Visitors During Pregnancy/newborn

Hi Ladies,

I hope some of you can give me a clarity on this..Thanks in advance for bearing my long post..

I am almost 36 weeks pregnant, with a 2.5 yr old active toddler, we stay in US. We live in a decent community with lots of immigrants. Me and DH both have always craved for a social life but in the past due to work pressures, we were not getting time so we always sulked and sulked..this carried on for almost 6 or 7 years to the point that I now feel we have become almost very americanized in terms of privacy....when I was in India, I was a very social person..

Ever since I had my toddler, we both have become more of family event friendly, like attending friends birthday parties, get together s and we are loving it..this has also been possible now that I have left my job 4 yrs back...in our community, many new people have come and some have been staying older than us..this is a nice housing community with kids park and many of Indians staying.... there are many of indian ladies who socialize, I too go as and when I get time with my toddler....there is this particular lady who has a toddler of my age, as I got to know her, I found her she is really nice, very chatty, extrovert and friendly person...she has a helpful personality...over a period of time, I realized she is acting smart with me maybe unconsciously harmlessly.....she does not share much about her but she tries to extract a lot from me..this started making me feel uncomfortable but I can treat it diplomatically and still maintain good relations with her.....both me and DH found her family nice.. I mean we are in US, we already have limited group of friends, so they are a nice couple friends...we dont want to avoid them..BUT at the same time, there is something which I am getting concerned about:

I feel she is getting too much nosy in my home matters to the point it is sounding and looking very funny to me and DH, almost like stalking us....I became pregnant second time this past year, first three months have been really tough on me with nausea and all..at that point I noticed she wanted to come to my home more often (I had not told about my pregnancy to anybody yet..), I avoided sometimes by telling I am busy etc but she doesnt get it...she will just come over despite telling me I am busy..or else she will persist and keep on calling me everyday as she wants to meet me, eventually I had to tell her about my pregnancy before I thought I would as she just wants to know whats wrong with me etc......I initially did not resist much not realizing where its gonna lead to..and since she is otherwise nice, I didnt want to hurt her....I kept meeting her with my toddler as playdates once a week / at our homes or outside in the parks,....but now, as I have been battling pains and sciatica from last 2 months, things are getting unbearable....few months back, I had a health scare during pregnancy, and I was feeling bit depressed about it, in those days, I did not want to meet anybody, just lay in bed in my loosies without underbra and relax..I literally could not entertain any visitor for a week..what she does:

she calls me to meet, I tell her I am not well right now, I will meet her when I am ready..next day, she just comes over (ting tong), and I am lil embarassed in my shorts and tanks in front of her..but welcome her anyways..she inquires a lot about my doctor my reports etc..I then realized this is something I am not ready for...all my other chit chat community friends are normal like we meet when we both mutually consent, this person needed a hint..but before even I could do that, she does something which blew my mind off..giving me a break of one day, she comes home again uninformed..I was taking bath and my toddler was playing, we were upstairs..I did not hear the bell ring..we meet out in park next day, and she has the nerve to complain to my DH in front of me that I was passing by your home and your wife did not open the door!!!!!! this literally blew me off....first of all, we already talked about it on the phone and I told her I didnt know you came, I was in restroom..and despite that she is talking to my DH like that....she felt I did not open door to her despite knowing she is there !!! after that I did not take her calls and she also got busy for her india trip..my DH and me had argument over this because DH feels I am someone who longs for friends and when I have some life challenges or issues, I withdraw in shell and therefore I lose friends..which is totally wrong..this person was literally stalking..10 times she will just "be passing by our home" and come uninformed..so there was a cool nice break of few months, I forget all this and everything is goody goody again between me and her....

so now, she comes back and invites us for lunch, we go, take some gifts for their toddler...and we had a nice evening...and we also invite them but there has not been a chance where we both have had free weekend..they had guests sometime and some days we are busy.....I thought she had some personality issues and she realized it... but no, i was wrong...this has started again now...since last 3 weeks, again she wants to meet me every other day! she wants to know whats going on in my life on day to day basis...she will make excuses like I cooked this, I am coming to give this to your home or my toddler is asking to meet you..etc, and once again one day I was out with my toddler, she calls me I was driving, and call me again in 30 min, I miss her call and she is at my home..I tell her I am not at my home I am outside....I am under this pressure that if I do not pick her phone or do not reply her that I am busy, she will just either (9 times out of 10) come to my home OR she will make a fuss out of it next time we meet.....so this is def a personality defect right?? like we know that the other person is busy, we give them space..but she is not getting it.....

She literally told me on my face that I will keep coming to your home even after you have baby..we dont entertain visitors 40 days after delivery..we have some traditions to maintain...I was surprised she is that nosey and stalker..few days back she came to my home late evening when my DH is around and is asking to make tea and food for my hubby!!!!! she has never shown me around her home and she wants to go upstairs and wants to see my masterbedroom, closets all of it! When we met at her home few weeks back, she was telling her DH helped her around a lot after delivery and yesterday when my DH got me tea, in front of her she is saying wow you are lucky you getting tea, etc my DH didnt do anything!! complete 180 degree turn in front of my DH...I think she thinks I am a fool not understanding her tactics...
I tried giving her subtle hints like I may sometimes be busy you know being pregnant, I walk slow, if I dont pick up the phone, I am busy...and its going to be total family affairs in next few months....she doesnt get it...she herself when has guests over, she vanishes, no contact with me..I get good breaks....

maybe due to pregnancy, I may be looking a like a fool overweight person ..

If I dont respond her whatsapp, she would text me through messages, if I dont respond her on that then she would call me, and if I dont pick her call, she would just come over..this has been the pattern over and over and over again.....

Is there a way I can be polite to her that I need a break from her stalking! I dont feel that uncomfortable with anybody else.....

 

Thanks!

Even my line of thinking was that there is no point of having a nice friendship if its getting uncomfortable, I hope she gets it this time because last evening when she called, I told her firm no to meeting her..Incidently, I met a neighbor yesterday morning who told me that she asks about me to her often times....she is trying to show to other people that i am avoiding her while all I am doing is drawing the obvious line between social interaction and privacy intrusion..

 

HA! actually she would love to do that and I feel uncomfortable for an almost stranger (just an acquaintance) to come to home and enter my kitchen and bedrooms..thats what she wants and that is what I am avoiding as I dont know her that closely ..whatever interaction we have had her, she rarely divulges or shares anything about herself, while tries to extract as much as from me...maybe thats her nature..but for me, any relation is a mutual thing..if you share, I will share....

 

OMG.. even after dropping a stoic text that I will get back to her when I am free, she drops in my home last night around 8pm..rings bell multiple times, and shamelessly barges in... I was feeding my toddler, and again asked her if she called me before coming, she said no I don't get to reach you via phone.. I was passing by y and thought of checking up on you...I told her again I am busy it's my 9th month I cannot socialize right now.. she insisted on picking me up and dropping if needed, and started enquiring about my delivery date, doctor check ups etc, I showed my irritation and told her again that I will see her after things settle down with us..!this is getting shockingly funnier and scary at the same time.. I have never seen this type of behavior in my entire life.... plz help me in dealing with this...