1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

The Art Of Asking Questions

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by SpringB, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. SpringB

    SpringB Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    291
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Asking questions is simple that is what I thought until recently. Though there are different strategies to ask questions most of us ask simple questions to probably learn about something or someone. Being a common man most of us will be naive to common questioning techniques. We might probably be used to asking open and close ended questions. A simple Yes or No will suffice.

    Sometimes a parent might use funnel questions to ask their children to start with generally and drilling down to the detail. Again this is more of knowing or information seeking strategy. Sometimes we are used to Probing questions at work where more information is needed for clarification. Sometimes it also helps in drawing out required information which otherwise a colleague might not be willing to respond or share. Sometimes we also use leading questions where one leads the person answering to what they expect.

    You might be wondering if I am writing an article about effective way of asking questions. Rather I want to share about someone who uses one or all the above strategies in asking questions. She is a clever and intelligent person, Akila is my good friend. Initially our conversation will start very generally. Slowly she will start asking questions. The first time it happened I was unaware of the grave I was digging for myself by innocently answering her. It started out as a given a scenario what should one do ? And then the funneling questions started followed by leading questions and by the time I realized where she was leading me with those answers it was too late. It was never a straight question given this scenario why did you do this or say this? That would have given me an opportunity to explain myself. Instead she used all the above strategies only to make me realize that I made a big fool of myself. This happened not once but couple of times.

    Since then on I tried to avoid her questions and would rub it off gently or put a fun twist around. All the more I tried to build awareness when she started "Ok tell me this". I would literally be in fear if she starts asking questions. Now finally she understood I am not giving in unlike earlier and very disappointed that she is not getting the expected answer. I am afraid that no matter what I answer she will find a way to twist or turn my words. She is a nice person but don’t know why she is doing this to me. My other friends do not find this as an issue and they hardly even observe this but every time she does this I get hurt and don’t know how to escape her questions. Finally I avoided one of her questions or tried giving her some vague answer which she did not appreciate and she stopped talking with me and also made me look like a fool in front of my other friends. I don’t understand what point she is trying to prove.

    I am just trying to understand the psychology behind this. Why would anyone do this? She is a good friend though. Don’t know if she is doing this unknowingly or being too clever she is just having fun. After interacting with her I feel I can handle any questions that are personal or professional but anything that gives a vague scenario or demands any explanation of why I said what I said if this was a case (which is some imaginary scenario) I should practice “No Comments”. What type of questions you are ok to answer?

    Source Credit : Web - for listing different type of questions and their approach
     
    Paripoorna, Cheeniya and Thyagarajan like this.
    Loading...

  2. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,471
    Likes Received:
    14,051
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Interesting thread @SpringB
    When I ask questions, the answer that I invariably get is 'Mum is the word'. Question and answer is the best way to learn. We have been following it from Vedic days.
     
    SpringB, Amulet and Thyagarajan like this.
  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,707
    Likes Received:
    2,799
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Have been following that* ...o_O?

    One of the oft-heard comments about "edjucation these days" is that there is a whole lot of cramming, and committing things to memory without questioning anything at all.
    That, as well as showing deference to older people, even though they be idiots.

    *I've heard that schools in Shanti Niketan (Calcutta) attempt to do that, but thwarted by the straight-jackets of various certification requirements for the average child who wants to grow up to be mediocre and make a decent living.
     
    SpringB and Cheeniya like this.
  4. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,471
    Likes Received:
    14,051
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    I chanced on this text about learning during Vedic Period:
    'Vedic Period in India and Methods of Teaching:
    There were mainly three steps of learning according to Vedic system. Sravana, the first step meant listening towards the texts as uttered by the teacher. By this method of education, knowledge was conserved and transmitted to the oncoming generation. The second step was Manana i.e. to internalize or to assimilate what was given to the pupil.

    It is a process of deliberation and reflection on the topic. The third step was Nididhyasana (Meditation) by which truth is realised and attained. It was considered indispensable for the realization of the Supreme Reality.

    The ancient system of teaching was listening (Shruti). Perception was the direct method of learning. Lecture, dialogue, debate, discussion, question-answer, sight seeing etc. were adopted as the methods of teaching. On the whole both intuitive and empirical methods, both Yogic and Scientific methods were adopted for acquisition of knowledge and skills.'
     
    SpringB and Thyagarajan like this.
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    3,446
    Likes Received:
    3,829
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    Quite interesting pedagogy.
    Somewhere it entails brain storming sessions & out of box thinking too.
    When I assumed charges in branch office, I found clerk was habitually coming late. Few days later, I stood outside my chamber along with those already present, when the late comer arrived wishing me “good morning Sir”, I responded thus:
    “ it is ok. But you are very early for tomorrow’s work”. He surprised a bit but replied, “Sir, I had come for yesterday’s work; but today being salary day, I had come early.” The hall echoed with laughter of the rest of staff that included mine.
    Any questions to him he would dodge nicely with equivocal responses. Another day I found him coming late and said “ you are late today”. He said, “am I late today, Sir?” I told he had been late everyday. He dodged with a nice reply - “am I been late every day Sir?”

