Thrift To Rift

Anu was eagerly awaiting the monthly outing with her family, a Sunday evening, the only time where she would be relieved of her humdrum routine just for a few hours. Being a working professional with two growing up children, life for Anu was always on a fast track. Her husband, having unconventional hours of working, was the last one to give her a helping hand. But still she tugged on with her head-breaking job, for the financial security it offered her. So this monthly break of eating out was the most precious one she relished every month. But she and her children knew very well how it would end up!

Though Anu preferred a five-star hotel for the wonderful ambiance it provided, along with its amazing variety of mouth watering international cuisine that her children thoroughly enjoyed, her husband had an entirely different set of views when it came to spending or eating out. While both of them enjoyed the ambiance of star hotels courtesy their hi fi jobs, Anu also wanted her children to get a glimpse of such starry wonders once a while!

Having come from a poor family background, with poverty gnawing away all his childhood dreams, Anu’s husband Ashwin always was reluctant to part with money when it came to entertaining or eating out. So in the restuarant when the kids, with great anticipation, anxiously ordered starters, Ashwin would get worked up and ask them to curb their tendency to binge. The children then reluctantly obliged and selected some exotic dishes from the list of main dishes. Invariably, Ashwin would start calculating the cost of the items and asked the kids to change their options because of the price. Finally he would settle for an ordinary dosa, the one which suited his budget, a dosa which could be easily had from a street vendor. The children were heart-broken and the family would return home utterly disappointed. Anu had no say in the matter as she knew how the conversation would end up in ugly spats in public places. Thus a happy family that was looking forward for an exciting outing would end up with a disappointed weekend.

Anu could have easily skipped her husband and spent happy times with her kids in the restaurant but the kids longed to spend such prized times with their father, whom they rarely got to meet in person. Anu knew these were some of the few moments which Ashwin readily agreed to, but also was the one instrumental in ending it up with lots of unpleasantness. Ashwin loved the kids very much but was not ready to indulge in lavish displays of wealth, where as Anu enjoyed and savoured those special moments which could bring big happy smiles on her children’s face.

Anita was another home maker who had to run daily errands like picking up kids and dropping them at school, paying electricity bills, going to banks for cash withdrawals, cash and cheque deposits, buying vegetables, groceries - the list was endless. She was happy in helping her husband out as he was busy in his business. But what irked her most was his extreme stinginess. When her old mobile stopped working and couldn’t be repaired, she found it hard to communicate with important people she needed to talk to and she badly needed a new one. She could not understand the reason behind her husband’s reluctance in buying her a new one, when he could indulge with the latest smart phone in the market for himself. It was hard for her to digest the ugly truth- not giving the same priority to her, in spite of her constant reminders and doing a donkey’s job. Her husband was one among the stingy species who took their wives for granted and felt that she was not entitled to some basic luxuries because she was not a working woman and so no urgency for buying even a basic model of a phone. So when are men going to realize the preciousness of their better halves and treat them with the same affection and attention they pour over their inanimate objects?

Shekar had worked hard amid tight competition in the realty sector. Having started as an ordinary house broker getting commissions on rented houses, he grew up to become an owner of a realty firm. His financial position was comfortable. Owning two houses and a couple of cars for his personal use, clients and his family, his wife who had stood with him giving rock like support, helping him through troubled times, could now breathe a sigh of relief. So when he provided split air-cons in the bedrooms for the family, she could not believe herself because she knew her husband for his extreme thrift.

During peak summer, just when the children were enjoying the blast of cold air, amid their holidays, he would switch off the air cons and ask them to get used to fans which he felt would not guzzle more power unlike the air cons. His argument was that children should learn to live in difficult situations and times, which would help them face sudden twists and turns in life in future. But his wife would have nothing to do with his excuses since she felt she had already spent her entire youth with nothing but hardships and financial instability staring them at every step and so should they get the brunt of the torture when it is not called for. Both of them could not come to an understanding over conflicting issues and the children were the innocent victims of ensuing cross fire between the couple.

There are scores of men out there who inspite of having all the money in the world, find it hard to grapple with the constant feel of insecurity about losing their money and their family left in dire straits.They constantly talk about the bad old times of how they studied under hurricane lamps, how they walked miles every day to reach their school, how they ate only leftover rice soaked in water, and how they had to starve on many occasions. But the question is, in these times of instant gratfication, where things including money can be obtained with a click of a button, are the children prepared or even least interested in listening to bedtime sob stories even for a moment?

Yes, children should know the value of money because there may be times when they have to face financial crisis at any point of their lives. But giving long lectures about how their parents fought poverty will only put them off the main issue. Think of this: The children are going to be with you only for a few years till their schooling is over and then may leave their cosy nest flying to different parts of the country or world. So the precious moments they are with us should be made memorable for life time. It is ultimately their happiness that matters and what better mementos can we ask for other than the big smiles on their faces? The beautiful planned houses meant for your kids, the money stashed in the banks for their future will all be there, but when your kids grow up and leave, then it is going to be only virtual relationships you are left to deal with. So all those stingy husbands out there - please take a moment to pause over, think about the instability of life and live in the moment!

 

Dear Viji,

Good to have the first FB from you. Kudos to women like you, who inspite of having all the financial freedom, do not boast about your achievements or sacrifices you have made for your family. Now is the time for people like us to relax and enjoy things which we couldn't afford when we were young due to family obligations.
My DH wore the same shirt for three consecutive days at the time of my marriage which made me realize what kind of life I was getting in to. He still does the same but my reaction over the years has become subdued. Spending time and money with family, once in a way is a great way of bonding together. Thanks Viji for your nice FB.

Agatha83

 

Dear Pushpa,
A stingy person is one who thinks twice, when it comes to spending money for his own welfare. I still remember my father, though not well financially and health wise, taking us to movies, Mooremarket, Mahabalipuram etc which did not cost much. Though he died very young, we still remember those happy times even now. Given the instability of our lives, we should make the best of every moment we live.

Agatha83

 

Dear Jayasala,

We have come through a harsh life bereft of money, taking the hardest knocks and punches which comes along with it, in a casual way. I remember struggling to write using only quarter of a full pencil, which my grand father handed over to me with great reluctance. We wrote with leaky pens, our entire palms smudged with ink, traces of it sometimes ending up on our faces. That's how the value of money was instilled in to us.

But nowadays life is uncertain and unpredictable- we are not sure whether we will return safe and alive when we walk out of our house. So it is those happy moments we spend with our family together, in small ways, not lavish but glazed with genuine concern and care, wonderful memories, which are going to be with us forever!
Agatha83