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Washing Away Your Sins

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, May 27, 2016.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Washing Away Your Sins


    We humans commit so many sins, during our lifetime, and still pray to heaven. We have been told by our grandparents of how Yamraj will boil u, roast u, and feed u to the dogs, when u go to hell. But there are apsaras in heaven, we aer assured, where nectar is served, u have a air conditioned room to yourself, and all good people around you. We all want to wash our sins away, and we do so many things, to be able to be guilt free and go to heaven. We spend lakhs on pilgrimages etc. But now a cheap way has come out to wash our sins. Here goes.

    There is a temple in Udaipiur, whih has a small pond. Take a dip there, pay 11 bucks to the temple pujari, and he will give u a sin free certificate with yr name and yr fathers name.

    Seeking a ‘paap-mukti’ certificate? Take a dip here!Udaipur Kiran | Udaipur Kiran


    This scheme is not of Modi Sarkar, but has been there since ages, so Modi wont take credit for it.Seems lakhs of people come to temple,Durign this may 2 lakh people came , but just three people took the certificate.We see people being so stingy, that they want sins washed for free, and even the measly 11/- they wont pay. Rascals, they deserve to roast in hell.


    In India washing sins is so easy. I remember during my school days in the sixties, our Hindi Sir used to tell us kids , that in bombauy people commit sins for 6 days, and the seventh they will go feed 2 bucks worth grass to a cow, and say, hey gau maata, please forgive me for my sins. And then the fellow will go and commit more sins, and again repeast the exercise next week. So convienient.


    But cow does nto give u certificate, this temple does, and that gives me an idea as this idea is not famous still, and while my cousins abroad, my NRI bloggers and other bloggers all over india, I come up with a scheme to remove yr sins, while u sit at home.Here it is


    For Indian friends – Say my Banglore friends, they will pay thousands to come by rains and flight to Udaipur for the sin washing. I can help them this. I will courier them the water in the bottle, from the pond of the temple, and will be authourized to issue the sin free certificates , and send u water and certificate by courier to u. Gaving saved u thousands, and so much truble, I will just charge u 1111/-


    For NRI’s , 111 dollors, and whoosh they are sin free. But this certificate cant hole too much sins, so every six months u have to take a new certificate from me, and since u are now a regular sinner, I mean my regular customer, u will get a discount, and if u introduce me new sinner, more discounts.


    And I assure u, that u can continue to do as many sins as u want for the next six months, andleave the rest to me. In case I will run out of the temple water, my tap water will come to u, or mineral water, which will be safe to drink and put a few drops on yr body !!!! Never mind if I have sinned for my friends, for I will remove my sins , I am the master of removing sins !!!!!


    Friends remember what I am asking u is just a measly amount, saving u so much trouble, and assuring u a life of joy in heaven, with the likes of Mother Teressa, who will welcome u at the gates of heaven, with Morarji Desai standing with a yellow welcome drink, and so on.


    And iif I am punished, I will go to hell, and be with the likes of Vijay Malaya, Sunny Leone, the bollywood and Hollywood actress, so liquor , cigarette , and cards , with loads of nonveg food, and other politicians. I will make my heaven wherever I will go to .So I am not worried.


    But u friends be worried, bcs your worry is good for my business.


    Starting very soon, register early.


    HAHA


    KAMAL MAHTANI


    The menu at a bhelpuri shop....


    1) Bhelpuri - Rs.10

    2) Special bhelpuri - Rs.12

    3) Very Special bhelpuri - Rs. 15.

    4) Extra Special bhelpuri - Rs. 16.

    5) Double Extra Special bhelpuri - Rs. 20.

    6) Sunday Special bhelpuri - Rs. 25 (Sunday only).


    To check each and every bhelpuri for its different taste, I started eating everyday a different one. . . . .


    But soon I discovered that each and every one had the same taste of Bhelpuri.


    Finally one day I asked him the reason for the same taste?



    Belwala said: bhelpuri cost. . . . Rs 10


    Special bhelpuri means spoons washed ...


    Very Special bhelpuri means spoon and plates both washed ...


    Extra Special bhelpuri means washing hands before putting the Bhel in washed plates & served with washed spoons...


    Double Extra Special bhelpuri means clean drinking water is provided separately ...



