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Who should Bare the Delivery Expenses?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by arch1984, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Never knew this condition before. I thought it is just my in laws, who are demanding such a spineless thing from parents. It seems, it is a norm in India. Ya, well... my in laws are also from India. (Now I can excuse them for this).

    If your father has to spend for your marriage, and then for the delivery, and then for each and every rituals concerning to you or the baby etc..etc... at his old age, then who will want a baby girl in India?
    It is rather a fair decision on parents to want only boy child, and even a clever decision on the villagers to do female infanticide. Because, having a girl child is too costly, and it makes you pay as lumpsum and in installments throughout your life.
    Contrastingly, having a son gives you supper power to demand anything on a girl or her parents shamelessly, and it is considered superiority with pride. What is this logic????


    When my delivered my first kid, my in laws demanded the same. Husband acted as a puppet to their demands. But I never let my mom or bro pay a penny to the hospital.
    Sadly, during delivery times both my credit card and ATM cards were left with husband. So, I couldn't pay myself either.
    However, I was great full that some of my jewels, including the ones they gifted me during the wedding remained in my locker, which helped the hospital bills and early recovery expenses.

    The more husband refused to pay, the more I refused to show them the tiny newborn.

    It has created a huge drama, which made us almost into separation.

    But, it also left a note behind. i.e, I won't accept any custom just because it is a custom. They got it right.

    The second time around, husband made a special saving to welcome the tiny girl. Although I was working, and my money could have spent on the hospital bills (after all, we have insurance and the amount will be reimbursed), I wished my husband to take the lead. It also helped me to heal from the previous scar he created following his parents.

    My mom and bro still spend on my kids. But we consider them as gifts and savings. When it comes to our expenses, it should be done by us. Not by our well wishers and outsiders.
     
  2. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel sorry for you. Such a happy occasion and such unnecessary tension.
    your in laws including your husband did wrong.
    Please have a clear calm chat with your husband explaining him your plight and also makie him understand that money should never come in such happiness!
     
  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I too had the same question in my mind.
    Kid get their family name...

    PIL build tension between hubby n wife, during a beautiful phase of life.
    When my MIL's brother asked who will bear expenses, at that time of delivery my dad had cataract surgery...
    I was lying in bed had c-section. Baby was just 4 hour old...(imagine my rage)I said, i will do. I have claim for this. Entire PIL family gave look to each other, MIL expected dad to pay. I will claim the insurance from office, MIL can take my money.

    According to me, definitely the parents of the new born should bear.
    So i did. My PIL were not happy.
    But it was my parents who took care of me from the 2nd month of my pregnancy and still they are taking care of DD.
    MIL dint lift a finger.
     
  4. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    This is a stupid custom followed in India to be frank....

    But, in India, it comes with in 50K, which is still not OK. In US Delivery expenses+Flight tickets is too much....

    U need to talk for your parents. Never let your parents down, stand for them....

    Talk to your husband. Tell him to take care of the expenses. If he doesnt accept, tell him you will give your money...you are working....stand for yourself...
     
  5. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Your husband n ur inlaws really behaved cheap....ur husband shuldnt say to ur dad to give money to his patents instead he shuld deny taking any money....u shuld have come forward to rescue ur parents saying that ur parents have made u capable of bearing expenses so u will not take any money from them and if they will pay the money so has to ur inlaws too...
    in my community husband parents bear the delivery expenses....but i claimed it frm my office insurance....my fil didnt want to spent a penny nor want to let his son pay...he wad restless till the time he got to know that i bore the expenses...
     
  6. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    @arch1984

    Not to hijack your thread, but I had a question on one of these never ending "formalities"!!
    What is the custom when DIL goes to in-laws place for the first time with child? I was informed that DIL's parents need to send a lot of sweets and stuff to distribute along with her and also clothes for husband's sister and her family. Is this true?
     
  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes...it is true...in my comnunity dil goes to inlaws place for delivery and dil parents are suppose to give lots of sweets and clothes for husband side of family...gold for the baby n mothet...silver utensil for baby...lots of clothes and toys for baby plus cash....also mother of the new born suppose to give gold to her sils....all this is must if a boy is born ...incase gal is born then it is done in lesser quantity...
     
  8. twity

    twity Bronze IL'ite

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    @Vennella,
    Yes there is such custome to send KG's of sweet of different kind and gifts and dress to all in inlaws family.In addition to gold for the new born.
     
  9. arch1984

    arch1984 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi everyone

    My husband is not at all comparable to his parents....when this topic of who should come and who should book the tickets came up with my husband...i said because we (me n my husband) are bearing the flight expenses...i said its better to book tickets only for my mom....as dad is still working and cant take leave for 3 months or so.....my DH said....no its your first delivery both your parents should be your side and he booked the tickets for both....

    In US even if v hav very good insurance...some amount should be paid by the patients too...which in rupees would be very high...yes my husband did take care of all the expenses even without saying a word...

    Yes my DH fights with in-laws only to tell them not to ask me...and also if he tries to say something they immediately cut off saying this is the practise that is coming from years together....and we did for your sisters too...

    Yes though my dad did go to in-laws house...he finally said...y the hell will i pay the expenses of US...i can only pay as it was in India..and just transferred a nominal amount to my DH....and told them i simply dont have any money to pay for your unlimited demands and gave up...

    After all this i had been to India..for my brothers marriage...as someone said i always keep some money with me...without the knowledge of my DH...so i just gave back the amount to my dad which he transferred to my DH...and gave some money to my mom...so she could buy something for her...as she helped me thru my delivery

    Yes...as someone said my in-laws are old fashioned...they are only aware of this...girls parents shud giv...girls parents shud give...they did not spend much...for my sis-in-laws education or wedding...but my dad did...they just cant see all these differences...my mil...keeps saying indirectly even now...that they paid all expenses...meaning my parents dint do...i jus ignore...it takes may 2,3 generations to change..."Change is inevitable"....the reason for raising this topic..is to know...how it is going for rest...BDW i stopped working once i got concieved...Thank you all for your kind words...yes girls should stand up and fight against this....
     
    2 people like this.
  10. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    It's very good on your part that you handled this very sensibly. Yes, it might take some generations to get rid off these expectations. Seriously, we think we had so much women empowerment, with women being educated and working as such, but come back home and this is what we face day in and day out in the name of culture!
     

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