Whom to be blamed? Just a case study....

All H cant be same. As I mentioned in my previous post after 2-3 instances of arguements. DW will start blaming MIL for the fights, atleast he should give an insight of why his DW needs to talk like this.

For Mom he can always give deaf ear as we do to our boss in office. Even if we dont like just listen and forget once done and carry on your plans.

 

Much easier said than done.
You can leave the boss in office and come home for a change... but where will the guy leave mother and find peace... at home he has mother.. at home he has a regular boss like others.

Not sure how ppl can give a deaf ear to their boss at work and carry on with their ORIGINAL plans.. till now I've only learnt never to screw up with BOSS or MIL unless you have a backup job or husband respectively.

 

Here MIL is definitely to be blamed for spoiling the married life of her son, but A's hubby had to be mature enough to say no beyond a certain point to his mother which he didn't. I agree that it is difficult for a son to say to his mother that she is wrong as a mother becomes insecure after her son gets married that she will lose control over her son's life(very few are mature to handle the fear like B's MIL in this case). Many MILs can't accept this fact that another woman has become an integral part of their son's life, which results in so much interference and issues with DIL. For every small thing MIL will try to control the life of the girl along with her son, as she becomes unwilling to let go of her control on her son to her DIL (MIL fears that DIL will control the son and DIL will run the house as per her wishes), forgetting that she (MIL) was also a DIL once and now she is imposing her wishes being unfair. For a son also it is difficult as his mom will throw tantrums and do emotional dramas and in cases where the son says anything in favor of his wife, he is cursed so much (u have to see how my MIL behaves with my DH when he says something in my favor while she is finding faults in me)! A man has to set limits as to how much he will listen to his mom and say no to her tantrums and taunts to his wife! It is a difficult choice as everyone's level of tolerance differs. My MIL is pretty nagging and annoying to all of us in the family (me, hubby and FIL are victims)! My hubby tells me to ignore my MIL's nonsense talks and just do what is needed and improve on the areas required. My hubby never says anything to his mom before me but I know there have been instances when he defended me from her usual saas type dramas (in my absence they argued). I know that he supports me so my MIL won't utter nonsense beyond a limit! For this reason I ignore my MIL's nonsense talks now as my hubby feels fine that I don't reply and my MIL now knows that she wont get a response so she keeps fuming inside but doesn't take it out! :bonk
I think a couple should not spoil their relation for the MIL, as its not just the DIL who is the victim but in many cases the DH is also victimized by the MIL. A couple needs to be mature enough and develop an understanding to not let anyone or anything spoil their married life.

 

My advice to A would be to ignore the MIL completely and concentrate on her relationship with her DH.

 

Ya... I too suggest the same.. It will surely make miracles in her life.

 

Sorry Tugga, but I realy feel it is the fault of the DH, ofcourse the MIL is at fault too, but it is not her responsibility to maintain peace at your home, right ? It is in the hands of the DH and DW only.

I remember there have been instances at my in-laws place as well, but my DH never supported just one of us (Me & MIL) infront of the other. He used to calmly analyse and discuss with us in privacy explaining who was at fault. Sometimes it really has been my fault where I used to get irritated, and do stuff to annoy my MIL, and then there was a time when my parents were not happy with the treatment they received from my Inlaws, and it was my DH who spoke to his mom, he just carefully explained that we could have done better or just suggesting something. It was not like he was siding with us either. You will not believe me, the same people my SIL, my MIL, her relatives who did that suddenly started talking so sweetly after my DH talked to them.

Though my parents still do not like to visit my Inlaws, I somehow gel with them better now, after a lot of showdown during our wedding. I also agree sometimes it is so tough to go against one's own parents, but the DHs can compensate by being nice to the DWs parents too, making the DW happy, that is possible atleast na.

 

At the end of the day both husband and wife should realize that they are married,and there is no place for 3rd person in it. A's husband is to be blamed. One is not a bad son if he tells his mom that she is wrong to treat his wife like that and insulting her is like insulting him so please stop.My friend (MF) was one day unfairly blamed for a disagreement between her DH and his father. As usually it was the MIL who said that MF must have brainwashed her DH.The DH immediately said dont blame her she said nothing and is completely innocent, these are issues with father from before marriage , that was the first and the last time MIL said anything against MF.

 

Hi,

I believe even though a MIL is actually a third person but thats the actual thing which results in her feeling so insecure. I still stand by the fact that its the MIL to blame, coz thats where the problem started. If she can behave reasonably like in the case of B, it would just be perfect for everyone. Its not necessary to shed your insecurities over other people and spoil their life.
Yes, i agree a's husband is behaving very leniently with his mother but its because of love and respect whereas his mother is just fending her ego.

 

Tugga,

I didn't read completly but this is what I wanted to write here.If you take a world,each country is equivalent in the world's globe.But not all the countries are getting equal share.Some countries are rich and some countries are poor and suffering.Women are suffering extremley no fault of thers.

So I feel,there is no point of comparing one to each other.Each one is different.And no point of blaming a person.We just have to take control of our life.That's all.

When you are driving on the road,suddenly we can hit by accident and no fault of ours.Whom can we blame.This is just life and accepect the way it is .

Small kids are suffering with cancer.Whom to be blamed??No one.

 

The couple is to blamed for the marriage falling apart , lets put the blame where it belongs and not pass the buck.
Maybe what the couple thought was love was mere attraction , maybe they did not like each other post marriage.
Maybe they got married for the wrong reasons.
If a couple wants the marriage to work it will , no third person, MIL or paramour can break a marriage.

Its easy to point fingers at others for our misery , but the answer lies within us.