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The basic character of an Indian Husband.... What is acceptable and what is not?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Jan 27, 2012.

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  1. Jan 28, 2012 #21
    rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    Thats a great light post and so are al the replies!!!

    A perfect husband with all qualities does seem a tough task for ladies who are looking for the same. Every individual is born with some flaws and is nowhere near perfect. So I guess, a man who is willing to make some compromises and adjustments in his married life (just as he expects his better-half to) can come under this category. After all, life is more beautiful with a little give and take from both sides.
     
    rkgurbani, Jan 28, 2012
    rkgurbani, Jan 28, 2012
    #21
  2. Jan 30, 2012 #22
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    It is not impossible Deepa...

    In my life, I have seen almost all the men with such qualities except my husband and FIL (poor me). My dad was able to manage his parents, siblings and wife without any fail so is my sister's husband and his brother (who married to my cousin). Almost all my friends have husbands with somewhat similar qualities when it comes to dealing with their parents (extended relatives).

    It is very simple according to me.... After marriage, a man should be able to decide what is his immediate family, what is his responsibility over his immediate family and how can he still maintain the close relationship with his extended family without harming his own family or its members. Simple.

    If there is any unwanted interference, he should be able to draw a line and stop outsiders right there and deal all the in house matters with his own family. At the same time it is not a big deal to adjust with parents with soft tones when they are not listening or over interfering type. After all, if you do not let them, how can they hurt your wife?

    Thanks all for posting in
     
    Tugga, Jan 30, 2012
    Tugga, Jan 30, 2012
    #22
    1 person likes this.
  3. Jan 30, 2012 #23
    deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    Definitely.. :) Anyways no one is 100% perfect, is it not... And what will you do if he is 100% perfect.. There must be something not perfect in them (husbands) for us (wives) to change, so we can show off that we changed them to a nice human being..!! Lolz.. :)
     
    deepa10, Jan 30, 2012
    deepa10, Jan 30, 2012
    #23
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  4. Jan 30, 2012 #24
    deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes Tugga, definitely its possible, and that is how most of the Indian families run, the percentage might change but the balance would be there. Hope all your problems will be solved and your husband would become a HERO soon.

    As far as me, Yes, I do have a hero in my house. But I am very thankful to my in-laws who have brought him so well and taught him how to treat a woman in the house (be it mom, wife,, sister or aunt).

    BTW, it is a nice thread and very interesting replies!! :)
     
    deepa10, Jan 30, 2012
    deepa10, Jan 30, 2012
    #24
  5. Jan 30, 2012 #25
    tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Hilarious!! And totally agree cos I'm a woman..lol
    My husband says it himself most of the time. "What would you do if I were perfect? You wouldn't have the chance to yell at me and entertain the neighbours!!" lol
     
    tanoshii, Jan 30, 2012
    tanoshii, Jan 30, 2012
    #25
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  6. Jan 30, 2012 #26
    SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    In between mom and wife.. what if one of them is lying very clearly...?
     
    SreeSri, Jan 30, 2012
    SreeSri, Jan 30, 2012
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  7. Jan 30, 2012 #27
    Socialbee

    Socialbee Silver IL'ite

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    Nice Post !! Before marriage, I never had much expectations about how my husband should be in particular.. But after marriage, to my own surprise, I realized how much expectations unknowingly I had from him :)

    If he didn't speak for me, I felt bad :( If he didn't speak to me, I felt bad :( If he was serious most of the time, I felt bad :( If he didn't buy one thing which I asked for, I felt bad :( If he didn't care for my parents, I felt bad :( .....

    I don't know , now if it really matters whether these things are acceptable to me or not, but all that matters is how I can adjust myself accordingly :)
    Not everyone has the ability to choose and decide what is acceptable to them :)
     
    Socialbee, Jan 30, 2012
    Socialbee, Jan 30, 2012
    #27
  8. Jan 31, 2012 #28
    Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Is it that hard for a man to understand who is lying and who is not? Couldnt he see the patterns of lies, habits and other matters? Couldn't he compare the person's behavior (mom or wife - the one who is unreasonable) before and after his marriage?

    Is it that difficult for a man to deal with?
     
    Tugga, Jan 31, 2012
    Tugga, Jan 31, 2012
    #28
  9. Jan 31, 2012 #29
    flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    To some men the wife is always an outsider , let alone parents even SILs are more trustworthy than his wife. His siblings, nieces and nephews are dearer to him than his own flesh and blood kids !
    This is because he has been taught by his Mom that the wife should be subjugated as she is after his riches and should always be distrusted. Strange but true , I have seen men siding with their relatives against wife and kids.If there is a problem in the family then the wife is always the wrongdoer , never his own family member. No evidence is required to pass the judgement.

    Most men in our society treat a wife like a child/son bearing machine , a slave to look after their needs with no voice of her own, lowest in heirarchy. She is always wrong,foolish, should always apologise , always be a supplicant.
    The pathetic position of women in our society is due to the dowry/gifts given at the marriage to the grooms family, it seems that her parents are paying to get rid of her!
    No wonder the DH always sees himself as a God to be deified , many wifes do a good job of treating him like one !
     
    flowerlady, Jan 31, 2012
    flowerlady, Jan 31, 2012
    #29
  10. Jan 31, 2012 #30
    SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    Its not the issue of FINDING who is lying.. but its issue of handling the lair without leaving them..

    Managing.. them.. hard to change the people after certain age.. since they know clearly that they are lying but wont accept (its like waking up the one who is acting sleeping.... not actually sleeping)
     
    SreeSri, Jan 31, 2012
    SreeSri, Jan 31, 2012
    #30
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