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Very Confused- Please Help!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by g3viks, Sep 3, 2019.

  1. g3viks

    g3viks New IL'ite

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    Hi .i would like to hear your/your friend's story of how you/they made a decision to return to india.Now that I live abroad and want to make a move back to india it seems highly confused as I want to go back badly and my children and husband wants to stay back.what are all the things you considered for your decision and how practical it was.I know everybody has a different reason..mine is like I am unhappy staying here in cold country and no Visa issues and all and don't want live here all through my life and considering moving before my kids gets into higher class.my elder one is already at end of middle school, so its important that I make a decision and so confused and head breaking as my children doesn't want to study in india.
     
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  2. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I was in this state where i couldnt see myself getting old in USA. India felt vibrant, family around, etc. husband felt same. Took the plunge and moved to India. Had a great life. Then because of fights in family.. mil-dil.. moved back to USA.

    I feel good to be back in USA and really enjoying the perks it has to offer in terms of family bonding, kids safety, kids education, no nosy relatives or unannounced drop ins by ppl.

    But i know that i have to back one day when both sets of parents get old. Not thinking of future. Just enjoying the present.

    But if you feel like moving to India.. then you should definitely try going.
     
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  3. kveena

    kveena Platinum IL'ite

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    It’s easy to move back to India when the kids are in elementary stage, however it’s not impossible to move back with teenagers,just makes it more challenging for the kids and parents. I would suggest to take some time to let them think about it. In the meantime focus more on bonding with your husband and kids.

    I want to move back to India too for the rights reasons - being the only child to my parents, my parents battling with health and legal issues,the amount of domestic work that needs to be invested on a daily basis is tiresome, loneliness and my kids longing to be with their grandparents in India.

    However destiny had different plans.I am just waiting for the right moment to move back. Be composed and everything will fall into place.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2019
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well welcome to the club..Am also in the same boat as you for many years!
    Husband told me it is tough to find a job and that issue and this issue and I got confused and I have not yet returned and don’t know if I will ever..

    However one thing for sure I know is..
    TThe most successful people after retiring to India are not the ones who are wealthy but the ones with the right planning,executing at the right time and also with the right attitude.

    One should never compare USA or
    India life after going back(most people do this and that’s why they return back )
    One should be fully aware of what India is and what we can do with our situations without comparing with others.Have realistic expectations and be totally okay if what things are as it is.

    Right attitude with the flexible mindset is most needed.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi this MIL-DIL issue is also another major reason why people don’t take the plunge..

    I am glad you tried to return to India and succeeded but came back for reasons which are personal to you.

    However..apart from that can you throw light in general issues you faced,how kids adjusted,where in India you went,how many years you were there,how’s social life back there etc..

    Also what else one needs to know when planning to return to India..
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow I thought I was the only one going to emotional issues with return to India..

    I love India,so vibrant and my vacations were always awesome with friends and family..

    Family hmm..it was fun but realized lot of jealousy issues and this time fights and arguments and people asking me why I come to India every year when it is none of their business..

    But still had great fun otherwise..again it was a action sans responsibilities..so I don’t know how it will be with kids..

    But I feel retirement without responsibilities,decent savings and health in India will be terrific..
     
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  7. g3viks

    g3viks New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your reply friends
    Same here...hubby says it's tough finding job here...
    Now that I am in India for vacation...I want to give a try ...found school admission..but my teenager son is not happy to get into school here ...(p.s I live in suburb Canada and I am not happy with the education there too).i.have some health issues too.I am worried as I need to take a sole responsibility and decision...hubby left it to my choice and he left back to canada..am I doing the right thing??is a million dollar question striking every minute on my mind now...spending sleepless nights:(
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2019
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    You are just there for a vacation..why did you take school admission?

    Also you say your son is a teenager..which is actually better as few more years and he will be done with high school and you are free for longer vacations in India or even go back..
    I too love India but pleased don’t take a teenager and restart all over again..he will feel stressed.

    Another thing is..I had a friend who took her teen daughter and left to India.Hubby went back to USA and tried to convince but she did not listen.He got angry and never spoke to her..it’s been 8 years and they meet only one week a year..she is happy being in India but she got very depressed and calls me at 3am India time sometimes and tells her stress.She is very unhappy without her husband and also mentioned other men advancing her.Her daughter also left to College and she is even more distressed.Again I have to mention,she is very well to do but still she had the problems above.Money,India or her friends there didn’t solve anything.


    Will you be happy without your hubby in India?The sleepless nights will
    Still continue there..

    I didn’t mention the above to scare you but please take a proper decision when the TIME IS RIGHT.

    Son is a teen already which adds to the advantage.So wait till he finishes high school which is just few more years.Then you will be free to
    do as you please
     
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  9. g3viks

    g3viks New IL'ite

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    Thanks anika for your suggestion..I have a younger one too in primary grade..so it's like when my older one finishes school my younger one will be in high school and its like another 10more years to go...also I will be staying here with my parents in India...
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    If you don’t mind,which grade are both your kids in?
     

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