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Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    yes, it is mistake on my part. There is higher % of IL bashing that it almost looks like ILs are always getting a bad wrap.

    My ILs had their own weaknesses (some were serious); but, I could never undermine the fact that they are his parents and they have raised him. I was able to accept my ILs with all their faults; which allowed me to have honest communication with them. Over the years my ILs began to care for for me.

    There was reference "all MILs" in one of the post. That is what I meant when I wrote - "One can say my ILs ..."
     
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  2. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    I am sorry if my post came across as a judgment. That was not my intention. I thought we were just speaking about our own experiences and agreeing that grandparents are not primary caregivers.

    I understand everybody's experiences are different. Living in a joint family has a different set of rules than in a nuclear family.

    Thank you @Topaz49 for your kind words. I appreciate it very much!
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2020
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  3. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987 How do you paint a generalized picture based on your/friends experience? There are bad mils and good mils/bad dils too. To say that usually in-laws find it a problem is not true. There are two sides to anything, isn’t it? There are mils who help the dil and son both. Its tough to paint everyone with the same brush.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2020
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    If you had read my posts in this thread..I had also mentioned good mil and bad dil and vice versa..

    And even here I mentioned many Cases and not All Mil’s..

    I have also met really good MIL,really good DIL so am not saying everyone is the same.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2020
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    To read that our sweet, calm anika used a term equivalent to 'pain in the nether regions' for MILs, I was :eek: and :yikes:.

    I said to myself this can't be. And even if she said that it must've been prefaced and suffixed with profuse apology for the uncharacteristic words.

    Clicking on quoted post and reading it showed that @anika987 only used good words - usually, many, most, much ....
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    OP, sorry for the digression. Everyone is singing their own raaga in this thread as they relate to it in different ways based on their current station in life and personal experience. Seeing that misleading and unneeded summary, I could not stay without calling it out here itself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2020
  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    It depends on family to family on how much grand parents gets involved in grand child care , the smooth going depends on flexibility and maturity of all adults concerned.

    the grand children are biggest beneficiaries when they experience love and care of gps which Is usually more sweeter and more indulgent ....

    I think it should be welcomed wholeheartedly if they choose to get involved in care .
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    When a porridge on the stove is dilute, it boils with the steady ebullience of rising bubbles. And then as it gets concentrated, a thick skin forms at the surface, and that goes into a convex shape, and at some weak point, it breaks open, and heaves out a big sigh.

    Time to put in some more water, and give it a stir.

    Now is the time to transition into posts on the personal histories of how the baby-sitting Grandparents added and/or introduced the appropriate levels of dysfunctions within the family and thereby contributed to the early development of the children's abilities in the various survival skills for life.
    I would agree. They need a different label. After all, depending on their own capabilities, they perform a more complex task.
     
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  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Grandparents or no grandparents, I’d like to mention that taking care of babies in India and having a career is very different from other countries.

    In India the day usually starts with bargaining with either the cook/maid/milk vendor/driver/iron guy etc. There are days when the maid will be a no show. Or the cook won’t come. Or the driver will call to say “Madam, today I had to go to my village so I won’t be there for a week”. Why do we need a cook/maid etc. Because we have to start at least 1.5 to 2 hrs early, sit in Indian traffic(sometimes even getting sick in the car/bus) before getting to office. There will be a pile of night time dishes - the cook would have used those and left it for the maid. Why cook? Remember the traffic, it takes 2.5 hrs to get home. If you have to cross silk board, it may even be 3 hrs.
    Oh and the ladies who take care of the kids are the life lines. Not too many reliable day cares that pick up kids from school and drop at daycare. Even so, no day care stays open until mom gets home at 7 or 7:30 after battling traffic.
    Then moms have to deal with bosses and coworkers who make it a point to point out that they are leaving at 5 PM. Sometimes they go and turn on the lights at 8 AM but that’s never taken into consideration.

    After starting from home at 6:45/7:00 and getting back at 7:30-8, many moms still perform hours of child raising and other family activities. Even with all the help, most of them wake up at 5:30 or so and don’t get to bed until 11 pm.

    I don’t know about the rest of you but I’ve never had that much trouble working in America. Things just get done. Dishes get done. Vacuuming happens only once a week. The housekeeper just shows up without excuses. Driving is not as stressful even when my workplace was 45 miles away. Nannies usually work out once you find the right one. They don’t bunk as much.
    Employers are more reasonable, especially when it comes to child care issues. Nobody says - we are coming so should you, why should you get a free pass because you are a mom and your maid didn’t come.

    ^^^^^After all of this, women manage to hang onto their careers and do a good job of managing their homes. I’d like to applaud those women. Especially those that do it without help because we are supposed to be wonder women.
     
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  10. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes Rihana..Many can relate to this post.. Discussion is going on..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2020
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