what would you do-please suggest

Joy,
I was reading this thread for the response you get. Because I myself was wondering, what you would do in such a situation :spin.
I have to say, IndLadies have given wonderful suggestions to you. What I find from your replies to them is, you are afraid of your MIL & Co. I really can understand that. Thats because you are the only one there in that entire group to fight back.
Well, All I can say is, you need to encourage yourself in this situation. If you dont talk, you cant get it. Simple.

Is not considered as a good reason. How long do you think you can sustain with this? If you always think about others , what is the purpose of your life & your immediate family?? When are you gonna consider your feelings???? Think about it. Talk to your DH. Let him know about what you think & what you want for your family. If your DH do not want a second baby, ask for his reasons. If he says about his Sisters/Mother, let him know that you are also in his life and you want another baby. Come to an agreement regarding this issue. Once all set with DH, talk to your IL's.
Good Luck!!

 

Hi JoytoWorld,

That's really a sad thing to happen. I do understand how you feel. But I agree with all the other posters here that you've to stand up for yourself. Normally I dont participate actively in these forums, but your post made me reply.
Ask this simple question to your mil...if she has ever given away her children for adoption or whatever in her life. If not, ask her to do it now...maybe give away her daughter who stays next door. Use the same mantra everywhere....if somebody suggests you to give away your child, ask them if they can do it themselves. Sympathizing and Sacrificing are 2 different aspects.
Please dont be a scapegoat.

all the best,
Hema

 

excellent suggestion Hema!! And if your MIL says yes, tell her that you are not as self sacrificing as her.. actually ask her in front of her kids, and see how she squirms! when it comes to kids, we should have our primitive animal instincts.. no one dare come near your little cub to snatch it away!!

 

If you do not want to antagonize anyone and still have the baby (very very tough in life, my dear!!)---

One other solution would be for your hubby to pretend and say to your MIL- My wife is not going to have any more kids because she is scared that the kid will be taken away from her. She is having nightmares about losing her kid to someone else and we have shown her to the family doctor. And when he asked the reason, we told him the truth and he said for her mental sanity, no one should take away her child. Anyway you are in the US- They can't verify if you have been to the doctor.

I do not know if such things can work in your case. Can only work if your husband is really supportive and is willing to lie for your sake.

 

:shock::shock: When did a a child become a commodity.

Many members has replied you to be strong and take legal help if required. I don't see any of your posts mentioning anything related to that. Why?

End of the day MIL is just a human, don't project her to be a demon that cannot be controlled by u or your husband.

I guess you have this guilty conscious to say NO and blaming it on other people. What would the drama be???

They - being your MIL, MIL relatives, society.. whoever it is.

Will they say you are selfish?
Will they stop talking to you?
Will they badmouth you?
Will they advise your husband to divorce you?
Will that take legal action?
Will they steal the kid from you?
Will your husband want to give the kid?
Will be against your decision?

Tell me what this "They" can do?

Will they say you are selfish?
Will they stop talking to you?
Will they badmouth you?
--- Ignore them. Let them do whatever they want to do. Do you think they are worth it?

Will they advise your husband to divorce you?

If your husband is spineless like you and divorce based on your decision, you do know that criminal act right? And any sane man would have even think about it. You can complaint to the police for immediate action not just against him but his family as well.

Will that take legal action?

They can do nothing. It's only who can anything legally if you want to go that route.

Will they steal the kid from you?

Again law is there. DNA test can be done to prove that its your kid.

Will your husband want to give the kid?
Will be against your decision?

If your husband tries any of this, be bold enough and do the rightful - legally.


So it's a simple decision on your part. If anyone MIL, SIL open their mouth, show your stand. If your husband is so scared of having another baby and wanting to adopt, I see a big problem here no matter how much you say he loves you and hes so good. First talk to him, tell me your decision. See if hes with you.

I have this question for you:

Will you be able to sleep peacefully and be answerable to your conscious, if you gave up your kid?
What will you answer when the kid grows and finds out his/her mother gave away. What about the kid's feelings?

Why do you want to traumatize your kid??