for about 8/9 years before leaving, and we were financially well settled, husband in very good position. Ofcourse back on the day i left my job, my salary definitely made a dent on savings, still we didn't care, son came first. Ofcourse friends/relatives did ask, may not be to the extent of how others described, as b'coz may be they know we r well settled etc etc,, what i experienced was different,, my friends were giving reasons for them not leaving their jobs to raise kids, like my husband said no, will loose work permit, can't afford etc etc,,, i was thinking, why are they giving explainations to me, i didn't ask them, why they didn't leave their jobs,, its their choice,, after a while some of them started feeling jeolous, and started passing comments indirectly like "your dad will give you that/this" ,,,as my parents were well off in india, they started thinking , may be thats why i left job.. But reality was no matter what i would have left job, with or without savings. Its not like i will get my dad's money to US. Kudos to all those moms who had guts to leave their jobs, and kudos to all moms who are managing work and home.
We all have our own preferences based on our experience and capacity. So lets not put others down, as everyone has some reason or other to take a decision. Neither staying home is laziness nor working is a previlage or vice versa. Feel free to feel sorry for those who are trying to find reasons for others decisions, and trying to put others down as they couldn't kind the reason, which is reasonable for them