The Golden Cage

HariLakhera · Oct 1, 2017

The golden cage!

Today visited Durga Puja celebrations organized by Bengali Association at Memphis. The gathering was mix of young and old, children and grown ups, men and women of Bengal or Bengali origin. There were some non Bengalis like me. Talked to some seniors who been here for fifty years or more. All professionals in the field of medicines, education, management and technocrats. The very fact that they celebrate Durga Puja every year makes me to think that since they cannot visit the country this time of the year every now and then, they have brought the country to Memphis. They somehow want to keep in touch with their roots.

Some of them are parents of children settled here. Parents who spent a good part of their life in India and for various reasons decided to join their children here on permanent basis. Everything is better here- better climate, comfortable carefree living, no pollution, no power outs, twenty four hours water supply, healthy food, air-conditioned housing. On top it there are loving and caring children and grand children. Then what is that which is saying no! it is not for me? Like a bird in a golden cage wishing to fly away! How come that this does not feel like a home?

There have been stories of people returning to their homes after almost a whole life spent in a foreign country. As young, to make it big in life, they left for foreign shores with a suitcase and possibly a bottle of native water. Left for a place they knew no body, off to a place of strange language and culture, into a place with unforgiving climate and difficult terrains. And as they start growing old, the emptiness creeps in. The desire to be cremated or buried six feet down under in a familiar place called home crops up.

But what is home? Is not is a place where you live irrespective of where you were born? Is home not a place where the heart is? Is it not a place where your children live?

Mamata who got permanent residency a few years back and keeps shuttling to and fro India has no definite clue. Mamata is missing the house she was raised in, she is missing the house she made her home and lived for over fifty years with her husband. She is missing the home where she raised her chodren. She is missing here cousins, relatives, friends, neighbors. She is even missing the vegetables vendors, the milk booth, the ironing man, the paperwala, the scrap dealer, almost every body with whom she talked now and then. She is even missing the chaos in the street, the garbage dumps,the uncertain water or power supply. She is missing almost everything and finds nothing as replacement in comparison.

She is in the state of to be or not to be. On the one side is the assured love and care of her children in the sun set years of her life and on the other side is the long life lived back in India.

shyamala1234 · Oct 1, 2017

HariLakhera said: ↑

The golden cage!

Today visited Durga Puja celebrations organized by Bengali Association at Memphis. The gathering was mix of young and old, children and grown ups, men and women of Bengal or Bengali origin. There were some non Bengalis like me. Talked to some seniors who been here for fifty years or more. All professionals in the field of medicines, education, management and technocrats. The very fact that they celebrate Durga Puja every year makes me to think that since they cannot visit the country this time of the year every now and then, they have brought the country to Memphis. They somehow want to keep in touch with their roots.

Some of them are parents of children settled here. Parents who spent a good part of their life in India and for various reasons decided to join their children here on permanent basis. Everything is better here- better climate, comfortable carefree living, no pollution, no power outs, twenty four hours water supply, healthy food, air-conditioned housing. On top it there are loving and caring children and grand children. Then what is that which is saying no! it is not for me? Like a bird in a golden cage wishing to fly away! How come that this does not feel like a home?

There have been stories of people returning to their homes after almost a whole life spent in a foreign country. As young, to make it big in life, they left for foreign shores with a suitcase and possibly a bottle of native water. Left for a place they knew no body, off to a place of strange language and culture, into a place with unforgiving climate and difficult terrains. And as they start growing old, the emptiness creeps in. The desire to be cremated or buried six feet down under in a familiar place called home crops up.

But what is home? Is not is a place where you live irrespective of where you were born? Is home not a place where the heart is? Is it not a place where your children live?

Mamata who got permanent residency a few years back and keeps shuttling to and fro India has no definite clue. Mamata is missing the house she was raised in, she is missing the house she made her home and lived for over fifty years with her husband. She is missing the home where she raised her chodren. She is missing here cousins, relatives, friends, neighbors. She is even missing the vegetables vendors, the milk booth, the ironing man, the paperwala, the scrap dealer, almost every body with whom she talked now and then. She is even missing the chaos in the street, the garbage dumps,the uncertain water or power supply. She is missing almost everything and finds nothing as replacement in comparison.

She is in the state of to be or not to be. On the one side is the assured love and care of her children in the sun set years of her life and on the other side is the long life lived back in India.
Click to expand...

