Unhappy Marriage

Dear Manisha, hugs to you...I can understand your frustration. yes soceity has too many unfair rules for women....but we have taken birth in this era and we have to survive this society unfairness.

Till the time we woman will keep on giving importance to what others are suggesting us, till the time we will keep looking on for approvals from our inlaws, parents, husband, till that time we will be bogged down by these unfair rules.

I dont know what situations are you in, but i hope you will be able to come out of this.

 

You have the right to live a free life. You have to make a choice. You have to find your happiness in your self and your choices. You are an adult and can make your choice. If What you need is go abroad and live a different start looking for jobs abroad or course you can do abroad.You have to start somewhere.... wish you peace and Joy

 

OP,
yes, women have strict rules imposed on them..but when you look closely, there is a good percentage of women who impose such rules on other women. These women must have suffered, but still they choose to implement such unreasonable rules instead of avoiding them. Take the example of periods or rituals where we dont understand why things need to be followed.

All we can do is, since we are sufferers, we need to strive to make lives simple and less complicated.

 

Op,
There is a Buddhist quote that says we are born again each morning and it's what we do today that matters the most. The past is over and done and you can't change it. Every step we take brings us to the point we are at. Firstly in your mind forgive your father, your husband , your in laws. Make a mental affirmation from now on that you are in charge of your own destiny and that no one has power over you.

Visualise your life the way you want it and then set a timeline for it . Say in 5 years you want to live indepenandtly , run your own business or job etc.. each day take at least one step big or small to take you there. And never stop believing your dreams . It's all in the mind, it's all with you. The only chains holding us back are the ones in our mind. Good luck!

 

Lots of love to you dear Manisha...You are a sensitive and emotional person but at the same time an intelligent and thoughtful one.
It is very difficult to bring about revolutionary changes in the existing norms of the male dominated society. But we must educate our daughters and give them a dignified lives. We must educate our sons to respect and protect girls and not dominate and exploit them. These two things...if and only if applied simultaneously...can bring about a positive change in women's life.

 

Why are we born? Why do we die? Why does the earth move around the sun? These are questions no one can answer. So can no one answer why women are treated differently from men. You can think logically and say women are softer creatures, need more protection in society and their household roles are different. Yet women are becoming astronauts, scientists, CEO's etc. Our culture still does not give women the freedom they desire and deserve.

My suggestion is to stop asking these questions. They do not have any definite answer and will only rile you up and leave you depressed. Best is to accept your surroundings and the situation you are in and make the most of it. If you are happy and do your best to benefit yourself and those around you, you will have a good life.

Why do you think men are superior to you if they do not have to take care of household chores or live with in-laws? Do you think they are happy with the social parameters defined for them? You are equal to them in everything. If you do not like the rules your family sets for you, discuss it with them. You don't have to break them but you can definitely bend them a little. Only with love and service can you win over the hearts of those around you.

Stop expecting others to change. Change yourself. Try being cheerful with everyone you meet and you will notice the difference in your life.

 

Op,
I used to think the same like you since I started thinking. From my own experience,

Some unfair situation is really happening to you.

Some part of it is overthinking...I mean, what you are thinking is absolutely correct but most people do not think so much and stay till, what kind of shampoo, daily chores, what she said and why....Your thinking is above average range of topics. In long run, it will only help you to reel in your thoughts, to the present moment.

Some part of your present situation you can change without anyone objecting. So if you do not go for daily walks, just start going, and no one will object.

Do you have a skill set, do you want to work in your free time using that skill set. Like sewing, oil painting etc, tuitions for preschoolers. From what you have written you have very good education till wherever....that matters

So you were devoted to learning, do you want to get degree via some online university?

You have to find a purpose in life...do you have kids..

Try surrendering to things around you for a few months, see how that works for you...
Surrendering to everything around me once, helped see people in different light, I knew who was friend and who wasn't...people who motivate you are your friends..

You have to get busy so that you don't have to thing like great thinkers.

 

Dear MB,

your post is full of contradictions, in the first para you mention that everybody thinks women abroad are happy(as in that's not the truth) and at last you say you want to leave India. Whatever you described, is a problem with all women - abroad or India. You can't escape that by leaving India. Your problem seems to be to wanting to move abroad and nothing else really. There is no absolutely no need to keep quiet, you can voice your opinions as much as you want - the only issue is that it won't bring the results you desired. If your desire is to leave your husband, you can do so. Your father cannot restrict you from doing anything. It is all in your mind. I am not saying this to slight you or make fun of you. From your post you seem to be extremely confused and agitated. Just think through things calmly. Your in-laws restricting you, your husband toeing their line - it happens with women who live abroad too, so try to think of ways to get your things done, don't think that running away from your situation will solve the problem.

 

Not living in India or living in USA doesn't make us happy. I m currently staying with my husband out of India. I wish I could run back to India to a place where nobody knows me and start a new life. But for sure , not outside of India. As far as I have experienced, place doesn't matter, it only people around us matters