Yet Another Lakshmi, An Errant Lakshmi Again

varalotti · Oct 6, 2005

The Argument Continues!

Sudha,
When Lakshmi took a decision to agree to Raj's proposal, she did not decide to sleep with Tom Dick and Harry. At her situation she saw this as the only way out of her crisis and being forced to the corner she had to take the extreme step of sleeping with Raj. Marriage with a drunkard like Shiva could be hell. Its very difficult to count on parental support especially if the parents are ready to marry her off to a worthless person like Shiva. As I said earlier she has chosen the deep sea rather than the devil because the former has a few more escape routes than the latter.
sridhar

lakshmisuresh12 · Oct 6, 2005

Hi,

It was a good story, but i too agree, bad decision........No woman with self respect would take this decision I don't say that Lakshmi doesn't have self respect, but she would definitely lose her dignity afer that night.........In India, a woman is praised with the name of Ganga, for her purity....and she is most respected for that.....
It shows that Lakshmi is ready to lose her dignity, just for name and fame........
For a man, it is easy tp sleep with a woman and forget her next morning.....But that is not the same with a woman........I don't know how Lakshmi is going to take this matter.....But, for a woman, the person who takes awayher virginity shud be her husband and husband only...........And it is not a one night's game.......As Meena had mentioned, it cud also be series of night......Knowing this matter, someone else cud also take advantage of her.....What if her life gets spoiled like this......?
What if her parents get to know about this matter? If this matter is leaked out, who will marry her in the future....?
If she doesn't want to get married to Shiva, she cud have explained her parents. When she can convince her father for 1 years time to become a model and show up in Television, can't she convince them that he is drunkard and it is not good for her to marry him?
When her father is so co operative and friendly to grant her 1 years time, will he not cancell the marriage coz it may ruin his daughter's life? Or are they so cruel that to keep up their promise, they wud force their daughter to get married to a drunkard?
I don't agree with this Lakshmi........
Ok, for a moment, lets think that she is in a good position now, she is a very famous model and she has got all that she had dreamt of (name and fame) and now she is married also........Her husband somehow, gets to know about that night......Now, what wud happen top her life? Will her husband just forgive and forget thinking that she did that only once and only for the sake of fame?
After some time, Raj comes back in her life and now he starts blackmailing her.....What will she do? Where will she go? and whom will she tell all these things...? Will anyone support her for her decisiona nd will anyone come to her help?
Regards.

varalotti · Oct 6, 2005

A Good Analysis

You have done a remarkable analysis of the case. I agree with you on all those purity stuff, Ganga etc. But let's take the issue practically. The so called Ganga of an Indian woman is not allowed to marry of her own choice. In this case Shiva - a drunkard, a lazy rich fellow - is forced on her. Imagine what would her life be after getting married to such a person? Do you think she can live with self-respect? She will be a virtual doormat though she will be as pure as Ganga. To choose between this and that alternative concerns the relative priorities you give to your values. Lakshmi wants to be moral. Lakshmi wants to lead a fulfilling life with her self-esteem intact and live free from any bondage. These two values contradict in this situation. Of course that makes the case interesting. Now Lakshmi chose to give more priority to the latter value than the former. We can't find fault with her for that.
Agreed if some day her husband comes to know of that night their marriage may be affected. But these arguments are becoming less and less relevant these days. There are many men who marry divorcees and widows. Professional, educated, broad-minded men (in fact an ad model or a movie actress can only marry such a man) attach more importance to post-marital fidelity than pre-marital virginity. (In fact Khushbu is in deep trouble now for making a similar statement in public). Considering what is happening in places like call centres I think no one would mind that incident.
All the surveys point out that more than 90% of the men lose their virginity before marriage. The mere fact that the women don't expect their husbands to be virgins itself shows some kind of chauvinistic attitude that the men have been succesful in driving into women's minds.
Don't mistake me. I am for a highly moral life. I cannot sympathise with a girl (or for that matter a boy) who goes astray just for the fun of it. But Lakshmi's case is different.
The mere fact that Lakshmi's mother is forcing her to marry Shiva shows that she could not argue with her parents any further on the matter. Another alternative would be to run away from home; but then how will she live? She has to have a job. And she is passionate about modelling. I think these circumstances can be termed as extenuvating and make her deserve our understanding if not love.
sridhar

prathi · Oct 6, 2005

HI all,

Morally it is wrong and i agree on that with many of the ladies.

Before condemning or commending lakshmi's actions, we have to take a look into our indian society as it is now. Visit the Women's era website, and u will find some blogs about personal problems. There are various forums and questions in almost all forums pertain to sexual life and mostly on pre-marital sex. Potential brides asking questions like "will my hubby find out i have lost my virginity?" "i had sex with my boy friend, will i get pregnant?"and there is no end to such questions and i was dumbfounded to find that the degree of VOLUNTARY pre marital sex is so much on a rise. Sridhar mentioned that most of the men have sex before marriage, but to our dismay even their female counterparts are engaged in such acts and only in the name of LOVE, with least or no persuasion on the part of men. I ask, do we consider this moral or ethical. NO. But it happens all the time.

Though lakshmi is also morally blundering, i take consolation in the fact that she has a valid reason unlike many other such girls who do it unscrupulously just for fun.

lakshmisuresh12 · Oct 6, 2005

In that case, each and every woman in the world would be in a good position by now, by just spending one single night with an unknown person.........It is simply going to create problems.......nothing more than that......

