Toughest Time In Your Marriage Life

i always feel most hardest time for me when i dont get my h support on any issue, for me this s most toughest time, wen i was teenager i used to believe in love story like Cinderella n all but after seeing ppl around me i started realizing this type of love not exist
now i feel there is no such thing called" perfect marrige" exist ,atlest i never witness it,all i see cople r fighting wid each other ,disrespecting,bitching about each other......though i feel from my n others experience period of initial one year in marriage is nearest of those love stories which we read in story book ,that is golden period,after one year it start fading,sigh

 

So true.

Had been through ups and downs, but the only difference was I realized the above quotes before marriage itself whereas my husband realized it after marriage..One of the favourite quotes by Variyar (who does religious discourse) for an entirely different reason but fits any situation , and I used to follow all his discourses, so that quote till now I remember..

Either way the answer is the same, realization..

Thanks for the thread.
Vaidehi

 

My toughest period was just after my marriage, when my ILs came to visit us in the US. They are not happy with the way my parents got us married. My MIL is very possessive abt my H and is very insecure and needy. My FIL is very rude, orthodox. I had toghest of toughest time just trying to breath. I am still having it.. Hoping it gets over soon. They are leaving in January. And I am counting days, hours, minutes, seconds (if possible) left for them to leave..

 

The initial couple of years were the toughest so far (i hope it remains that way!)

I was enjoying my life and freedom, working in an MNC. Almost crossed the marriageable age, parental pressure, initial resistance followed by succumbence to the emotional blackmail. Arranged marriage and a long distance relation ship...killer combo. The few times we managed to meet in the first year was always at in law's place. No privacy,no chance to get to know each other better. Finally, unwillingly ,quit my flourishing career to try and make the relationship work. It took couple of years and a lot of patience for things to fall in place and to gain a place in his life above the MIL. But I finally got there and intend to stay put.

When I open facebook and see posts from my old colleagues about their jobs and lives, i feel a twinge inside for all that I had to give up. But then I sigh and get over it. No pain ,no gain I guess

 

our toughest period of marriage is started after delivery of my first daughter....my inlaws showed their true color ....till this time i was able bodied and ignoring my IL tantrums, so all were goody goody....but after my delivery it became unbearable and i complained to my H, instead of understanding me, he sided with them, and to make me come around, started emotionally and physically distancing himself from me. it hurt me to no end. i still kept on trying to be a good dil and good wife....my inlaws abusive behavior kept on increasing ... i kept on trying almost for 7-8 years....
but one day my husband subtly blamed me for his parents abusive behavior( i know he knows his parents are wrong) and he did it before too subtly or clearly....but that day something happened as if a chord has been cut and i felt emotionally distant from my H. i remained depressed for months after that. i felt everything was pointless. i lost interest in everything , even combing hair, and getting ready. i just keep it going on for my kids though. I kept on exploring my inner self. I evolved through the process, i changed in a more confident and less approval seeking person. My husband also changed for better, he felt that he lost me.... he amend his behavior and tried to be a nice husband...its been 2 years now we are going good...after 10 years of marriage now i feel that our marriage is stable...and we care for each other, always did, but now we come first for each other, and respect each other truly.
people say that marriage is good for 1 year or so....but i feel marriage is like a wine,initially it has to rot, and then older it gets, it become better...

 

We have known each other for 15 years now. Know each other's positives and negatives. We are growing up and growing old together and as @SGBV mentioned, we have seen each other in prime youth (20s) and seeing each other in 35+ age. We both know we don't look as pretty and handsome as before but we appreciate that fine lines caused by too much laughter together and dark circles under the eyes with pressures taken together, my c-section scars - that stands as a witness of togetherness and we are extremely proud of these. We love each other madly and we know we would only exist without each other but not live.

All this comes from years of sustaining each other's temperament, anger, smiles, losses , achievements and moods.

Toughest period in marriage
My toughest period was from the day 1 of my marriage till almost until a couple of months before - trying to keep my in-laws happy and satisfied and foregoing my every little wish.
I would not say my husband did not support me or stand by me. It was my choice not to share these disappointments with him. Had I made him aware of whats going on, my marriage would have changed long time back. Whenever I had to forego something and miss out on those things that I wanted the most, I always told myself, "Would I feel bad if I did this for my own mom, So I should not feel bad and lost when am doing this for MIL and FIL"
This continued until the last few months. Recently with a tragic loss of a close friend, DH and I happened to share some our time together and then I opened up unintentionally(those times when you kinda lose track of what you are talking out of pain). It was then DH made me realize that I was being used and not loved. I could not believe it when he said, "Darling, you are a mom of 2 kids, you need to understand when people are using you - all these years you never said a word and I assumed it was all okay. You deserve a lot more and please stand up for yourself, I will support you. Don't let people use you and kill your self respect. You don't have to do anything that hurts your self respect. You don't need to be rude, just be assertive."

This one conversation changed the whole dimension of our marriage. Now my marriage is me + DH + kids ONLY but not me + DH + Kids + MIL + FIL + FIL relatives + MIL relatives + relatives' relatives + neighbors

 

i felt this is really a nice point of view

 

A good topic to discuss. I have been married for 6.5 years now. Feel like still going through the tough period..My husband was a 'spoiled brat' so it was hard for me to make him understand he got some responsibilities as husband and father.My ILs kept on spoon feeding him as they wanted everything under control.
Hopefully things are changing and seeing improvement in him.May be after few years down the line, I will be able agree with the point "Marriages are like wines,as it ages,it just gets better" else will end up in divorce

Life is really unpredictable.Will wait and see what life is holding for me but I will give every short to survive this marriage because I love him and he is the father of my kid .