Worried About Sister

Sapna56 · Oct 5, 2016

hi
I am really worried about my sister. Sisters background. She's in her early 30's, slim and good looking. She got divorced last year coz her husband for a psycho personality and sexually not active. After getting divorced, she started looking for match. We then found a boy for her. Boy is also divorcee. He got divorced coz his ex was a doctor and he is BE and they couldn't get along with each other. Now initially this boy showed that he is a boy with self respect and dignity. He started dating with my sis. We all too liked him. But few months after dating he changed. He then asked for huge amount of money for marriage. The reason he gave is that he booked flat and all his salary goes in emi. We didn't like this. Now the boy is asking my father to transfer that amount in his loan account before marriage. And if he doesn't then he will not marry.
After dating her for few months he completely changed. Now they kind of broke up. They both had started preparing for marriage too. My father is not ready to give so much money before marriage.
Because of this my sister is very very depressed and she's also yelling out of anger and depression. This boy has hurted her more than her exhusband. I am very worried for my sis. If we try to console her she's not ready to listen. She instead says that we all are responsible for her broken relationship. She is also ready that my father should give him so much money. The boy looks very much money oriented.
Please help me out how do I handle this situation. And is it ok to let her continue this relation.

vaidehi71 · Oct 5, 2016

Hi,
Advice your sister to come to reality and break away from this guy. Not worthy to be married to this guy. Is will lead to worse consequences after marriage. In a way it is good that you people knew about this guy before marriage itself.
Take care,
Vaidehi

dc24 · Oct 5, 2016

Please try to tell your sister that this person is not worth a single penny ....what to speak of huge amount of money. Tell her that had you people been responsible for her terrible life...then all of you would not have been so much worried about her.

If possible...contact a reliable detective agency and conduct a background check on this guy and try to dig deeper about the reasons for his divorce with his ex-wife...

guesshoo · Oct 5, 2016

Don't give the money under any circumstance. Yiu are actually saving your sister. I'm sure on some level she can see what's going on.a he must raise the follow is a cad and a conman. I expect she's showing our her anger and disappointment on you all.

Remain calm and tell her you understand her disappointment but remain firm about not giving money. Show her newspaper articles about confidence tricksters. They live world over and persuade usually sensible people to part with their hard earned money for love. Stay firm and she should learn.

Narhari · Oct 5, 2016

I agree with dc24 and guesshoo. There is quite a chance that this man might be a conman with a criminal background who is trying to extort money. Under no circumstances the money should be paid . Make her understand that no man in love will ask for money. Did he introduce your sister to his family? Is his family also involved in this. I suggest it would better to counsel her before going into any type of relationship.

rai · Oct 5, 2016

I think your sister is afraid of a break up after a bitter separation from her ex- hubby. May be she realizes this guy 's foxy nature yet, she wants to hold on to him for fear of public acrimony. She's desperate & confused & the man has understood her psyche & is using her as a ploy to extract money from your side.
Do not yield. if you do it'll be an injustice to your sister. Let matters rest for a while if possible. If time is short , advice her through reliable friends/ relatives or counsellors.
Better not to get married to ths man than marrying & experiencing hell on a daily basis.
Comfort her & make her realise the situation . When things cool down, she'll be able to understand. may God open her eyes!

kavivenkateshan · Oct 5, 2016

Sapna,
However big a tragedy or sorrow arrives in our lives, time heals everything. Just have faith in God also you shouldn't be worried, leave her alone for sometime. Talk to her friends secretly and ask them to spend time with her. You can invite someone who is unaware of this incident so that your sister can talk with them on some different topic. Talking and discussing on the same thing will never get her out of this event. Also during such times when one is depressed no needs gyaan sessions from people around. It will irritate her more. She knows that no one above you or your parents empathise her. So leave her alone talk to her on different things which amuse her or make her happy.

As time passes by she will herself realise that this person is not worth her. Since they have spent some time together , she has got used to that person and would be missing him - that doesn't make her realise what is wrong and what is right. Your sister is lucky to have a caring sibling like you.

kcb · Oct 5, 2016

Don't give money at all. This guy is not reliable. It is a second marriage for him too, still he is showing his greediness for money. He is not bothered about his marriage, relationship or future, except money.

Tell your sister that, coming out of this relation is much better than going for a breakup after marriage. It is really difficult to lead a life with a partner who gives more importance to money than relationships. If he is behaving like this before marriage itself then, you can guess how his behavior is going to be after the wedding.

Your sister's behavior is understandable. May be she is too depressed and upset with the things going on in her life. She need lot of support now. Take her for a counselling. It may help her.

Pushhu · Oct 5, 2016

try to do a background check about that guy and his nature and why he has taken diverse with the first wife.....

Its better to contact his x-wife and you will get actual reason that made them divorced... only from her.

try to convince your sister for some days... I am thinking that he is not good... full of money minded....but she wont listen I know.... try to say politely... he actually made her like that may was acting like he is having so much affection on your sister in front of her.....

dont say immediately that you people wont give money... tell some reason for day(like some one has to give money back then only you can give to them) mean while you start doing background check... by the time you can visualize about that guy character to your sister....