Dear Hariji,
Golden cage...expression is good.
When young ones priorities are different . They are ambitious, want to achieve, have a comfortable life...travel to fulfill all these things to foreign lands and make their homes. Many of these ambitions get fufiled also. If they feel themselves aliens from day one they cannot do or achieve any of the things mentioned. Study, research, raising a family, comfortable life.....are on the uppermost part of their thinking. After 4 decades....when children move out, themselves retired, loneliness creeps up....next layer of brain which has all childhood memories, place where they lived, relationships take priority and they carve for them. But children are in foreign...their roots are their. Hence the turmoil and confusion. Feel unhappy.
Seniors who migrate from India feel the same thing in an opposite way. Their attachments, home, small small daily experiences, interaction in day to day life...cannot come out of them easily. How long can one live in a five star hotel? After a few days one pines for their little home, independence, people to talk with...all these they miss. O.k. children are grown up, leading good and prosperous lives, need not worry about them. They want to live for themselves. Because children also do care for parents, want them to live with them. Seniors try....some successful and some not. There is no permanent solution. Individual temperament, health, independence...all these have to co operate. So, no perfect solution. Some keep shuffling as long as health permits...but later on! Nobody knows. We have questions but no answers.
Syamala

jayasala42 · Oct 1, 2017

I endorse what Syamala has expressed.
Health is the main issue as age advances.For a small fracture my husband had to wait for 10 hrs in US.Here in Chennai, we go to the doctor, immediate X ray, computerised results, bandaging or putting a cast.Job is over within half an hour.If one falls ill in US,the simplest and cheapest thing is to pack the patient and send him/her to India,almost all say.In old age we can't avoid diseases.Another head ache is getting the Green Card documents fulfilled.Those born prior to Independence find it difficult to get Birth Cert, wedding cert etc.Getting affidavit from a person senior to you atleast by 7 years is difficult when the candidate himself is above 80.
The feeling of 'our land' cannot be compared with any amount of comforts, fresh air etc.After a certain age, love, affection, care etc become farce when the daughter, son and their own kids are busy in their own way.
Better elders get used to enjoy loneliness and take it as a part of life experience.Things would be different if the elderly ones become totally immobile and need permanent assistance.
jayasala 42

Thyagarajan · Oct 1, 2017

HariLakhera said: ↑

The golden cage!

Today visited Durga Puja celebrations organized by Bengali Association at Memphis. The gathering was mix of young and old, children and grown ups, men and women of Bengal or Bengali origin. There were some non Bengalis like me. Talked to some seniors who been here for fifty years or more. All professionals in the field of medicines, education, management and technocrats. The very fact that they celebrate Durga Puja every year makes me to think that since they cannot visit the country this time of the year every now and then, they have brought the country to Memphis. They somehow want to keep in touch with their roots.

Some of them are parents of children settled here. Parents who spent a good part of their life in India and for various reasons decided to join their children here on permanent basis. Everything is better here- better climate, comfortable carefree living, no pollution, no power outs, twenty four hours water supply, healthy food, air-conditioned housing. On top it there are loving and caring children and grand children. Then what is that which is saying no! it is not for me? Like a bird in a golden cage wishing to fly away! How come that this does not feel like a home?

There have been stories of people returning to their homes after almost a whole life spent in a foreign country. As young, to make it big in life, they left for foreign shores with a suitcase and possibly a bottle of native water. Left for a place they knew no body, off to a place of strange language and culture, into a place with unforgiving climate and difficult terrains. And as they start growing old, the emptiness creeps in. The desire to be cremated or buried six feet down under in a familiar place called home crops up.

But what is home? Is not is a place where you live irrespective of where you were born? Is home not a place where the heart is? Is it not a place where your children live?

Mamata who got permanent residency a few years back and keeps shuttling to and fro India has no definite clue. Mamata is missing the house she was raised in, she is missing the house she made her home and lived for over fifty years with her husband. She is missing the home where she raised her chodren. She is missing here cousins, relatives, friends, neighbors. She is even missing the vegetables vendors, the milk booth, the ironing man, the paperwala, the scrap dealer, almost every body with whom she talked now and then. She is even missing the chaos in the street, the garbage dumps,the uncertain water or power supply. She is missing almost everything and finds nothing as replacement in comparison.

She is in the state of to be or not to be. On the one side is the assured love and care of her children in the sun set years of her life and on the other side is the long life lived back in India.
Click to expand...

Dear .Hariji,
. Distance lent enchantment. But always lurking at the back of the mind your longing to meet your old pals with whom you did grow, played, danced and discussed perhaps life's nuances, matured etc. It is natural for one to long and seek solace in the land and society nurtured you especially in your formative years. The cage being made of Gold or any other superior material is of no consequence. The robust macaw would like to free wheel. Thanks . Regards.

Thyagarajan · Oct 1, 2017

Oh it is so complicated for aged parents from India to reside in US. THANKS FOR INFO.
REGARDS.

