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When Patience Is Tested And Respect Is Bound To Be Lost - Aplogies For The Major Rant

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sbonigala, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    I should thank this forum and the ladies reading my posts. I was tired of being unable to vent this all out.
    Had i discussed with DH, am very sure he would have supported be from Day 1 itself. It was me who chose to stay quiet and deal with her. But now, am DONE.

    I felt so bad to vent it out here because this is a forum where majority come and share their problems and ere I am ranting ! But I must admit I felt very light after posting it here, like a huge weight taken off my heart and mind.

    True. If there was anyone with me through all the times - good and bad, in crowd and loneliness - then its Him. He proved that HE chose me and that I did not choose Him.

    :) She understands that I cant ignore her so easily so she pinches my weak points. Now with the help of DH i am learning to ignore her and mind my own business. I learnt and understood the fact that I have the right to have peace in my home, life and thoughts and do NOT need to give place for her thoughts.


    Very very very true. To learn such things is what I am here for. :) So yes I need all your support and help.
     
  2. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Am reading this over and again ! :)
     
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  3. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    you should just put hands on your ear and run away while shaking your head ....
    When these MIL will understand that not because of her son, but because of DIL's husband dil gets kids. DIL doesnt sleep with anybody's son but with her husband.
     
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  4. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Lol.. I have this habit of visualising things when I hear or read something.
    I can see myself running in my home with hands on my ears while she's talking still.

    You have no idea how crazy is at times. Will do it next time at least to just experience the fun.
     
  5. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    This post makes me write what I wanted to write earlier. Sometimes I dont like preaching - cos of course i dont practice what i preach :tongue:

    I think you realise that you desperately want to your MIL to love you. And so , while you handle her calmly , you are feeling guilty because you know what you said hurt her even though you have not been disrespectful. And you really really wish you didnt have to do that do her. But you are wired to protect yourself (Darwin would be proud of you)

    It is very very hard to ignore someone. especially if they are living with you. It is easier if you can accept them and overlook their foibles like what Buddha says. Or I think he said :p

    Just think your mil is a child who has her own fears, own insecurity, and the only one she can take it out on is you - her son /her grandchildren are too precious. And so at times she acts it out, be firm as you have been but just try and let it go. Dont respond to her tantrums, no no , just let go the hurt and do something she likes as a peace offering. Her wonderful son is there by your side after all. Or if you need a physical outlet, tell your DH, then next time mil utters hurting words he gets a boxed - fair deal?

    At one point , when she feels things are better, maybe maybe she will not think you as the outsider. Stranger things have happened, ya?

    This is the first time I have advised a dil love her mil enough to let it go. Perhaps I am drunk , maybe i will edit this post tomorrow ?:grazy:
     
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  6. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Now let me provide you 3 ways to remove the hurt
    Option1. Trivia - did you know that till a few centuries ago it was assumed that the sperm became the fetus ( meaning no egg ) , the woman's role was being the freaking incubator. science has come a long way. But Mils, nah...

    Option2. Drama - When DH comes home, run and fall at his feet, bollywood style, thanking him for his sperms and tell him you are eternally indebted to him.

    Option3. Ok, now the wicked one, come on mils and wickedness go hand in hand.
    Cooly tell your mil, if i had gotten pregnant everytime I slept with your son, I would have more kids than Gandari
     
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  7. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    I actually Laughed out Loud!!!! Imagine the MILs reaction on hearing Option 3!!!! Absolutely hilarious!!!
     
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  8. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    I do treat her like a kid. Every time I go out, I buy stuff for her. Every week, mind you. No kidding here.
    She gets her time with DH. I have always maintained that. I tell DH that his mom needs to feel secured and that her DIL has not changed her DS. I send DH and MIL out on regular Mom-son time without me and my kids. She shops, eats out, goes outing, day trips etc but when I do the same with DH or kids, she is not happy with me. I remind DH that he need not stop playing the role of son, now that he has kids.
    MIL loves going to beauty parlour. That's also taken care by me. I manage her threading and haircut appointments.

    No matter what I do, my MIL is never happy with me. She always has to prove me useless and senseless. I guess NJ ow that I defined a boundary for myself it doesn't hurt like how it did earlier.

    I have learnt to handle losses from the age of 17. Lost the most important people, at an age when I needed them the most - emotionally. To teach me, to stand by me and to correct me.

    Now I am 35, Come a long way. At this stage, not being able to gain one person, even after making all possible attempts, won't make much difference to my attitude towards life.


    I am not giving up on her but at the same time I don't see any reason why should I have perseverance to gain her either.

    I am learning to accept her the way she is rather than trying to change her. I understand that at her age I can't expect her to change. I also realised that MIL being unable to love me in not in my control - her emotions, her control. I Can't be bothered to alter that. Life is too short to hold grudges and prove our points and win arguments. If MIL is busy finding faults, I am busy too - making memories, winning people and holding love while I still can.
     
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  9. meename

    meename Bronze IL'ite

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    you are an inspiration to many of us .. you are really great .. I admire your boldness and your maturity ..
    You need not try hard to make mil love you .. As you said in many cases , it will never happen .. Their brain is wired like that or it has changed to that state after seeing many mega serials ..
    Does your mil see mega serials ..
    You have done so much for her .. if she is not thankful even for a bit , then it is your turn to please yourself and not her
     
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  10. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    This is enough to lead stress free life, Once we realize this ,we feel happy, over the moon, everything around is beautiful.
     

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