1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Wife wants divorce - need advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by asterix23, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. asterix23

    asterix23 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Hello,
    I have known my wife for 4 years and we have been married for 2 years now. Around 3-4 months back, she got friendly with a co-worker from work. They started spending a lot of time together. Initially I was OK with it but as time passed,I started feeling a bit uncomfortable and talked to her about it. She indicated that he was just a friend and that I was over-reacting. We fought from time to time over this. About 2 weeks back during one of the fights, she indicated that she wanted to end our marriage as she had developed feelings for that person. She said that she no longer had any love for me anymore.
    Needless to say I am pretty devastated. I still love my wife a lot and I don't know where things went so wrong. We always had small tiffs in our marriage before but nothing major in my opinion. I find it very hard to believe that she could feel so strongly about a person whom she has known for about 3-4 months that she is willing to end our marriage. I tried to tell her that it could just be an infatuation and asked how she could be sure that the feelings for the other person would last but she seems to have a closed mind with anything I say to her.She is not willing to talk to anyone else for advice nor is she willing to go for counselling etc for our problems. She does not seem interested in being married to me anymore.

    Is there anything I can do to persuade my wife to come back to me?
    Should I start accepting the fact that I have lost my wife forever?
    I would greatly appreciate any advice. Thanks
     
    Loading...

  2. passionate89

    passionate89 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,414
    Likes Received:
    846
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Try once again to talk to her. If she does not listen, later you can talk about this with her parents and your parents.

    She told you that you were over-reacting. But now it became something else. Be straight to her and let her know that she owes a reply to you!!

    Ask her what would have she done if she was in your situation.

    One cannot let the relationship just die like that. Don't give up.
     
  3. passionate89

    passionate89 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,414
    Likes Received:
    846
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    You can always tell her that you let her talk to him because you trusted her. When you asked about it she said your over-reacting. Now it so happened that she is absolutely wrong. Don't leave this until she explains.
     
  4. anurar20

    anurar20 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    1,137
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    yes asterix i agree with passionate ask for explan.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    941
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    Put only one condition....for her to get your approval on separation....i.e therapy/counselling.

    She HAS TO COME for therapy/counselling before she says all done....its not a kids play and she has to growup and be an adult and show that she knows what she is choosing. if she is soo confident about her decision..nothin should scare her.....

    also did you call that other guy and talk to him??? call your wifes parents and tell them about their daughters behaviour.

    Last but not least...when was the last time you n your wife were on good terms? i mean caring/sharing and knowing what each other want.
     
  6. indus2

    indus2 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Sorry for you Dude, but all it not lost as its only been a few weeks. Is the guy married or single ? Is the feeling mutual or is that her impression ?

    Ask her to be patient and not take any decisions in haste. In the meantime, request her to stay with you like she used to before that guy came into her life.

    In my view, both of you should give this a month or two to sink in, then talk to your parents before taking any major decisions.
     
  7. asterix23

    asterix23 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks for all your replies. We are going to talk to her parents in a couple of weeks about this. From the way things are now, her parents persuading her from this step seems to be the last chance I have as nothing I say seems to make a difference to her anymore.
    She actually knows that she is doing a very wrong thing and feels very guilty about ruining the lives of multiple people by her actions(mine,hers,our families etc). However it looks to me that she feels that she has no choice and can't help not wanting to live with me anymore. She says that she is not attracted to me anymore. We were very good friends before we started dating and and she says that when I proposed to her, she just agreed because she liked spending time with me and she indicates that that is how its been all these years.
    Do couples feel attracted to each other throughout their marriage? I was always under the impression that after a while it was companionship that was more important and being friends with your spouse could only make things better.
    I guess I have been taking her for granted from time to time over the last couple of years but would that cause such a drastic step? I suppose I have also been guilty of not being very romantic by nature.
    If she feels that she doesn't love me anymore but if her parents convince or force her to return to me by emotional blackmail or fear of social stigma, would we be truly happy after that? I am willing to fight for my marriage till the very end because despite how she has behaved, I still can't help but love her but I am wondering if we are already at a point of no return or not.
     
  8. asterix23

    asterix23 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    The guy is single and it looks like he first told her of her feelings and then she responded though she says that she was also feeling the same way.
    I am totally pissed off with that guy but at the end of the day I did not marry him. He is not supposed to care for me or my feelings nor is he committed to me.
     
  9. asterix23

    asterix23 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I did speak to that guy.He also looks like he is feeling remorseful now though I wish he had thought of all that earlier.
    My impression was that we were always happy together. I guess now I need to go back and reevaluate all my assumptions. I mean before our fights on this topic started,we were pretty comfortable with each other - very few fights, adjusting behaviour(she adjusted more than I did though) - we used to spend time together and like doing it.
     
  10. asterix23

    asterix23 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I guess if I want the best advice, I should be as honest as possible. When I say that I talked to her about it when I was uncomfortable, that was not totally true. I started checking out her chat transcripts with that guy and started monitoring her chats,messages etc. She was not happy that I had done that and all these things also came up in the fights.
     

Share This Page