hc, (easier to shorten your member id like that), I think I kinda sorta get what you are trying to say. Such thoughts are difficult to phrase in a discussion and prone to getting easily misconstrued. We resort to examples and those also get dissected (understandably). Here's one more example. : ) Over the last 15-20 years, I recall reading many articles about Sudha Murthy. In some she talked about the regret of giving up her career. I've never been able to find those exact ones again, but, here is one that tells a bit about the choices that women face when married to some types of men. The bolded parts below are bolded by me, so they stand out, though the entire article is worth reading and short enough. How Sudha Murthy helped her husband build Infosys We take inspiration from her philanthropy and her simplicity, but Sudha Murthy has played a much bigger and bolder role in her life. She gave up her career and personal life to help NR Narayana Murthy turn his Infosys dream into reality. "He (NR Narayana Murthy) told me I require three years of your hard work and I will not be able to earn, you have to manage the family, and give me the initial investment. I said okay let him do it. When you do not have many things, then you do not get scared. What I would have lost, only three years in my career, that is okay I told," Sudha Murthy said in an interview with CNBC-TV18 which aired in 2007. The chairperson of Infosys Foundation, an author, and philanthropist, Sudha married Infosys Technologies founder NR Narayana Murthy in 1978. In 1981, Murthy realized his big dream and it was the beginning for Infosys, one of the biggest names in software consulting. A lot of reasons drove her to make that decision. < read the article for her reasons > But before making any decision, Murthy gave her the choice. He said that both of them could not be at Infosys together, so he gave her the choice of joining Infosys, but she chose to pull back. "It was very hard for me, it was not an easy decision because in 1968 I joined engineering college and 1972 I got graduated where there was not a single girl in the university. A person like me who was so career conscious, and so fond of technical things, it was very hard. However, Murthy being a very strong person, he said either you or me, either it is black or white, or one or zero," said Sudha. As Murthy worked hard with co-founders (Nandan Nilekani among them) to realize his dreams, Sudha became the rock that kept their relationship and Murthy's ambitions steady. She took the role of a homemaker and supported her husband but somewhere down the line she felt she lost her golden days. According to her, as we progress and achieve bigger things in life, it becomes more and more difficult to find true relationships. "I think, it becomes so hard to find out a genuine friend, genuine relation because everything is a transaction in one or other way. It could be money, it could be a job, it could be an association, and somewhere I feel I lost the golden days." I am glad my husband and I never felt the need to give each other such ultimatums, whether related to career, parenting, or any other lifestyle or life decisions. Cranky, impatient ones like "Either I can do the packing or I can print the passports, tickets...I can't do both. You pick which one you'll do. and leave one for me." do not count.