Want A Little Freedom In Life

if its a partnership, she should also be able to decide routine household matters like towels.

 

Agree, that is where a frank discussion and tell him that she would be a much better person, if he didn't micromanage her.
The focus of the post is more about financial and not being able to spend money. If she earns equal amount and CONTRIBUTES equally TO the household EXPENSES, the question of freedom does not arise.

Also the complaint is about not wanting to help him
"He hepls me work in home and expects same from me.... he asks me to help. How to boost him that he can tackle nkonw works also. "But my helath became week to do all types of work." Yet she has the time and energy for shopping because she writes "He iwll not allow to do do shoping o fmy own."

If he "... go for tours and all", he does spend for entertainment. He is not so stingy with money.

Not recognizing the value of partnership, fighting for one's freedom and not working towards financial security can only stress their marriage. If the marriage falls apart, she got the freedom; but, would she be better off? Is that what she wants?

 

Agree, but she needs to have better relation not by "high tone" is not a good way of communicating.

 

That doesn’t mean that she has to plead him even for 1k every month. It’s her money too... For sure she will earn atleast more than that..So why should she plead him even for that small amount. Main problem is ,her husband is not giving her some financial freedom inspite of she working.
So she asked suggestions for the same

 

Hi ,

I remember ur old post too may be year back post .. I asked you to take care of your finances by not depending on your Husband to give you pocket money as U r earning.. Why u first of all agree for this kind of setup ???

Why he has to give you pocket money instead go with joint account ( percent wise ) if you bth are earning same than 50 - 50 % else as per your salary ..

You are not a small kid who need pocket money ..

 

She could tell her husband to put 1K towards future savings and and take 1K from her earning. This makes no difference, but she doesn't have to PLEAD. Hope she has the discipline not to spend more than 1K. Her "freedom to spend" depends on their finances. How much they earn, their expenses, future savings for unexpected health problems, house, children's education etc.
After reading sonal1611 post, ... not sure we know the whole story. We only know what she writes, she may really want to save all what she earns and spend his money..

 

OP, it seems like money is just a part of the problem. To me, addressing the root cause seems to be a better solution. Your husband is a control freak; you need to break this pattern first. From bed spreads, petrol and how much “pocket money” you should have is decided by him. Usually, besides taking all the decisions, how is he? Is he a reasonable man who would listen to some reasoning of your own? I would start with easier problems and then move to the bigger problem (money). Like start with bed spreads. Tell him, this week we are going to use these bed spreads. Even if he wants the exact same thing, chances are he will say no. Tell him then that next week he will get his turn to choose. Let him sulk, let him fight, let him get upset. He is almost like a child throwing tantrums. Don’t give in. Do you give in to your child if he/she continues with bad behaviour? No right… so don’t enable this bad behaviour of his. Start small. Work one thing at a time.

 

I have read OPs old post . OP is a single child of her parents and she loves her mother a lot. Her parents have some issues that could be solved to some extent if OP could bring her parents to stay with her. That's what ilites have suggested to her. But OPs inlaws won't allow that .Even being a single child ,even earning good, OP realises that she is not "allowed" to bring her parents or take care of them in their old age.

The problem here is not what is OP's financial contribution. Even a housewife has immense contribution in the marriage by taking sole responsibility of child birth and nurturing . Whether wife is working outside home or not , that is not an excuse to take away her freedom.and equality . The problem is her husband's controlling nature to not acknowledge her as an equal partner with any say in the running their lives. I wish OP develops more courage and assertiveness for that .

 

Very true. I think it should be done in the initial years of marriage. But not all fight against it thinking their married life may affect and husband will change slowly.