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" You Must Be A Spoiled ...!" From The Heart Of An Only Child.

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by kkrish, Dec 15, 2019.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Society will be judgemental no matter what!

    If you don’t want to or don’t have kids- get ready to be judged

    having kids late - get judged

    having them early - get judged

    Kids by c- section - get judged

    fertility - get judged

    Single child - spoilt

    Twins/triplets - one shot!so easy all done in One go!


    Two kids same gender - you don’t Want to have a boy/ girl?

    so it is never ending
     
    ILoveTulips, Greenbay, kkrish and 4 others like this.
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Kamala,

    I really enjoyed your detailed analysis of your own life as the only child and how people misinterpret the only child as spoiled one. I am sure this would be helpful to many parents who have a single child. My wife is the only child as well but she got along well with all her cousins as they were all raised in one city. We have a only child as well but he is able to share with almost anyone without any need for us to motivate him to do so, right from his young age. He is far from being a spoiled child. Sometimes we feel, we could have been more lenient towards him when he was a child. Probably, my wife heard similar comments from others when she was young, she was extra careful not to hear it again about her child.

    Interestingly, my wife also told me how she had imaginary friends when she was young. Many told me she was very social as a teenager. As a matter of fact, she reaches out more and share more as a single child. Even today, I see her mom being so demanding to her and I end up making a comment to my MIL, "Are you trying to raise your child again?"
     
  3. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you for your lovely feedback @Rihana
    True. It took me many years, after having my own children and while teaching them about sharing, to realize this truth.
    Yeah. Folks need something to chew on. There is a flipside to every decision we all make. There is no perfect situation.
    Haha. That is so endearing to read. Yes, we never know when the kids will gang up against us. My elder son is like Rama , very soft, and my younger one is like Lakshmana, fiercely protective of his elder brother. I honestly make up for missing out on all these sibling interaction by watching my children.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2019
  4. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you @satchitananda Sats.
    That was plenty of food for my thoughts too.,
    I enjoy reading and hearing about such sibling interactions. My husband has a few siblings and he would tell so many tales.
    Thanks for sharing such heart warming memories.
     
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  5. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    You hit the nail on the head with this one @Vedhavalli .
    Isn't it sad that those siblings with whom so many beautiful moments were shared, suddenly give so much importance to money?
    Yes, I have seen strongly bonded adult siblings such as in my in laws, and then some relatives families where the siblings haven't stepped into each others home.
    The latter situatuon is one that i can never even come close to understanding. :shakehead:
    Guess this also is a resultvof poor parenting.
     
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  6. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, I agree. I have seen siblings who continue to have good rapport even after marriage and I have also seen some siblings who drift away and cause many problems after married life. I felt that whether one has siblings or not, not only parenting, many factors like personality traits, spouses after marriage etc all play a role in the maintenance of relationships. Just my experience and so told here. Everything is not a hard and fast rule; all depends and we all learn from our life’s experience.

    Regarding the one child policy in China; I too don’t agree; that’s the reason why they have huge problems with the elderly now and the reason why they relaxed. I just was ruminating about the people who have false perception about one child and what they would say the same about in a country like China. I too like you told didn’t want to discuss about the pros and cons of one or many kids.

    Just wanted to tell that being one child doesn’t equate with negative perceptions some people have. That’s what you have told succinctly.
     
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  7. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    @kkrish , love reading this post. If there was any need to prove the point , just your the care and concern you show, like this post, is reason enough to know that "only" child doesnt mean lonely or antisocial and that it is a combination of individual's personality and growing up environment makes a person.

    Siblings love can be very beautiful but then sibling's fight as adults is one of the saddest things on earth. I fondly remember our fights, my hate-u s and I am fiercely protective about maintaining my bond with my sibling , if that means understanding my sil and working within those boundaries , so be it. I have cousins - two brothers who were a role models, our parents berating us with how caring and supportive those two were. No fights, no gloating- ever. Their father passed away in the late teens and then they grew stronger together -supported each other - sacrificing and caring . It breaks my heart to see them on hardly speaking terms now- no, not at a place where they hate each other , but maintaining distance to maintain the delicate peace in families. I dont care whose fault it is, who should have done what or shouldnt have done that, that relationship shouldnt be where it is now. Makes me angry and sad , even though it is none of my business.

    It is not just about parenting, imho - sometimes life throws you some cards that it becomes hard to deal - you just try to do the best you can. I try and keep reminding my kids that "relationship above all else" through actions and can only hope and pray that they are there for one another, long after we are gone.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2019
  8. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamala I remember one Tamil song
    ENTHA KULANTHAIYUM NALLA KULANTHAI THAN MANNIL PIRAKKAILE
    AVAR NALLAVAR AAVATHUM THEEYAVAR AAVADHUM ANNAI VALARPPILE
    YES Parenting helps a child to be good or spoiled whether a single child or a number of children.One more point Parents are role model to their children.Loved your snippet
     
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  9. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you :) for writing this. I just have to have to express gratitude at this write up. Everyone's human, i do not know how some people just get to be more right and judgmental about others in situations they do not understand/undergo.
    I have digressed today from the main point of this write up also, considering that am feeling emotive about other happenings in the great tolerant nation of ours.
    Always a fan @kkrish
     
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  10. Agatha83

    Agatha83 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kk,

    What a great way of venting out your frustrations and anger through this powerful write up. A single child, two kids or dozens of them- parents have great responsibility in bringing them up. Present times call for more vigilance, financial stability and physical stamina when it comes to taking care of the kids. Everyday we read about a great number of suicides, the entire family along with the kids taking their lives, due to heavy debts or emotional incompatibility.
    Society is always judgemental, so let’s ignore them and spend the very little time we live in this world wisely.

    Agatha83
     
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