The worst ever stinker !

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Chitvish, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    33,563
    Likes Received:
    3,355
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Friends,


    Please sit alone & read this – otherwise you will be too embarassed to laugh to your heart’s content. Don’t hold me responsible if your stomach almost bursts with laughing.



    BEAN STORY

    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became

    apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave

    up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way

    home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband

    and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

    On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans

    was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I

    would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I

    stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three

    large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I

    released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me




    and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He

    then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

    I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the

    telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned

    and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still




    affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my



    husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one

    leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck

    running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin

    from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The

    stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the




    conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

    The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells




    signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with



    my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very

    relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of




    innocence when my husband returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked



    me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests

    seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

    I nearly died!




    Now, please don’t start boycotting me beans recipes !


    Love & regards,


    Chithra.
     
    Loading...

  2. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    31
    Trophy Points:
    33
    U said it! did stink!!

    HA HA HA

    I have read this joke before and had a hearty laugh this time also. Such an embarassing situation. God!!! Don't let that happen to anyone!!!

    Here is one though not stinking...embarassing!!!

    One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.


    Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

    So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

    So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."


    [​IMG]
     
  3. Seetha3

    Seetha3 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female
    Hearty laugh!!

    Dear Chitvish & Prathi:

    Thanks for making me laugh!!

    Seetha
     
  4. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    941
    Likes Received:
    42
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female
    the day started off with ha! ha! ha!

    Dear Chitra,

    I've read this b4 still made me laugh my heart out.....
    good start to the day...

    Prathi, I've read ur joke tooo, still good to read again..
    let the laughter spread around..
     
  5. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,024
    Likes Received:
    476
    Trophy Points:
    190
    Gender:
    Female
    some home remedy for tummy ache, Chitvish?

    Dear Chitvish and Prathi,
    Both the jokes were very laughable. Chitvish, you seem to be getting really younger. Beware, Mr.V, or else you will be left behind.
    Actually, this gas problem, as we say here, is an embarassment. In our home, my hubby has a problems and her always blaes the others. Myself and my son just exchange glances and laugh to ourselves, otherwise he will get angry.
    More jokes, please.
    varloo
     
  6. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,310
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Chitra,
    That was hilarious.....it is so much on my mind that i am still imagining the first joke and wondering what would have happened to all the guests ...didn't they faint...did they , is that why they were so quiet?:tongue ha ha...and imagine this lady 's situation, :oops: ...what a pity!
    And Prathi, poor guy....how did he manage to keep quiet throughout.......:tongue ha ha ...too good....
    Nice way to start the day....laughing..i hope i don't endup laughing aloud on my own when i am outside...people are going to wonder if i have gone bonkers!

    great....some more stinkers or non stinkers please, any of you.....
    regards
     
  7. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,483
    Likes Received:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Hilarious

    HiMrs CV and Prathi,

    Both the jokes were hilarious. I would have liked to see the reaction on the guests faces!!

    Nice start to my day here.
    Thanks
    Vandhana
     
  8. Selvi

    Selvi Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh my god... Mrs.CV, u did it again!!!!!! accompanied by Prathi... :)

    I had to suppress my laughter since im in the office.. I cant help but keep smiling :)

    Keep it coming ladies !!!!!!

    :)
     
  9. jayana

    jayana Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Those were really good ones...

    Hello Mrs.Chitha n Parthi,

    I am reading these jokes for the first time........they were really hilarious...ha..ha...ha.....

    Have a nice day...

    Jay
     

Share This Page