Troubled Marriage-please Help-am Literally Dying Every Moment

First try to get a job. Do you have work experience? Then you will socialize with other people. I know your situation is worse.
Not showing affection to husband will make things worse. Try to act as a good loving wife, slowly slowly try to get ur husband back.One thing act before mil as you are the best Dil .So you can easily convince ur husband!I tried and it's somewhat successful.

 

If possible can you both go for a marriage counciling. Try to get help from your elders . Is your fil supportive? if so things can be easily resolved. Don't underestimate yourself, I am also an engineer. I know how much pain you have put in studies. So try to find a job or some home based business or give tuition .How old is your mil?

 

get some private time for the both of you......Try to plan a small vacation with your hubby or a simple lunch/dinner outside.......... all u need is a good time to sit and talk and share love.

i know its easy to say, but trust me you will not regret for that extra effort you take to sort things straight.

 

Dear kris

First, let me say I know how you feel. I was also looking for somebody to guide me and lead me. I think what you are doing now is the first step. Trying to acknowledge you have problems , serious problems that only you can realize the complexity of it. Don't worry. You are an educated woman. If you can then find a job. It is very important that you need to be independent. Not only financially but also emotionally. I assume you have tried many things to make your husband love you, understand you etc. etc. if you didn't ,then now is the time to start. Like spending time together , opening ng your heart and making him realize you love etc.etc. if you had tried all these, then my dear be strong. If your husband is disrespecting your marriage by not supporting you, and excluding you from things and being a mamas boy, I say "change yourself". Turn your life around. Be the strong smart lady you are. Be confident. He cannot do anything to you. What more can he do? Show him you do not care. enjoy your life. Find your passion do it. If you have kids, focus on them. Be at your best. Nobody stops you from being at your best. You are free my dear. Think that way. As long as you are doing the right thing, always lift your chin up. It is his fault he cannot be a man. Don't cajol his mother a lot. Talk minimum with her. Just show respect. Do not give any space to the mother son duo. Be at your best. They treated you like this for 10 years, made you feel miserable that you are confused. Give them the same medicine, I'll say. They cannot do anything as long as you are not disrespecting them and doing your duties towards your family. First and foremost, if you can get a job. I hope everything will workout for you. You are worthy enough my dear. Also, try meditating. It is very helpful in clearing your mind and focusing on what is needed.

 

OP, first, start working! that is the key here. I can bet you will face resistance from your Mil-and H, do not let it affect you. Get a job, go out, meet people, change your environment. You will get confident, be happier then you will see a difference in his attitude.

The thing is, you are now depending on H for your validation. You are longing for his acceptance. He knows your weaknesses and so is using it against you. You gave him this power, now take it back. Learn to be happy inspiteof him. Respect yourself. When you show him, you do not need his acceptance, things will change

Good Luck

 

Hi,
I think you need to focus on yourself now. Forget abt your husband - mom talks and what they say behind your back.
1 ) Get a job since you are software engineer and educated. That will boost your confidence and make you independent.If not job go for some training institutes to keep yourself occupied and updated with new technolgies in Software.
2) You need to take control of your life now and not rely on your husband. I now believe in one thing, its good to get a companion but if wee dont have one , we need to look outside for friends. That will really help you enjoy life inspite of husband not being the way you want in your life. You cannot change him unless he wants to change.
3)Once you have job/go out from home, you will realize there is far more than your husband and mom in this world.WE all ladies are very strong and once in a situation we will act that way.
4) Dont expect that husband will ask you or pamper you . I know its tough but sooner we accept the truth better for us.
5) I know the feeling of being used for xxx or physical intimacy and then a totally different person after it. So I wont say you are doing anything wrong there. When we are in those shoes we know how it feels.
6) Soon your husband will realize with your behavior that you are serious and have crossed the threshold of being nice. Then he will come to terms and talk with you.

But for all this you need to be emotionally and financially independent. That will give strength to fight back. IF you have kids enjoy with them without thinking if husband accompanies you or not . Start looking for job and build your skills for it. Surely there is long way to go but you need to fight. Being educated you need to ensure that you use your knowledge and have life of your own. That will automatically help you gain confidence and strength

 

it is better to discuss each other and it is important to express your feelings to your husband...