Unconditional. Really?

I heard a story today - the story of a man on the verge of death. He sits down to draw up a balance sheet of his life. He has done many bad things in his life. What about the good? Well, he did do some good, but always with an ulterior motive. It was never good for the sake of good - "nishkamyakarma".


That set me thinking. Do we ever do anything without a motive? It might be so subtle that it may be hidden even from our own selves. The reward may be material or spiritual, but there is a motive all the same.


Let us first look at some simple examples. My domestic help wants some money - let me qualify that. She wants a lot of money. She asks for an advance. She has not returned last year's advance yet. I give it to her, however unwillingly. There is even a fear (based on past experience with other employees) that she might quit the job without bothering to return it. Nevertheless, I give it to her. Clearly, there is a motive. I might fear that if I don't give it to her, she might find somewhere else to work. I might even give it to her telling myself that if she returns it, it is mine. If she doesn't, it never was. I might tell myself that God has mercifully placed me in a position where the loss of that amount might not cause me any perceivable loss. After a while, she decides to play up and keep taking days off on various pretexts, come late, go early ..... justified or unjustified. I feel like the proverbial Tirupathi customer who's head is literally in the hands of the barber. He cuts half my hair and goes on to the next customer. Customer number 1 has no option but to wait. I can't even chuck her out. She has a huge amount of my money. Besides, I start boiling at the fact that despite getting help from me, she does not feel any kind of need to reciprocate in kind. OK, this is probably the grossest example. Come down to basics, I am helping in the hope that she reciprocates. So, this kind of help is a quid pro quo. There might be times when I give an employee an advance knowing fully well what I can expect from them when I am in need. Is that a totally unconditional help? No. I hope that in return for a good turn, there will be someone else who will do me a good turn when I am in need.

Every time we help others, there is no doubt it benefits in some way. May not be a quid pro quo. Might not be any public recognition or any material benefit. We do it because we feel happy doing it. So ultimately it is for my happiness that I help someone.

Even parental love is the same. They give unconditional love to their children. In fact that is probably the only unconditional love if there is any such thing on earth. Despite that, the children's happiness gives the parents happiness. So ultimately there too there is the feeling of happiness and satisfaction that parents seek.

So there is always some ulterior motive - a quid pro quo, the desire for brownie points in the court upstairs or just simple happiness or personal satisfaction that is involved. Nothing wrong with that, but it just brings me back to the question, is 'nishkamyakarma' really possible?

 

Thanks so much Mistt. Interesting point. When we don't expect anything materialistic, or when we don't need mental happiness, it is one step ahead. We have learned to balance our mind - sukha dukha samay kritva (equanimity in joy or in sorrow). But why does one take Sanyasa? For renunciation. That in itself is a goal or if not, it is a means to an end - liberation, which I guess everyone seeks at some point or the other. Even the desire for liberation is a desire - kama for mukti.

 

Thanks JAG. What you say about Bhagavatham is interesting. Normally it is believed that bhakti is the first step leading to gynyana leading ultimately to vairagya although neither is superior to the other method. That has been my understanding though I may be wrong. Maybe once a person gets some degree of knowledge, some realization dawns leading to complete surrender? I don't know. I am just trying to work it out in my head.

 

Thanks so much Kamala. It is on days like this that my brain goes round and round and ends up in a messy knot!

 

Hi Needtobestrong, nothing wrong in being careful in your dealings with people. It is just that sometimes we go out of our way to help someone just for a feel good factor, 'not expecting' anything in return, but then even that is not an unconditional help because we do it for the feel good factor. That is the expectation and that is the reward.