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torture by husband on h4 visa

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pinky18, Jun 1, 2015.

  1. pinky18

    pinky18 Junior IL'ite

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    Hello, all lovely ladies here,

    I need your advice, where I am broken emotionaly. I been married for 4 years and living in u.s.a. we had love marrige but my parents accepted because of love for me. His parents was ready since begining. I came u.s.a on h1b visa and he joined me for h4 visa.

    Main problem in our relationship is that... he is too much stuburn person, he thinks he is mr.perfect.. shouts so loudly if anything get out of his control,...throw things and damage them and abuse me physically too. I am broken... I tried to maintain this relationship by focusing only positive things till now. His family think that he is so much innocent person and just high temper..


    I don't know what to do.. he is reckless and don't want any responsibility. He got dog in my home against my wish, I tried to adjust and bear all trouble for longtime... took and tried for positivity... bUT now I am tired.. mentally, physically and financialy..

    Please suggest me what I can do to give me good lesson As he took my innocent love for granted foe so long...

    Thanks all.
     
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  2. msindu

    msindu Bronze IL'ite

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    From experience with people, you can never change people. Did you not look at his personality before? It is foolish to trust your first instincts. There is more to people than what you see. Best you can do now is use your upperhand status in visa and as breadwinner to make him listen else face the music.
     
  3. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    how long did u know him, before marriage?
     
  4. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Why doesn't he work ? I think H4 visa people are now allowed to work. Let him earn and bear responsibility for the house.

    If he got dog against your wishes, he has to clean/feed the dog.

    Physical abuse is completely unacceptable. Threaten him to walk out if he raises his hand next time.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  5. sarah123

    sarah123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Most of the men are egoistic or they want to be on upper hand on their wives irrespective of the situation. There is lot of pain you are under going thru, with his this type of behavior. If he is doing a job things might be different I guess.

    Did he work in India before coming here? he worked there and came here because of you?

    I used to work in India and unfortunately I had to come to US after marraige. I never dreamt of leaving my job. Came on h4 and only God knows the situation I m facing.
    Once married, yes I want to stay with my husband and I want family. But at the same time I don't want my professional career to be end. Depression, frustration, loneliness in home, everything made me mad at times. I m unsatisfied with myself. This reflected on our relation very very badly. I felt things might be completely different if was working here. I feel the same is going on with ur relation.

    Thanks
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  6. SimpleStraight

    SimpleStraight Silver IL'ite

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    Idle man's brain is devil's workshop.

    If you are eligible to apply for H4 EAD. Please apply and make him start working.

    He is laid back, relaxed and Lazy.

    Udyogam Purusha Lakshanam
     
    2 people like this.
  7. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    so u say u r employed and independent.. y dont u divorce him and move on with ur life?

    just sit down and think - will u be able to live the same life for the next 50 yrs...? answer this question genuinely to urself.. do u see leading a happy life or a miserable life? and throw it down the drain?

    stop leading a misearble life in the name of LOVE... if it is miserable it is not LOVE... period...
     
  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Living staying at home on H4B and being dependent is not easy for women herself and he is a man who are supposed to be little egoistic in these matters. No matter how much mellow they are.

    How long he have been on H4B without job? Well he might have some anger issues before but loneliness aggravates everything. If you love him and want to live with him, try to get him into a job.
    Getting s job without your permission is not a reason for divorce or depression as It is his house also but physical abuse is
     
  9. pinky18

    pinky18 Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you all..

    Short story REGARDING what's going on in 2020.
    it's been years and years .. I got to the point I had didi police COMPLAIN in 2015, he had cried , begged to me that , "and told me to give him a once chance to prove that he loves me ...
    It's been years , no PHYSICAL abuse anymore... ... because I Will not take that .. that was my firm decision..
    He got his EAD, started to work, with God's grace we got beautiful DAUGHTER. My HUSBAND BEEN wonderful, been supportive to raise our daughter.

    Positive of him: love to cook, cook everything the time I come from work except roti, ( he dont know how to roll, but try and make in any shape if I am running late) , helps me to clean the house, laundry, wash dishes , anything ..when he takes care of our DAUGHTER, he change poo or pee ANY diaper, feed her, now she is toddler , so he make her different dishes way she likes, he loves family time....do all handy work in house, cut the grass or fix refrigerator or any thing you ask for .. he loves it
    Our finance : i do has my separate account from beginning, in which I get direct deposit. He never ever asked me how much money I do have or where I spent.. his salary comes in our joint account. I am the one who manage all spending, pays all Bills.. he says he dont know I to organize money , trust me more and feel I am much smarter than him

    NEGATIVE: he still got anger issue , sometime he loose his temper but try his best to control in front of me.. he is the always 1st to say sorry...
    Lazy.. helps me with anything I ask, but do on his time , very much disorganized and irresponsible for future plan.
    Big issue we have , he never does STABLE job, 6 month maxim SOME AND some PROBLEM with he working , he blames either people or company and quite. He had projects where HE SUPPOSE to live away from family , he rush back to us when he get minute off... less dedication to work, I feel...
    When he get anything new in his life job or anything, he is hyper in beingining and later HE LOOSE spark.
    He is super insecure, if my parents VISIT me, he feels so much jealous the way I spend time with them.. I feels the way he behave.
    Big problem I facing now .. he been laid off from work almost 7 months, he is IT sector , keep telling me he is not able to find any project , dont trust consultants as they suck money and dont ENOUGH, so direct job, when I push him to find job asap, he keep saying he can't, some of time he lost his temper and told me to find for him if I can..he told me we are in not bad shape .. that means he dont feel like he need to work.. I feel like he loves to BE STAY home dad.. he watch TV all time, cook , helps with baby as much and when he can ..

    But I can not keep him like this all my life.. sitting home .. please advice me what to do.

    One more things regarding my old post.. i felt all problems happened because i allowed them to happened , i was people pleaser, no love for my self.. now I comes 1st.. I eat healthy , much more sexy and slim than I was before even I had baby now. Gym , more positive , cut off negative people, no more people pleasing , i come 1st with my need, clear boundaries, no round round answers , I am much CLEAR what I want... I have more patience , no answer back if someone's opinion dont change my goal and direction.

    Ok, this sweet and sour PERSON who is my DH, he is house husband for now. I have baby with him now. He is good father but worst PROVIDER, more my in laws are very much influencing, but seems he dont care much for their opinion ..

    I feel like , I can not afford someone to sit and watch me working while life , I pay his car, my car .. house all... he loves luxury but hate to work..
     
    vrikshakadali and DDream like this.
  10. pinky18

    pinky18 Junior IL'ite

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