Y shud she be like a doormat after marriage....? When she is so bold to take a decision to sleep with someone for her achieving the goal, can't she take a bold step to bring Shiva in the right way? Can't she turn him to a good Shiva only by her love?
Tell me how many real evidences we have where a wife has changed her husband for good.......Is this not practical thinking...?

Yes, it may be true that people have physical contacts before marriage and we have only seen them questioning what wud happen if anyone gets to know about it.....But, has anyone mentioned what has happened to their lives after knowing these bitter truths......?
Has anyone in any forums or any magazines, mentionedthat their betterhalf is aware of his/her pre- marital affair and now they have forgotten everything and living happily?

Just to fulfill her one wish, she is spoiling her own life.....Is this wish more than her verginity? Will she be able to gain that back?

I really don't find any necessity for her to sleep with Raj for a night......She cud have tried for the chance else where....It's not that everyone in that industry wud ask her to sleep for them for a night to give her a chance......

Their parents shud be really broad minded to allow their doughter for modelling.....When they r so broad minded, y shud they force their daughter? Will they not understand her problem? Wud any parents accept a drunkard as their son in law?

Lakshmi has taken a dare step....I agree...Not to better her life, but spoiling her own life......
Regards

varalotti · Oct 6, 2005

Thanks For Joining Me!

For a while I was wondering whether I would be able to hold water against a group of ladies arguing fiercely against Lakshmi. Thanks for joining me, Prathi.
I don't advocate free-sex or licentiousness. What I am telling here is given the forceful circumstances here Lakshmi is better off sacrificing her virginity than sacrificing her entire life and along with it her identity and self-esteem.
Prathi while on this we can also debate about Khusbu's statement which has created an uproar in the Tamil Media.
I for one feel that she is not wrong. She was given the results of a survey which said that pre-marital sex in the Indian cities is increasing especially amongst girls and women. She said that these days educated men don't look for virginity in their wives as they used to do in the past. She also said that premarital sex is a private act and so long as the girl takes enough precaution against pregnancy and disease it's okay.
The media proclaimed that she had maligned the character of Tamil women and there were a lot of protests, effigy burning et al.
Now just think Prathi, if a male actor had said that the males having pre-marital sex can go ahead provided they take the necessary precautions. Would there be so much uproar? Definitely not. Because we still treat women as our property and consider marrying a woman who has lost her virginity as buying an used car.
We have the right to preach chastity provided we have equal standards for both women and men.
In this case Shiva would have slept around the whole town - given his character, his addiction to drinking and a lot of time hanging over his shoulders. But no one has mentioned that. If Lakshmi demands that Shiva should be a virgin she would be ridiculed.
If we understand this difference we won't judge Lakshmi but try to understand her.
At the same time Lakshmi should not fall into the trap of sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry to stay in the profession. Then her life would be a greater hell than being married to Shiva.
sridhar

cooldude · Oct 6, 2005

...

I think its a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea !!

Definitely not marriage with someone despicable.

The alternative of sleeping with the director, is possible, if she can live without feeling guilty. Which might be possible, if she is desperate and ambitious enough to bury her conscience. But then, there is no guarantee that Raj would keep his word. So, I think she should not do it.

There should be a "third" option here ! Not choosing either of the two, but to go off somewhere else and do something different ?

varalotti · Oct 6, 2005

You have reasoned correctly but...

Cooldude you have reasoned out correctly. pl. see my earlier posts on this devil and deep sea simili. I have clearly stated that there is not much in the form of the third alternative.
About Raj not keeping his word... you are making Lakshmi's life more miserable than what I have already done. The moot question is given the circumstances whether what she did was okay? Not morally right but atleast justified by circumstances.
sridhar

meenaprakash · Oct 6, 2005

Matter of principle.

Circumstances justifying the action !!

If this is ever considered by the society, every man and woman who have gone aboard will have some circumstance to enumerate and justify their action.
Then what is Principle? There will be no such thing.
If one is moralistic and consider sleeping around either for fun or for any circumstance as negetive, then one should stick to the principle and not go through with it whatever be the circumstance.

regarding marrying shiva, again lakshmi could take a stern stand with her parents that she would rather stay without marriage than get married to a scum like that.
When you take a firm stand, and not waver like asking for one year time, or becoming a model etc., people like parents also give in.
When there is a wavering mind, everybody would take advantage to press their issues.

Lakshmi is herself undecided. She is of a wavering mind. No firm principle in life. Such people are doomed one way or another. It is just a matter of time.

varalotti · Oct 6, 2005

You have become very forceful,Meena

Those were very powerful arguments from your side. I am not here getting into the circumstances justifying the action and absolute moral principles. Laksmi taking a stern stand and arguing with her parents is okay for a discussion, Madam. But tell me honestly how many women have a real choice in marriage? Family circumstances, economic reasons and parental pressure decide the mate more often than a woman's mind.
Lakshmi is not undecided. You can accuse her of immorality but not of indecisiveness, for she took a very firm decision. Better to lose one's virginity now than to lose her identity and happiness later. Considering the number of women losing their virginity just for the heck of it (refer an earlier post which quotes womansera site of personal problems) Lakshmi is a Kannaki incarnate.
And these things have happened even in the oldest times. In Mahabaratha, the king Vichitraveeryan dies without heirs. The widowed queens of the king Ambika and Ambalika are sent to have sexual relationship with Vyasa to get a heir for the kingdom. Out of that sexual relationship was born Dhiruthastra and Pandu.
Hinduism was very forceful on preaching morality and discipline. At the same time it allowed relaxation in special circumstances.
Lakshmi's condition is no different from the widowed queens.
regards,
sridhar