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Work Life Frustration Creeping Into Personal Life

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Ramyarc, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. Ramyarc

    Ramyarc Silver IL'ite

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    Hello All,
    I joined my current job 1 and 1/2 years ago. After joining the team I came to know that I am the junior most member in the team although most of my colleagues have similar years of experience but have a better position. I changed my career path and therefore ended up accepting this junior position. Since joining, I keep getting all the coordination tasks as everyone else is busy with bigger stuff. Over the last year I have managed to put in my effort and get better work but the coordination tasks have not left my plate.

    Overall I am satisfied with job but end up treated like an admin from time to time. I don't want to change job as the job market is not that great and I had to struggle a lot and reach out for references to get this job. I know that our work situation doesn't define us but this frustration kind of creeps up after work and I keep thinking about this in my spare time even though I don't want to. And this has also impacted my confidence in other areas of my life.

    Anyone in similar situation, how did you deal with this? How do I stop thinking about things at work after coming home?
     
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  2. Positivity02

    Positivity02 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ramya,
    It usually happens where the junior most in the team is given the "boring/ not significant but has to be done however" tasks. I had such an experience too when I changed jobs.
    Later in a few months,when I proved myself capable of doing better tasks, I could delegate the earlier tasks to juinors/freshers.
    -So, aren't there any new joinees in your team after you? If there is someone,you can inform your manager & delegate those tasks or at least share some of them.
    - Other option can be to discuss with your manager about this situation and ask if you can share few among the team
    Good luck to you!
     
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    If I were you , I would start off by working on improving my skill set ( courses , certifications ) while I gain experience and also wait for the job market to get better.
    This job was what enabled you to change your career path, so do your very best.
     
  4. Ramyarc

    Ramyarc Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Positivity and Manisha for sharing your thoughts.
    Unfortunately no junior members have joined after me so I have to continue with the coordination tasks.

    Yes i need to wait for the job market to get better while i gain experience and work on my skill set.
     
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  5. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    It would sound like unethical in professional life, I have seen this trick worked better with immediate supervisor. Working till late hours, in plain language, scena poduradhu . If you are in india, staying back in office for long hour citing work will create a better impression on you and she would start delegating next level tasks to you.
    Express to your manager that you are interested to take additional responsibilities like doing a, b,c tasks during a one on one discussion. Tell her you are kneen to learn other things related to this jobs. Meanwhile upgrade your skills as well.
     
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  6. startinganew

    startinganew Silver IL'ite

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    Hi @Ramyarc

    One perspective I wanted to share..

    Although it might seem like a unique problem to you - this is actually a little more common than we think - especially for women. i.e. "Being asked to do non-work related work". Women/Juniors in a team tend to get to be the first ones to do things likes "make a restaurant" reservation, "arrange the diwali party", "make changes to the doc". "can you co-ordinate the discussions between these two teams on topic X" "Review lots of logs/docs/etc and retrieve some piece of info - (or some boring monotonous work where you don't learn much in the process)"
    These are just some examples - I understand it could be anything else in your case.

    Unfortunately, once you start doing these things, you will be able to do it well and fast and that will only lead you to get assigned more of these tasks. :-(

    Also you will notice - that the team will be all-praise for your contributions (if it's a good team) When X makes the reservation - the place is always a hit. I really like how you handled the conflict in that decision between 10 different people - it would have needed me to make so many extra slides - lots of running around and convincing people, etc.

    When I was a new graduate I would volunteer to do *everything* believing I have all the time and I want to be "as good" of a team player as possible. Then when I started reading about this unique problem that women tend to have (women in tech groups do have some purpose in helping you identify "patterns" that are not just coincidences:)). In addition we find it harder to say no - lest we are not liked by our peers.

    I stopped volunteering gradually. Then when I noticed that everyone in the team is doing some of these "miscellaneous" tasks, then I help when I think it's my turn to contribute.

    I think it was important for me to not get in to this: because time I spent doing these things means less time to do the "real" work I will be evaluated with and it "ate" up my outside work time too. It's perfectly OK to do these tasks if you enjoy them - if it energizes you. But in your case, given that it especially affects your state of mind, please try and talk to your manager during your 1-on-1s. Start with a positive note - no manager likes the whining employee. State it as -
    "Although I really like helping the team out with administrative task a or b - I would like to focus on contributing my efforts to this project X and Y. It would be really nice if this work could be distributed or rotate amongst all those it benefits."

    A good manager wants to keep his/her team happy - and will at least try to relieve you off those duties that you are definitely not enjoying.


    The other aspect of this is "paying-your-dues" as an employee - no matter what age/stage you join a new company in, till you can prove yourself you have to do a little bit of the miscellaneous work. It is in your judgement though to make sure you are not being taken for granted. In your case, I feel you are truly burdened by it - so better to talk to the manager. Also don't expect an immediate fix from him/her. It will take time for them to plan and "share" your burden.
     
  7. Nuzhath

    Nuzhath New IL'ite

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    Hi
    This is the bane of any working woman. How to move on and maintain a healthy work-life balance. As a work routine, you should start tuning out of work - about 10 mins before leaving office. You should wind down, make a list of the frustrations you had for the day and file it in your mind for later. I mention 'frustration' since you seem to largely unhappy at the end of the day's work.
    As you leave your office, try to smile and wave at your colleagues or reception and feel happy that it was day well worth. Highlight what went well each day - to yourself on the way home. Develop a hard attitude - build a long term goal for yourself.
    As you enter your home, step in with a firm mind about not thinking about work. But if that doesn't work - set yourself a time and place where you can unwind about your work - because, if you are frustrated or unhappy with your job, the baggage will accumulate. Talk to your friend or relative about it.
    Having a mild hobby at home also helps - Nothing major like painting for an art exhibition!.. just some 5 minute - relax-myself routine. Have a potted plant at home - it will give you some responsibility.
    I think you are doing good - because you have accepted that the job is required and you are aware of the job market situation. Remember that every cog in the wheel contributes to the movement of the wheel.. so, if your plate is full of trivial tasks ensure your boss knows that these are the cogs that is keeping his project running! market yourself well and slowly the blues will fade away.

    Good luck!
     
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  8. Nuzhath

    Nuzhath New IL'ite

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    Agreed. A good manager always keep tracks of the time you spend on the given tasks.
    Talking to your manager about what is troubling you helps.
    Any company will have delegated roles for all tasks - however trivial. Apart from this, I have give a separate tip below on how to manage your work related worries at home..
     
  9. Ramyarc

    Ramyarc Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Nuzhath! The unwinding ritual you mentioned is good. I will start following that.
     
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Nice. You had given OP HEART AND SOUL and ideas contained there in workable though not immediately but in long run one would win hearts of many with elevation in status.
    Thanks and regards.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2019

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