    Saying this he fell silent.


    Then I asked What is Sunday Special?


    Bhelwala said : Sunday ... I take bath. . .



    One fine day, a billionaire was walking his dog. Suddenly a man ran out from the bushes in front of him and shot the poor dog three times. The billionaire screamed at the killer, "Why did you do that?". The killer answered, "Your wife gave me $50,000 and said to "Go kill that son-of-a-bitch"".



    The billionaire hugged the killer & said .................. !!


    "I don't know who your English teacher was, but I am forever grateful to her.



    A Professor was addressing an 8 am Lecture:

    "I've found the best way to start the day which is to exercise for 5 minutes, take a deep breath of air and then a cold shower. Then I feel rosy all over."


    A sleepy voice from the back of the room: "Tell us more about Rosy.



    Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

    Venkat : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE


    =================================================================================
     
    sindmani, Kamla, type2 and 9 others like this.
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  2. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    Fu(Si)nny one Kamalji.

    Seems right time for yamraj to start a fast food outlet.
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, thoroughly enjoyed your business plan. It's amazing how you come up with ideas and schemes by the minute! Now that is a Sindhi businessman's brain speaking! Enjoyed the jokes too. :-D
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    So many ways of washing sins!!!! New ideas are cropping up daily! A motivation for sinners....why should not they sin when remedial measures are so simple and easy!!! There is a Telugu programme in one of the religious channels ( I don't want to name the channel or the name of the programme (for fear of attack by them, I am not as fearless as you are). Daily a little danam to a temple priest. A diya aur Bathi (not the daily serial) or a few grains of some dhanyam (may be ragi, rice or wheat or some other dhanyam) or some small things. They are available only in one shop
     
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  5. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    A new innovative way of washing sins! People come up with new ideas!
    So pujari gives a certificate also and not many takers? Many enquire at market in which shops things are sold cheaper before buying. Same way people go to places where they need not pay anything or less money. Human tendency. Isn't it Kamalji? In Hyderabad a T.V Channel ( I don't want to name for being attacked. I am not as fearless as you are) daily they tell a simple solution of a simple danam in a particular temple to wash away sins. Daily ritual. Go to the temple in the morning, give and commit as many sins as one wants on that day.
    I would never eat Bhelpuri outside after reading the joke.
    Previous comment of mine disappeared as I was typing, do not know how. Hence continuation. Could not delete the previous one. It is appearing. Some technical glitch, I guess.
    Syamala
     
  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Why to spend Rs1111 and await whether water bottle is recd from Kamalji?
    There is temple in South-Arunachaleswara temple in Thiruvannamalai.Just think of Arunachaleswara,you are relieved of all your sin and assured of heaven.
    This was written thousands of years back.Had people followed strictly by now the heaven would have been'House-full'.
    People are so lazy that they don't even think of that lord or i don't know whether there are different processes of thinking .If anyone knows how the assessment is made,we can think along that line and reach Moksha straight.
    Kamalji, excuse me,it is not my intention to bring loss to your proposed business.

    There are some people who sincerely believe that nothing comes free in this world.I shall definitely give your reference to them.Why should I incur your wrath and sin out of it?

    Jayasala 42
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    What a business idea sirjee. Like mineral water you can make a pretty packet out of sin washing water. BTW how does the guy who gets the certificate take it to heaven. May be it will be burnt in his pyre and its soul will ascend with his to heaven. All he has to do is to show the certificate's soul at heaven's gate for entry, If he is major sinner, he gets to enjoy the company of Apsaras as he must have worked harder at absolution and minor sinners, unfortunately would probably will have to be content with the company of Mahatma Gandhi and Mather Teresa.i
     
  8. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear GG,
    Yes just the right time buddy.HAHA
    Regards
    kamal
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi,
    Thank u for the kind words. Well this subject tickled me no end.Glad u liked it.Keep coming please.
    Regards
    kamal
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sy,
    Yes why not sin, when remedy is so cheap.HAHA
    WEll nothing to be fearless, u mean i named people who will go to hell, well dont we tell people in anger, Go To Hell !!!
    So this fellow will get commission from that one shop? HAHA

    i find all this funny. Who knows when i go up, God will not find this funny.HAHA

    Regards
    kamal
     

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