    To do away with his late coming, I posted him later to out door work at the Bombay Port to work in open exposed to vagaries of weather. He resigned few months later.

    After two decades I attended a share holders’ meeting and one of the share holders from audience asked a tricky question and the CEO pointed to one sitting on the stage with him to answer.

    That man stood up and casually gave a befitting reply to the share holder question. He was none other than the clerk who resigned from my office decades ago. He proved himself to be an asset to company’s management team.
    One must learn to question others to know the truth like lawyers.
    One must be like a Diplomat to answer the question “yes” intoning “No” & vice versa.
    A friend of my son during his surprise visit to our home, suddenly asked me, “uncle - How much pension you are getting?”
    I smiled and responded, “what are you going to do with my pension?”
    He never visited me again. All that one need to do is to think and keeping in view the surrounding, “why this so & so putting this question to me?”.

    People generally think that it is easy to answer kids, but at times one realise how kid was asking such an intelligent question to which he or she remains dumbfounded. A kid was asking mom, when it began drizzling, “mom - who is pissing from sky?”
    This also stands FB to OP
    @SpringB

    Thanks and Regards.
    God has provided all answers in Nature.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2019
    SpringB, Cheeniya and Amulet like this.
  6. SpringB

    SpringB Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    291
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Asking questions or answering them is an art to be mastered (for me) that I lack too. Thanks for the responses
     
  7. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    217
    Likes Received:
    200
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    A friend of mine is an expert in such questions and answers. I assumed her to be a good friend and whenever she would ask questions i would not only answer it but give additional information mainly because i liked to talk to her. She is very funny,clever and out of the box thinking type person. Our conversations would go on for so long. But the moment i ask her a question she would give totally vague answers which would give me no motivation to talk further. Then there is nothing to talk. I realised my mistakes very late. I did enjoy her company very much but now i understand there was no truth in that friendship. May be she used me to pass her time. Dont know why some people are curious to know about others and secretive about themselves.

    Another friend hides a lot of important information. Our kids are in the same class. She would reveal all silly things and cleverly hide anything that would be useful to me. The interaction with her is so frequent that her cunningness doesnt remain hidden for long.
    I wonder why have people become so insecure and competitive for silly things.
     
    SpringB and Vedhavalli like this.
  8. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    534
    Likes Received:
    716
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    @SpringB I'm thankful for the questions raised in your thread.
    I was wondering if only I meet such people, seems there are dozen others as @paru123 mentioned.
    Don't answer her questions such persons won't be satisfied with vague answers they will drill & drill to get what they want. They aren't friends they compare thier life with others. It's better have a aquitances relationship with them. Real friends 'share' info don't ask 'info'.
    I have ''friends" who calls only to ask information about school, classes, activities so on. They never give away any info. I recognized after 2 yrs was so dumb. One lady always called me spoke for hrs, went out with shopping, so on but it was a trap to pick her / drop her, she didn't knew driving or wanted to spend for Uber. Once I said I can't pick up she was rude for next few days. She called to ask a glass kitchenware price she cut the call once I said price n shop name. I took that box on a potluck omg she remembered that!
    One lady at my child's activity class keep asking me something or other. I don't even know her 2 months back behaves as if she knows me comments on everything. Asking personal questions to extreme, I slowly started avoiding her, she would purposely walk to me n say something. @paru123 even I wonder why have people become so insecure and competitive for silly things.
    The person who ask a question will never answer if ask same question the very next moment.
    Apart from avoiding them , I need to learn how to handle them
    @Thyagarajan sir
    pls share valuable tips on how to not to give more info than needed.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2019
    Thyagarajan and SpringB like this.
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    3,446
    Likes Received:
    3,829
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello:one has to think like a lawyer before attempting to answer any personal question especially from strangers or acquaintances. Stealing information personal can always be used to disrepute the concerned person later when it suits them most or to accomplish their inner agenda.
    Here are a bunch of questions which one has to be guarded about answering given by a lawyer;
    • How are you going to vote?”
    • “Where do you live?”
    • “How much did you pay for your house?”
    • “How much do you pay for your rent?”
    • “How much do you earn?”
    • “How did you get this job anyway, do you know someone?”
    • “How old are you?”
    • “Do you have a partner?”
    • “Why are you single?”
    • “Are you still living with your parents?”
    • “Is that your natural hair colour?”
    • “So when are you going to settle down?”
    • “Are you ever going to have kids?”
    • “How much do you weigh?”
    • “How do you make money from your business?
    • the trick lies in answering a question of this nature by a counter question with or without answering the person concerned.
     

Share This Page