Yearning For Care

Dear OP,

Since you are pregnant it is very important to take care of yourself first.Please do have your medicines regularly so that it does not affect your baby within you.The first thing on priority is to have medicines on time..don't neglect thyroid and diabetic tablets...that's fine if your husband doesn't care you or remind you on having tablets...but you need to take care of yourself and the little one within you...Just think your baby's health is in your hands. I understand that we women expect care and love from husbands..but atleast at this point of time if they cannot care or understand then there is no point in talking to them on this .

Regarding a maid you need to talk your husband,make him understand that you cannot manage house hold work and office work..you also have a toddler to manage...you need to show your tiredness and other health concerns to him directly.Tell him that you cannot stress yourself..If he is not ready to hire a maid then cook food as per your diet chart and ask your family members to follow it...you don't have to cook or act according to be their needs...First a fall stop pleasing everyone...just think about you and your kids now....

Why can't your hubby buy groceries..?stop buying yourself...make a list and ask him to get the required things..if not ask him to accompany you for grocery shopping..

I am not asking you not to take care of your hubby and mother in law but at this stage your health is much more important.

Eat healthy diet.include nuts and fruits in your diet...drink lots of water...have regular medications.

Expecting love and care is not at all wrong..we should definetly expect...But if they don't care it does not mean we need to stay unhappy always....love yourself...

 

Ammu,
Loved above lines said by you and so true.

 

Looks like the whole problem started once your mil fired the maid n made you do all the house / cooking work.

The first thing you have to do is, insist on getting new maid, cook n any help you need to make this situation smoother. In fact do the hiring process this weekend, don't wait.

If your mil wants to fire anyone, she better start doing those works.

Till then,
Cook only diet food n don't cook anything extra. Say you aren't able to manage.

Let the house be dirty, don't clean. Say your head is spinning.

Buying groceries, start ordering online or give a list n send hubby or mil, whichever works. Say you aren't able to do.

A lil bit of exaggeration might only help you in this situation. If they don't care enough even when you are 6 months pregnant, how are they gonna care normally?

Can understand your current mindset, when you are under this kinda stress due to work n home pressure n hormonal changes, these problems looks n gets even bigger.

Ups n downs n challenges are part of life, but don't neglect yourself or try to please everyone whenever it's going tough. No one would be ready to help you if you develop any serious health complications n this same mil will only blame you. So put your health first.

Regarding the 'more care' part, since things were going good when you had help, it should get better n also give you more peace of mind once you get back to your old routine.

If you are looking for more, be vocal about your 'care requirement'. Say I would like you to ask me this or do this for me. You can put up those demands romantically rather than as a complaint. Go for it!

 

I sympathize with you dear. It is very natural to expect care and affection. If people are taking you for granted, stop doing things for them. Don't take everything on yourself. For you, make yourself your first priority. Take good food and medicines on time. Why do you do grocery and cleaning? Stop doing all those and you will be surprised to see they will start doing things. In my first pregnancy, I stretched myself to maximum extent to do cooking. And it took a toll on my health and peace of mind.
Now I conceived second time. I totally gave up everything. I am not even feeding my kid. I am literally drained by the time I go home from work and all i want is to sleep. Now, my husband is cooking, cleaning dishes, feeding my kid and doing everything. I am so surprised. This is the only time you can get them to work.

 

Why don't you hire a maid. If ur mil shouts, just ignore her. Take care of ur health. Very important for the kid.
Stop grocery shopping. Take ur
medicines. ur husband doesn't seem to care,just ignore.

 

Please don't neglect your medicines so much.. it could possibly harm the little one inside you.I can understand you are feeling depressed plus hormonal effects so just telling try to motivate yourself because at-least your child will love you the most- So have patience.
Hire maid/cook and listen to no one - your pregnancy and baby's well-being is more important than what MIL/DH thinks or their unreasonable(cruel) expectations.Be bold and be patient because soon you are going to have a little angel for whom you will be the world.
As others suggested, do online grocery shopping if required. Don't do unnecessary household works- let them manage by themselves or agree to maid. In a few months, everything will be beautiful, till then be corageous.

 

How exactly are ur mil and husband pitching in for household work or caring for ur older child?

 

In addition to the advice everyone else has given here, I'd just like to add that since you are pregnant, it is twice as important for you to make sure that your health is 100%, especially once the baby arrives.
No one is going to look after you, you have to look after yourself. You have a 3 year old and another one on its way, you need to make sure that you are 100% healthy - both physically and mentally, in order to look after them properly. So start by analyzing what you do everyday in terms of chores, is it really so important that your MIL can't handle without you? As others have said, you can ask husband/MIL to take care of groceries and cleaning. And don't feel guilty by asking them for help and don't feel pressured to do it yourself either.
Take time for yourself, take your medicines on time, make sure you don't miss any doctors appointments.
What about your own parents or siblings? Are they close by? maybe you can visit them once in a while when you are feeling down. I find that just calling my mum on days that I am feeling down cheers me up. She is the only one who still asks me if I've had my lunch/dinner and if I'm looking after myself!