HariLakhera · Oct 2, 2017

shyamala1234 said: ↑

Dear Hariji,
Golden cage...expression is good.
When young ones priorities are different . They are ambitious, want to achieve, have a comfortable life...travel to fulfill all these things to foreign lands and make their homes. Many of these ambitions get fufiled also. If they feel themselves aliens from day one they cannot do or achieve any of the things mentioned. Study, research, raising a family, comfortable life.....are on the uppermost part of their thinking. After 4 decades....when children move out, themselves retired, loneliness creeps up....next layer of brain which has all childhood memories, place where they lived, relationships take priority and they carve for them. But children are in foreign...their roots are their. Hence the turmoil and confusion. Feel unhappy.
Seniors who migrate from India feel the same thing in an opposite way. Their attachments, home, small small daily experiences, interaction in day to day life...cannot come out of them easily. How long can one live in a five star hotel? After a few days one pines for their little home, independence, people to talk with...all these they miss. O.k. children are grown up, leading good and prosperous lives, need not worry about them. They want to live for themselves. Because children also do care for parents, want them to live with them. Seniors try....some successful and some not. There is no permanent solution. Individual temperament, health, independence...all these have to co operate. So, no perfect solution. Some keep shuffling as long as health permits...but later on! Nobody knows. We have questions but no answers.
Syamala
Click to expand...

You said it. It's a difficult choice. In the beginning there is no feeling of a cage. It's a new world where everything glitters. And then all that glitters is not gold. Want to fly away. At a later date when health does not permit it's like a bird returning to the mast of the ship it abounded in the hope of finding a new abode in a border less sea but not finding one.

HariLakhera · Oct 2, 2017

jayasala42 said: ↑

I endorse what Syamala has expressed.
Health is the main issue as age advances.For a small fracture my husband had to wait for 10 hrs in US.Here in Chennai, we go to the doctor, immediate X ray, computerised results, bandaging or putting a cast.Job is over within half an hour.If one falls ill in US,the simplest and cheapest thing is to pack the patient and send him/her to India,almost all say.In old age we can't avoid diseases.Another head ache is getting the Green Card documents fulfilled.Those born prior to Independence find it difficult to get Birth Cert, wedding cert etc.Getting affidavit from a person senior to you atleast by 7 years is difficult when the candidate himself is above 80.
The feeling of 'our land' cannot be compared with any amount of comforts, fresh air etc.After a certain age, love, affection, care etc become farce when the daughter, son and their own kids are busy in their own way.
Better elders get used to enjoy loneliness and take it as a part of life experience.Things would be different if the elderly ones become totally immobile and need permanent assistance.
jayasala 42
Click to expand...

Thanks for your comments. There is no doubt that health care in India is cheaper and that possibly is the reason why India can claim to be a medical center of the world.
My point is not if one can get a green card/permanent residency or not. My point is not the cost benefit f health care also. I have no experience but am sure accountability part is more serious in the USA than India. But that is different subject.
The other day I was watching a TV show where a PIO was expressing his love for motherland after almost a full life spent outside motherland. Some years back a PIO from Bali was on a mission to trace his roots in India. His forefathers left the country some 200 years back. All this may be drama. But there is a certain truth in the fact that after a time, they miss the home.
'Desh me nikla hoga Chand' sung by Jagjit Singh and 'chhithi aai hai' sung by Pankaj Udhas became so popular for this very reason.

HariLakhera · Oct 2, 2017

Thyagarajan said: ↑

Oh it is so complicated for aged parents from India to reside in US. THANKS FOR INFO.
REGARDS.
Click to expand...

Dear Shri Thyagrajan,
Yes it is very complicated. Some even went back. There can be reasons that they were not treated well by children. But mostly missed the fragrance of the home soil.

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Oct 3, 2017

Dear Hari,
Home is where the heart is. One's home is made of the places and people one loves or cherishes most. It could be with children whom they love or a place where they were born and brought up and spent most of their life and could move freely on their own.
People do not want to depend on someone unless they are forced to, due to health problems.
Though the cage might be gold, after all a cage is a cage.
People love to be free birds.
PS

BhumiBabe · Oct 3, 2017

This is an interesting topic. As a first generation adult, I am all too familiar with the parent generation who immigrated from India and raised their children in the US. My own mother has been homesick for India for 30 years, and finally has the opportunity to visit her parents and siblings yearly, after becoming an empty nester.
The interesting thing is, while her childhood memories may be in India, her children and grandchildren are in the US- it's tough to be separated from them for extended periods of time. Other elderly couples who had thought to return to India and settle, have struggled to find the peace by staying in just one country. To this day, they shuttle around the globe to stay near the people they love and the lifestyle they are accustomed to.
It is not the modern conveniences that bind this older generation to their US soil, it's the years of connection and involvement of their respective environments (through temples, NGOs, businesses) that entrench them. It's not a gilded cage, but unforeseen roots to their adoptive country (and lack in their 'home' India).