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What should i tell MIL about the whole thing?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sillygurl, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. Sep 28, 2009 #1
    sillygurl

    sillygurl Senior IL'ite

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    Hi frens!

    I have an issue on hand for which i badly need guidance.

    My brother got married sometime back and for some reason they are not getting along well with each other.She's a wonderful girl and am so mad at my bro now. Looks like they have made up their mind and will be heading for a divorce. The thing is , i know for a fact that the girl is innocent and due to my stupid bro all this happened.

    This is the first time a thing like this happening in my family.My MIL on the other hand is a very cunning lady and will pass snarky remarks to me for sure if she comes to know abt this.I have seen her getting happy when something bad happens to anyone(other than her son and DH).Though divorce is not new in her family.

    What should i tell my MIL? Simply saying that they can't get along well and hence heading for a divorce wouldn't help much...since she's
    very nosy- and looking for a chance to defame my family.

    In DH"s side when some one got divorce they put the whole blame on the girl and was saying nasty things about her. Since i know her, i felt that's not true and they were trying to cover up and project their boy as a good one(may be due to the fear of getting anothr marriage?)On the other hand, i don't want to say bad things about this girl, because i know for a fact that she's innocent 'n i like her and there's nothing much i can do other than pray that she'll get a good husband.

    I am confused
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2009
    sillygurl, Sep 28, 2009
    sillygurl, Sep 28, 2009
    #1
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  2. Sep 28, 2009 #2
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Just say thats its your brothers personal life and you dont like to comment about it..as you have no idea what happened or why it happened!
     
    SriVidya75, Sep 28, 2009
    SriVidya75, Sep 28, 2009
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  3. Sep 28, 2009 #3
    Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,
    old ladies love to give advice.approach her as if u are asking her advice on how to save this relationship.after hearing her, u can add that ur brother is hell bent on getting divorce & u will try to follow her advice to see if ur brother sees sense.
    she will be interested to know how things are moving & u can give some daily information to her to satisfy her curosity.as she may get the feel that u are taking her advice on this important matter so may restrain from gossip
    pragati
     
    Mahajanpragati, Sep 28, 2009
    Mahajanpragati, Sep 28, 2009
    #3
  4. Sep 28, 2009 #4
    reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Tell her that your brother and sister in law are quite upset because of this and hence in this state of mind you did not want to get nosey and interfere in his personal life. If your MIL still keeps asking , just tell her that it is best for her to stay out of this for now and refrain from asking about this to your parents or brother as you have no idea how they will react in this state of mind.
     
    reshsabu, Sep 28, 2009
    reshsabu, Sep 28, 2009
    #4
  5. Sep 28, 2009 #5
    asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    You don't need to tell your mil they are heading for divorce. Afterall, maybe your brother and sil will change their minds. :)

    If your mil confronts you with some gossip she has heard, just say 'Oh really? I hadn't heard that.' If she questions further, just say "Hmm, I really don't know." Or like another lady said, just tell your mil that your brother's marriage life is none of your business, and hence you don't want to comment on it.

    Even if 100 people say bad things about your sil, doesn't mean you have to say too. Sometimes we get pressurized to join in with what others are saying, even if it's not how we really feel! So if other people want to act stupid and talk about things they don't have a clue on (i.e. other people's marriages), then let them talk. But you be the SMART one and stay away from it. :thumbsup

    Hope your bro and sil are able to work things out for the best. Good luck.
     
    asuitablegirl, Sep 28, 2009
    asuitablegirl, Sep 28, 2009
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  6. Sep 28, 2009 #6
    sillygurl

    sillygurl Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks Vidya,I'll try that.Though any normal person would understand what you suggested, we are talking about a totally different brood here.My MIL has this annoying habit that she must know whatever happens in other's life and starts judging as if she's supreme court judge or something - whether it's neighbours, friends or family. If i say a statement like the one you suggested,i feel, she would start pestering my DH to know the details(which i am sure she's not gonna get any) and then will not dare to ask my family members in person / via phone.

    I just hate when people does that.:notthatway:

    Thanks pragati, She would be the last person i would ask for any help/suggestions. She's a person with lot's of superiority complex and when things gets bad in
    someone else's life , she seems very happy . I have seen this before. I don't know why some people can be so mean :(

    Thankyou! I will surely try that.

    Thanks for your feedback ASG.
    Yeah, I am not telling her now, may be after sometime when things becomes final.

    :exactly:

    Not in a million years am gonna say that, nor my family . Parents already told SIL in case divorce is the only way out, they'll be with her till the very end .

    I wish for the same

    My mil's 2 sisters are divorcess , though i have never asked her any thing regarding the very same todate. However she never missed any oppurtunity to talk ill of me / my family. Will it be rude to back fire and ask her the details of her sisters divorce , if she start pestering me beyond a limit ? What i have in mind is, basically to have her taste her own medicine.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2009
    sillygurl, Sep 28, 2009
    sillygurl, Sep 28, 2009
    #6
  7. Sep 28, 2009 #7
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    If this is what you feel..then no matter how much ever you prepare and how many ever answers you frame for her questions..she would always come back asking more info...

    the best possible solution is cut short at the first instance itself...When someone says I dont know whats happening and I want to stay out of their personal life...there is nothing further to ask...(If your MIL wants to poke others with her questions let her do we cant stop the gossip at the back..)
     
    SriVidya75, Sep 28, 2009
    SriVidya75, Sep 28, 2009
    #7
  8. Sep 29, 2009 #8
    tru1

    tru1 Senior IL'ite

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    In my opinion, what happens in your brother`s life is none of your MIL`s concern, especially if she is the type to get high on other`s sorrows and misfortunes!
    This issue will be just another feather in her hat to taunt you-regardless you tell her about it or not.
    Why would you want to put up with these kind of politics...instead, try and focus on helping your brother, SIL and your parents cope with the situation. Your MIL can think what she likes!

    all the best!
    -ts
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
    tru1, Sep 29, 2009
    tru1, Sep 29, 2009
    #8
  9. Sep 29, 2009 #9
    ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Just say its a real loss to everyone no matter who was at fault.. and that you're not completly aware of what went wrong.... If only they were discussing fully, a solution to stalemate could have reached.
    And that you still pray that things get normal and no one has to go thru an emotional unrest.
     
    ShilpaMa, Sep 29, 2009
    ShilpaMa, Sep 29, 2009
    #9
  10. Sep 30, 2009 #10
    blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes defintely you MIL will be happy that she is got some juicy news so she can pass her time discussing it.
    This happened to me, when my second sis had a small problem with her DH and came to my mothers house just for a holiday, and I dont know how my MIL got the news that there's something between my sis and BIL and she started to imagine and started to add more spice into it that they are heading for a divorce , i dont know from where in the world she got all these news, the more irritating habit of hers is to discuss all thse in phone with her sisters and enjoying every moment.
    To her dismay my sister solved her problem and went back to her house.
    I think its better not to discuss with her anything about your brothers divorce, when she comes to know of it she will ask you just say in one word" they didnt get along well" thts it
     
    blessed, Sep 30, 2009
    blessed, Sep 30, 2009
    #10

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