The Injection

I am neither too good in expressing my thoughts well nor do I have a proficient excellence over this language. But just thought of writing this since it keeps blinking often. Its lengthy. Sorry that I couldn’t make it short.

Whenever I and my husband return home after a tiring outing, though both are equally tired, I will be the one who prepares him a refreshing coffee. He never came forward to prepare a coffee for me. Of course he will definitely prepare one if I ask for, but when I am automatically in a ‘ready mode’ for preparing a coffee for him, why can’t he do the same?

Why can’t he prepare a good tea or coffee for me before I ask… Don’t I deserve a nice coffee after a tiring outing? But my heart convinced my mind that since I love him so much, I do that to keep him happy always and there is no need for him to do the same. I was very happy about the way my heart replied, and continued doing that.In fact in my subconscious mind, it is strongly registered that I am the one who should prepare coffee for him and he can rest at once he comes home.

Another thing that bothered me is, there were many dishes and vegetables which I always hated before getting married, but those were the things I started loving after marriage. Because my husband loves those dishes and vegetables.

I think many women would have changed their food habits after their marriage. Actually am happy about that change because now I include many vegetables without ignoring. But I have no reply when I questioned myself when did I cook all my favourite dishes just for myself. I got used to the style of cooking which suits the family. But will the family be ok to eat food as per my style?!! At least for a week?! They can’t even do this for me?!! I keep questioning. May be they might. But definitely with difficulty. But am doing the same with happiness. Why is that?

Another new me that I saw is, whenever I cooked any special dish, let’s say a fish fry or something(my husband is a core non vegetarian so no good vegetarian dish is coming to my mind as of now). So a yummy fish fry….My hand automatically keeps all the good pieces in his plate, in addition to it, I keep more to him rather than to myself, though I love the dish equally like him….

Do I call this love?!!! My heart said ‘love is keeping your loved one happy, ‘Love is considering the happiness of your partner, rather than yours’ and I was happy until a question popped up from my mind.

I love my parents and Siblings, equally. In fact that bonding was stronger since it had a huge foundation. I never showed my love in that way! I never added an extra piece in my mom’s plate! In fact I took it from her plate. I really did not understand why I do that…. Its love or?!!! Don’t know!!! May be something which my mind did not or do not understand!

So all these things means that my husband would do all household chores, only if I ask for. He never gets that feel to do by himself.

I would get a coffee when I ask for. But only when I say that am tired and I am in need of a coffee. At times he cooks, but only when he has a mood for cooking or when am sick. Whenever he cooked, my heart praised him so much for being such a lovely husband. But does he help me when there is an actual need?!! When I do multi-tasking before starting to my office, he was ‘generous’ enough to help me. Again only if I ask! Else he would be happy reading each and every news about every country rather than knowing how his better half is struggling to prepare all the three meals morning itself.

Why can’t he cook?! Why can’t he clean the dishes by himself? Why can’t he cook dinner after a tiring outing? Why can’t he do?!!! Actually he does!! But only if I ask him to. Why is that?!!!

On the other hand, the Indian girl in me is proud of sacrificing my favorite dishes and getting used to a different food habit….the Indian girl is proud of sacrificing my fish pieces for him….that Indian girl celebrates him if he prepares a coffee for me when I am tired…the Indian girl in me feels proud when he cooks for me…..

But finally, is it that I don’t deserve a good treatment which my husband gets from me?!!! Is it that I will get only if I ask for?!! That too once in a while…. ? I remember doing all these to my mom. But I was her kid. My husband is not a kid. He is my better half…a grown adult…And am not his mom…

But why I am happy when I sacrifice all these things just because am a woman?!!! And I think many women are feeling happy and proud when they do that.Why the woman’s subconscious mind says that she needs to do all these things though she doesn’t get treated the same way?

Also don’t a woman know other woman’s struggles?! Aren’t loving and responsible moms (in the name of mother in laws) the reason for dowry deaths in India?!!(Yes! It still happens. Not just here and there) if a woman decides, can’t she stop getting dowries and dowry deaths in her family?!! Or is she so greedy for money that she is even ready to kill another woman?!! Who injects all this into a woman’s mind? Who makes her to ask for dowry? Who makes her to prefer son than a daughter? Who makes her to feel proud of having a ‘son’? Why the society is injecting all these things into her brain and make her stand strong against another fellow woman.

Fine! It’s easy for us to brush away the things that we don’t see in our day to day lives (e.g. dowry deaths). But we don’t have an answer for this day to day question.

When both husband and wife work, why is that the wife alone wakes up early before husband and starts cooking for the entire family?!! Why Indian men (I do not know about other country) don’t help their wives automatically?!!! Who designs them like that?!! Again its we women who design them like that. It’s so deeply stamped in our hearts that women are primary in doing household and men are just secondary even though both women and men work.

We women though we struggle hard as a women, we will again get ready to do the same to the other women.

Why women are being injected this way?!!! - Let’s think about this and sow good seeds in the hearts of our kids so that we will have good husbands, good wives, good human beings, and good citizens in the future. We shall be the reason for seeing happier daughter in laws, happier wives in the future. As Jawaharlal Nehru said, "You can tell the condition of a Nation by looking at the status of its Women."

After all it’s in our hands!!! We are that powerful and let’s stop others from injecting us!!!

 

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts Agatha mam!!!

Actually to be frank, I dnt even find it is a big problem (after all Indian mentality you see) but these questions kept popping very often so I wrote this. But it is a problem in reality which is being covered up by many Indian wives just like me....

But as you said, I have questioned him many times... Why such things are only for women....why such rules are only for women...I ask him everything that pops up in my mind (am lucky that I don't have to think and talk cautiously with him). After I bombard him with all my questions, I will ask him "Do you find what I asked is wrong?". He will look at me and reply firmly "Definitely No but I don't have an answer for this. I am always there to help you when you need. But you should ask me. Because I really dont feel like doing things by myself. May be here after I might think" I feel this is the state of many Indian husbands. I think when we ask them, they will definitely think about this while we bring up our kids. I think the next generation won't face this as an issue if both mom and dad take step and sow good seed in their child's heart!!!

 

Thanks Neha dear....
As you said, yes partially it has changed. But still woman is the one who is balancing both office and home.
I feel though men and women have equal role to play, still women is the one who wakes up early, do everything and again do everything after returning from work and again the routine keeps going.
But my doubt is are we women clear first of all?...Will we be happy if our sons (in future) wakes up early for cooking and again cooks dinner after returning home. If we are truly happy about it, then I think the problem would be solved in future.

 

Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts!!!
What I meant by dowry is if a woman takes a step forward, I personally feel that she can stop it altogether(at least in her family).
But why women are against women?!! Why her mind is injected that way....That was my concern...
Few things are going on without we women realizing what we are doing. Thats what I tried to convey!
Once again thank you so much!!!
By the way, thanks for sharing that article!!!

 

Thanks again.
I understood all these and that is why I have written "Why women are being injected in this way"...And lets pause for a moment and think rather than working as per the injection.