unable to understand bil

Wow, that sure is a LOT of gold your cosis-to-be will be getting! Not to go off on a different tangent or open a Pandora's box in your head, but did your MIL give you a lot of gold for your wedding?

I somehow could not resist posting the future events as I see it from your post:
BIL continues to mooch off you and DH till his wedding
BIL gets married (your DH spends a lot)
Cosis is smarter than you and realizes that your DH is the money tree
BIL and cosis continue asking you guys to sponsor, while happily saving away their earnings
DH has to provide for PILs, BIL and cosis now
BIL has kids
DH pays for BIL's kids' toys, clothes, cycles, vacations
...........
...........

You better do something really fast. Why don't you take a loan and invest in a home or start some other important investment?
The next time your BIL says that he will ask his wife to pack off to her house (if she tries to stop him from giving money to his family) tell him jokingly that all girls will not be nice like you and will want to look out for their family first.

You must seriously sit your H down and make a list of monthly expenses. Ask him how he plans to save for the future. Work numbers out for the next 5 years at this rate and make him realize what a big mistake he is committing.

 

There is No chance the new bride ie your would be co-sis will be given lot of gold. Your MIL is just securing money for herself. She is just giving polished reasons for taking money from your BIL so that he will give money happily. Since you have already discussed about this to your DH, dont again and again talk to him about it. Now your DH know your stand on it.

 

If your Dh is feeling bad .......... its the right time to show your disapproval toward your BIL s comment.

You dont owe that parasite anything.........he doesn't have any rights to talk about you indirectly.

After marriage if his wife also depends on you guys what will you do??


Tell your DH-----MIL is saving his income to buy gold for future DIL and your spending for both of their expenses.........tell him to cut some money and buy gold since u2 have a DD.


Keep a copy of all tickets and expenses u have made for BIL...........it will be useful in future( i mite sound silly, but the world is like that).


As fellow ILites mentioned.......tell ur DD----Chitappa(BIL) is coming home, let see what he gets for you.

 

i completely agree. Excellent points .......:bowdown:bowdown

 

Ladies I am extremly sorry to come in like this but....as all of you have mentioned she should talk to her husband about this. I agree BUT what if the husband is not ready to listen?????
I had a similar situation and I told my husband abt it....It turns out that he (DH) thks that I am against my BIL. He told me "I dont understand what you u have against the poor guy"......It is not like my DH does not understand people in general, but when it comes to family (my FIL is of similar types as BIL) it is as if he cant see....
What is it that I do?

 

That's why I suggested that the OP break open the discussion as a household budgeting exercise than a "why are you spending so much money on your brother?" debate. The latter will invariably blow up into an argument were the woman becomes the villain. The truth is, it is hard for men to accept that they are making a mistake when it comes to their family...even if they acknowledge it in their hearts they may not be willing to accept it openly for fear that it will give the wife leverage to place more demands in the future.

In my case, my DH was spending close to 60% of our monthly income in sending money to his parents (which I was perfectly fine with) and paying for our house rent (we were living in blore and my ILs in chennai). I was fine with it until my ILs began to pressurize him to buy a house in chennai. He was entertaining this idea...until one fine day I showed him an Excel sheet (with all the bells and whistles of color-coded columns, a big fat pie diagram, and our monthly savings in bright red! lol) and asked him to work out and convince me how he is going to pay for the home loan emi with the remaining 40% of the salary. That brought him back to earth faster than an argument on why he should not buy a house for his folks!

I guess we have to learn how to approach such issues in a way that it holds their attention. When it comes to finances, most men can't disagree with numbers. So, it's best to go that route. Of course, if the husband chooses to bury his head in the sand and ignore it, I really don't think there is much that the wife can do...except maybe start saving money on her own or convincing the hubby to make an investment in property or mutual funds so that he won't have much to give away!