Suggestion Required, REq if consultant can help

Sushma0204 · Jan 20, 2016

I have finally thought of writing my mind, my life here. It's the biggest truth of my life. I am married to my BF from last 6 years. Since it was a love marriage I got married at 22. I have completed my studies and working from last 8 years in corporate sector.

My husband is 4 years elder to me, into business, doing okay in his life, he is not much educated and can't conversate in english. He has always been a womanizer due to his good looks, woman are intended towards him and he is proud of that and He is a good person, good from heart. A good human being.

First two years of marriage went in adjusting with his family, problem with inlawas and all during this time i found my husband was involved with other women's, I don't know how many but every now and then I used to read messages on his phone etc. Whenever I confronted him, he gave me excuses, we used to end up fighting and then making up after few days. I somehow got used to this life.

One day I met a guy over social networking site,we started chatting on net, we gelled along pretty well. After so long I felt as if I am needed, atleast there was someone to praise me, to talk to me, to discuss things with me. We used to chat almost 10hrs a day. He was based at different city so we connected on phone and started talking and chatting whole day. It was all going well, I started living a good life and it continued till 6months and my husband got to know abt this, he called him and said bad things to him, he took this matter to my parents and my inlaws everyone got to know abt me talking to someone outside my marriage. During this time I spoke to my parents told them abt my husband behavior and affairs so they supported me.

This was the biggest truth moment for my husband and he changed like dramatically changed, he now care for me, isn't going around with someone, he takes my side when we have some in laws problem, he has changed big time. We planned our family and now I have a son who's gona be 2 years now. My husband is now a good hubby and father.

Though I distanced from the other guy, I still feel like talking to him, the way he understands me no one can. I knw we can not be together as we both hv our families. But once or 15days in a month I go online and talk to him. I miss being with him. I feel the conversation I have with me makes me complete. Big reason can be that my husband can't conversate in English though he understand language but is not good while talking. I miss having good conversation with him like the way I want so I keep going back to other guy when ever I feel low.

I know this might be the stupid reason for someone to say, but that's how I feel. Sometime I try to much and doesn't go online for months but there are always those days when I feel like, I have to have to talk to him, Please suggest what do I do, should i continue this friendly relationship of mine or ....

beingloved · Jan 20, 2016

You want to continue it for the sake of English ??:shock:

I guess you are having mature talks with your husband.. try bringing interesting topics with him, you might enjoy talking with him also in any language..!!

dimhere · Jan 20, 2016

You are playing with fire!

When your DH has given up all temptations and changed so much for the better for YOUR sake, can't you give up this one temptation - English conversation with another man - for him?

I'm assuming it is just innocent online chat about general topics.

NeetaR · Jan 21, 2016

Value the relationship you have....remember your vows and commitment....life will never be perfect.....after your hubby changing so much, its up to you now to help
maintain love and peace in your family and in your life....if not...just think of the
storm that can arise if this comes before your family again...best to discontinue complete contact with that person.

catwalk · Jan 21, 2016

it is good to have a friend. There is nothing wrong in it. But getting emotionally attached and spending long hours for chatting is not a good sign. such relationships are generally explained as ''more than a friend''.

Last time you had atleast an excuse for doing so. The word ''forgive'' has strong impact on any relationship. For whatsover reasons your DH has accepted his mistake, changed his attitude and became a family man. By forgiving him, your commitment to family integrity was also displayed and accepted by all.

Somehow you have developed an inferiority complex about your DH, since he doesn't speak english. You have a prejudice that people who speak English are superior and more civilized. This is a false belief in indian corporate world. In reality, it is not true.
In the global business world, ''Indian english'' has very low profile and reputation. In many countries, if you don't speak their native language, they consider it as very impolite. So everything is relative. Do not spoil your gifted family life with such immature beliefs.

Since your DH objected about your chat with this distant friend, it is better to refrain from building it up again. Family integrity is one of the most important factor behind success. If you want to succeed in personal and professional life, give first priority to family integrity. Your DH has controlled his temptations for the family. Why can't you do that.

You will never know the real character of a person via chat / short meetings. To know
all dimensions of his character, you need to live together with him. So your perceptions about your friend could be a false one too.

All the best. May God bless you.

Ragini25 · Jan 21, 2016

You want us to validate your EMA? Bah.

JanakiPriya · Jan 21, 2016

Please leave him and enjoy your life with your dear husband and your kid.

divshiri87 · Jan 21, 2016

Op,
you said it's love marriage. You know that he doesnot talk in english but you love him and married him. He had done mistakes but he later he realised and changed. Now you are talking with one guy only for the sake of english? If talking in english is so important, then how did you love ur hubby and married him?
Anyways avoid going online. Try to have interesting discussion with your hubby. Try to made yourself busy so that you wont think of going online and chat with him. Cut all contacts with him.

sanjeet · Jan 21, 2016

Hey OP,

I think, its not the English language that is the reason, its the ease of communication with him, that makes you feel complete. He may be a good listener, and may be from similar background as you, and that's why you are drawn to him.
On the other hand, your hubby may not be a good listener, and he doesn't speak English so well, so continue conversing with you.

Try if following helps -
1. First of all, try to converse in a language that your hubby is comfortable in. It will take time, but asking your hubby to start learning English could be a deal-breaker (his male ego, his learning abilities all will come into picture).
2. Don't stop conversing with the 'other' man completely, but make it purely the way friends interact. No personal problem sharing, no romantic, no dreams. Eventually, you will loose interest.

If 1 & 2 gets actioned with full committment, I can see you getting back fully with your hubby, not because of social norms but with your own interest. Good luck lady.

curtainsdown · Jan 21, 2016

I think you know the answer to your dilemma.
Please stop talking to this stranger completely. What you are doing is EMA - it does not matter what exactly you talk - if you feel guilty(which is why you are asking here), it is WRONG. You will be doing yourself and your family a huge favor by doing the right thing. Stay strong lady and make yourself proud.

sanjeet said: ↑

Hey OP,

I think, its not the English language that is the reason, its the ease of communication with him, that makes you feel complete. He may be a good listener, and may be from similar background as you, and that's why you are drawn to him.
On the other hand, your hubby may not be a good listener, and he doesn't speak English so well, so continue conversing with you.

Try if following helps -
1. First of all, try to converse in a language that your hubby is comfortable in. It will take time, but asking your hubby to start learning English could be a deal-breaker (his male ego, his learning abilities all will come into picture).
2. Don't stop conversing with the 'other' man completely, but make it purely the way friends interact. No personal problem sharing, no romantic, no dreams. Eventually, you will loose interest.

If 1 & 2 gets actioned with full committment, I can see you getting back fully with your hubby, not because of social norms but with your own interest. Good luck lady.
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