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Who Decide Your Friends?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by BerryPine, Jan 2, 2018.

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  1. Jan 4, 2018 #11
    BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Good to know that few to many of you have clicked well with husband's friends wife's. I have the same feel insecurity,whenever we meet honestly i mean HONESTLY the talk is all about boasting(atleast 80% of the time)
    when they seek help I run extra mile to help them, when it is me asking for help one or the other reason with a curve ball answer. :tongueclosed: Also i feel like they're so curious to know whats happening in our family.:smileycat:

    We live in the same block,they both plan together leave me alone. They discuss about me in my absence as I'm a working mother. I involve in celebrating their birthdays so far they have forgotten mine or their fb notification didnt show.


    Sometimes I wonder whether Am I failing in making friendship with them. I am desperate for people:confundio1:
     
    BerryPine, Jan 4, 2018
    BerryPine, Jan 4, 2018
    #11
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  2. Jan 4, 2018 #12
    MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    This kind of people are found very easily and should be avoided as much as you can.
     
    MonikaSG, Jan 4, 2018
    MonikaSG, Jan 4, 2018
    #12
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  3. Jan 4, 2018 #13
    nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Most people are selfish and the way you described. That's why I never go out of the way to make friendship with anyone, then disappointed at not being reciprocated. Sometimes, genuine friendship does get struck naturally then it's nice. Otherwise it's ok to maintain formal relationship with them. It is better to make friends in our own circle than through our spouse's friends because those friendships are forced kind and situational- so not likely to be any geuine bond.
     
    nakshatra1, Jan 4, 2018
    nakshatra1, Jan 4, 2018
    #13
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  4. Jan 4, 2018 #14
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    they r not ur friends. accept it and move.
     
    Sunshine04, Jan 4, 2018
    Sunshine04, Jan 4, 2018
    #14
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  5. Jan 4, 2018 #15
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Husband's friend's wives are acquaintances.

    Sure..it can turn to good friendship but I suggest to keep it minimal and cordial to avoid future disputes or uneccessary complications.

    In life,anything with a distance is good.


    The word "friendship" in a phase of life with zillion responsibilities is overated.
     
    anika987, Jan 4, 2018
    anika987, Jan 4, 2018
    #15
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  6. Jan 4, 2018 #16
    Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    They sound very unappreciative and self-centered. I think it's better to treat them as acquaintances and leave it at that rather than spend your energy trying to be friends with them. Friendships should be among equals, not with one person putting in all the effort. Personally, I think that there are people that we simply don't click with for whatever reason and it's better to leave them as cordial acquaintances and focus on cultivating friendships with people we do click with and who appreciate and reciprocate your efforts.

    If I may ask, are you guys all around the same age?
     
    Nylaa, Jan 4, 2018
    Nylaa, Jan 4, 2018
    #16
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  7. Jan 5, 2018 #17
    BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    No. Myself 32 and the other two are 35 and 39(older than my Hubster,:tongue:). My husband and theirs are friends since decades. Residing in the same block genuinely I'm pissed of many times esp while at family meet I always end up(choose) playing with kids rather talking to them.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
    BerryPine, Jan 5, 2018
    BerryPine, Jan 5, 2018
    #17
  8. Jan 5, 2018 #18
    BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Very true... On top of everything they constantly showcase that they are more like family and I'm not:tired:. Sometime it hurts:cry: as I have no chance to escape from such family meets or potlucks or kids birthday parties.:smirk:
     
    BerryPine, Jan 5, 2018
    BerryPine, Jan 5, 2018
    #18
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  9. Jan 5, 2018 #19
    Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    That would explain things a bit. Since they are older and have known each other for ages, they've gotten used to being a "duo" so to speak. I don't think they do it to be malicious. They probably have more in common with each other and probably struggle to include others in their "duo." It isn't you or a failure on your part. We don't always click with everyone around us and that's normal. Just consider them acquaintances and focus on your friends that you are close to.

    I'm not super close to the wives of his friends (except for two of them) due to the age factor as well. My husband is 5 years older than myself and his friends (and their wives) are in the same age group as him and they've known each other since uni. Personally, I don't mind and, to be honest, I don't take it personally as I don't have a ton in common with them and can totally see why they're close to each other.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
    Nylaa, Jan 5, 2018
    Nylaa, Jan 5, 2018
    #19
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  10. Jan 5, 2018 #20
    Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    @BerryPine Thoughts differ from person to person , so does the friendship . Lets not be judgemental and generalize everything .
     
    Archanaanchan, Jan 5, 2018
    Archanaanchan, Jan 5, 2018
    #20
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