Working Woman --- Promotion from Wife to Mother

hi Siri...

i must say that i am in the same boat as you are...

i am 25 years, a journalist by profession, and recently married. Before my wedding- I had a very good job with my initial posting in Europe and then shifted to the middle east. My parents were so proud of my career achievements and since i was their only daughter- they used to proudly showoff my achievements in public gatherings and enjoyed the public attention they got.

At the time of marriage, my husband had no objection in me continuing work and he told me whatever my decision is he will support me. But as soon as I got married, I conceived and so I willingly bidded goodbye to my career and instead choose to practise as a freelancer from home.

I am planning to take a break for 2 years when the baby is here and continue freelancing from home (again if i fancy) and i dont see myself going back o a full time job anytime soon. My parents are kind of unhappy with my decision and my mo keeps taunting me with my friends and her colleagues who get back to work after their maternity leave.

I at times feel, i want to tell her openly, but dont want to break her heart. My mom started working when I was 5 years old. I used to return from school to an empty house and cold foods (and a watchman opening the door for me as i couldnt reach the keyhole)... i remember checking at the hands of the clock and waiting for my parents to get home and when they got home, it was a tired couple who had no time for their daughter. As I grew up, my parents were there and they worked hard for me- but it didnt matter. I mean i didnt receive much of an emotional support and i was jealous seeing my friends and their families. I dreaded those times when i was sent to my grandparents' place. There was a lot of loving and caring but as a kind it suffocated me. I think for a very long time, i was a disturbed child.

I dont know when my mom noticed it and tried to spent time with me, but as a teenager (by then) it was not what i wanted. From a young age, i did have all the luxuries that life could give me, good cloths, school, toys, food but i terribly missed my parents.

I clearly remember crying as a kid and pleading to my mom to be at home when i come from school, or to attend my sports day- she was never there. Today when i look back, i understand she did that for me and for my wellbeing; but even today that pain and anger is very fresh.

Some argue saying that it is for the kid- but the child needs a human around, they might cry for a toy or dress- but that desire is short lived. The yearning for having your mom (even dad- but i guess kids are more attached to moms) and not having that leaves a raw wound within you.

Even today, I am an extremely emotional and insecure person and any small sorrow and issue that arises will end up with me having that feeling of being left one. My mom tells me that she has got me every toy that i point out for and taken me to every restraunt that I have demanded- but all that didnt and still doesnt matter; the pain of not having my mom around when i wanted and that lonely feeling still haunts me- even after having a doting husband.

That is exactly why I have decided that I will be there for my kid for however long as s/he needs me. My mom even the other day asked me, 'so what about all your education and experience?' I guess i will be selfish and use them all to nurture my kids and family...

I dont know how it will be for a kid to be left with a nanny or grandparents; but I feel you wanted to be parents and so you have to take the responsibility. Some people do have genuine issues of making the ends meet- but if you ve a choice, then my suggestion would be to be a stay at home mom...

I am sure, some day, your kid(s) will appreciate that

 

Sithara I just loved each and every line of yours. You are so confident and you are so mature to take such decision that to so early in life. Come on you are just 25 years old and you are so matured. You have said so many things in this post. Also when you have decided to go for motherhood and want to give your child your precious time thats the best dont listen to others after all its your decision so stick to it. Dont feel bad for anything. I really salute and appreciate to your decision. You have taken the best decision for which I am sure you are not going to repent at any point. God bless you.

 

Pranatim thankyou for your kind words...

this kind of support, means a lot to me

 

Dear Ladies,

I am also struggling with my career and my 3 year old daughter. I am also 25, working in IT. When my daughter was 6 months i returned back to work. Till the time she started talking few words, she is daily asking me "Amma why are you going to office?". And i can clearly feel the need for me in her. My MIL takes care of my daughter and i preapre food for B'fast and lunch in the morning. As sitharaj said everyday, i feel i cudnt provide nutritiuos or warm food for her.

Promtion to Mother role has so many side effects. MIL's balckmails saying she is going to native, then when my DD was 1 year 3 months i started day care for her. So many infections and struggles day by day. We also have a loan to complete

Very less help from husband too. Sometimes i feel, only for the sake of money why we are running like this and ruining ourselves. why cant we manage the household and expenses with one person's salary.

It all depends on our thought process and planning

 

Dear,
You share the same thoughts as mine. However, I got a chance to teach Ielts to students during my pregnancy and for 3 years after the delivery. I did this home based so I was able to give good time to my kids at their preliminary ages. I did not want to miss the opportunity of making them feel secured and loved everytime by their special person. Motherhood is the great and precious gift to woman hood and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Now when my younger child is going to turn 4, I have dropped her in the quality care which is of course highly reliable in Australia. There are various activities and creative time pass for the kids organised by the family day care center as well as the pre school where my daughter goes. Of course, after working, I am able to give more attentive and focused time to the kids than otherwise I would. This arrangement is helping both of us in exposing our potentials in the external world and being together and enjoying each other the best in the end of the day. It is truly on mothers how do they balance their time with kids. I do not want to show my exhausted presentation at this time and try to show my all affection and love during this part of the day. This is helping me.

 

@diwyasiri... it is first hand experience. anyways at times when i look back, my life was and is blessed in so many ways and thanks to my family for everything that i am in a position to see through things and of course to take such a decision... all the best to you and i hope the very best happens to you too...

@SSNmom... i understand your situation also. but like i said if we have a choice and if things are ok (like you said it is our though and planning) then maybe we take such a choice. and everyday isnt going to be like it is today, the loans will be repaid, husband will get the understanding right; actually it is all about the time also at times. Who knows how are lives will be in a few years or why so long; maybe in months... things will starighten up. just keep the spirits up and your daughter will love you for what you are doing for her.

however things have been, i adore my mom for the person she is. a strong lady with a voice, who followed her heart; though i have my share of qualms but i have learnt a hell lot from her and i still do. i am sure your daughter will also realise and see that part

@innerbliss... kudos to you. you come across as a perfect multitasker. i tell a friend of mine (who has just gt back to her job after delivery and who feels that what i have done is the biggest sin possible) that what matters is what you want and in what you find satisfaction and contentment. Why would a kid want to come home to a sulky stay at home mom; its all about our perspective and outlook to life. Like they say, every family has their own rules.

i know it can be difficult to manage with kids, home and career- i have seen ladies with that, why go far- i have seen my mom struggle with the same and i respect such ladies who are able to manage life so well

 

@Sithara, I acknowledge your post. As a working mom, I think I didnt do much justice for my dear daughter. All the guilt and frustration kept nagging me until i really made a "big" decision to simply take a break. Thanks to the support of my family, I am enjoying my time with my daughter. Yes, financially it is a drawback but emotionally and mentally it is definitely a rich dividend.

 

Very nice post...nice reading it.loved every bit of it.
yes, afterall its happiness and peace of mind that matters.