I've not visited IL in a while. But here I am again. I've had quite a variety of problems with my husband ranging from ****, late night chats with his parents while they complained I have not presented them with a grandchild, addiction to the internet, TV, blu-rays and players, never having friends whom he can confide in and discuss life. He is such a recluse and it worries me that I am becoming him after 8.5 years of marriage (childless too). He is getting worse with his addiction to electronics. He sits on the internet buying and selling blu-rays all the time. Worst of it all - every Sunday night he sits with it for at least 4 to 5 hours in the evening. Says he is trying to make more money for our future. I said I'm game with it and will help with the postage and packing etc, but he does not trust anyone and at times hates it when I or my friend's child (8 month old) comes anywhere near it. He comes home from work and checks the shelves where all these are kept. Anything found out of place he questions me. He's not hostile but the fact that he's been doing this for about 1.5 years annoys me so bad. And he knows that very well. He himself knows he is addicted to it. We've been trying to get pregnant for a while now. I am on medication and it requires us to try every few days with every course. The very first time we started with it he got "busy" with this same old stuff and I panicked if he ever even wanted children. This is not the first. He's been on and off some or the other addiction which both of us know is affecting our personal life. We've been married 8.5 years and I still don't feel like I know him. I know we love each other and he really cares for me. But every time he trails off with one of his excuses I explode and I start doubting myself. Have I lost my mind? Am I being paranoid for no reason? Or is my temper and insecurity making me disillusioned? Am I blaming it all on him for no reason, or out of guilt that I could not make anything of myself. We've been away from our family for quite a while now and I am under a lot of pressure from them too. I've stopped talking to all our relatives cos I know where the conversation always leads to, or I am just paranoid to discuss it. I am just so tired of it all. I am considering separating from him for a while. This morning I called him to contact his employer and get my passport back (which at present is half way through a Visa extension process). I think I've babbled enough..I just can't figure out where I am right now or what I should do next. I just feel so blank and hurt. Every time I trusted him he only behaved otherwise and he'll apologise saying he'll stop it. I don't think I can go along any longer. I am thinking I'll stay with my parents for a while, sort my health issues there (which is currently circling the drain!!) and take some time off HIM!!! I desperately needed someone to talk to. I am thinking counselling will help. God knows what is going to start once I get back home. I know people have mouths and when they have nothing better to do, they yap!! I'll be the hot entertainer for a while, but I can't let that stop me from setting my life right. I also plan to talk to his parents about this. Apparently they've handed me their innocent, precious little boy whom I'm supposed to carry in my heart for the rest of my life and care for him as my own. Well they've got to grow up along with him!! My husband kept saying we should delay having children and at one point my doctor and my parents got so vexed. My parents met his and spoke to them about all of it. And until date his parents still believe its cos of my horoscope that this is getting delayed. And they are being very magnanimous by not discussing it at all except for the occasional visit to the temples and prayers for a grand child. Their problem is their son, but they don't seem to want to deal with it. Sorting priorities does not seem to be of any importance to parents as well as the son. Well they don't respect their own daughter enough and bad mouth about her all over town, what better would they treat me?????? I really just wanted to vent it all out ladies. Can't talk to anyone at home cos they blow everything out of proportion before even knowing the actual facts. I know I have babbled on and on..But feel better and clearer about my decisions already. But any advice and suggestions are welcome. would really appreciate it.