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Strange Relationship

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jananrems, Jun 15, 2019.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    OP informing such flings to fiance is s big NO. He may be okay now. But in future fights he's gonna bring up the past..
    And regarding the other guy he's clearly taken you for granted for the casual attitude and definitely looking for a "once more" opportunity .
    And for the future marriage - happy married life in advance . :)
     
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  2. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    Is this post real?

    I am total loss of words for the current generation...one night stand while being engaged and being casual about it, no remorse, guilt?

    This shows I am getting older by the minute. Anyways, OP, if you are for real- you should not share this kind of secrets with anyone. And try not to get into this kind of situations. Keep life uncomplicated- from your side, your efforts, because life always has plans for us!
     
  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    when there is something that is unconventional, it might sound unreal or as was pointed earlier "fakish".

    Nothing is the matter with the current gen. Just like the older gen, there are always more adventuresome people in every gen. In the old day there wasn't any social media to divulge the news; and news/rumor took more time to travel via village gossip tracks.
    Anonymous social forums are safer places to toss this kind of thing, because unburdening could help people who feel they couldn't keep a secret. This is much better than telling someone on the grapevine at work; perhaps the besotted boy may have done that already. Perhaps that is the reason the OP had divulged to her fiance the events of the ride home from the party, so that he won't hear it from a 3rd party, or see the tell-all photos on instagram.
     
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  4. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    @Amulet
    "village gossip tracks" seriously?!

    You grew up in a village?

    Like a gaon or more like "West Village" in NYC?
     
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  5. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    No need to come out clean to anyone.

    If you see the guy smiling, he thinks he can have seconds- like everyone saying here.
    Ignore him.

    I still feel, OP should not have shared the secret with anyone. You could have blamed it on "hearsay/ grapevine" problem. Something like "Just because he dropped me to my apt, doesn't mean I slept with him. It is a modern world, guys do drop girls home"

    Honesty is the best policy...not always though.

    Try to stay out of that guys way, at work.


     
  6. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    For the past one week unbelievable stories are posted ..In this post OP says her marriage was fixed and by accident she had a strange relationship with her coworker..one more point she shared this accident with her fiancee whom she thinks as a saint.Even saints doubted their wife and it is hard to believe what is this man going to do.one more question by sharing here do you want to prove you are very transparent in life.Have you shared with your mom?.Don't spoil the grace of IL COMMUNITY.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2019
  7. Lalithambigai

    Lalithambigai IL Hall of Fame

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    Even though this seems unbelievable, giving OP the benefit of doubt and for the benefit of other Users who might end up on this thread when they end up in such a situation for real, sharing my 2 cents. If the story is not real, I end-up losing a few minutes of my time spent on typing out my response but God forbid, what if it is true in this case or a future case. They would have come here helpless, with nowhere to go, seeking hope, guidance and support.

    Assuming everything the OP said is true, it is highly likely the fiancée too had similar experience(s) in the past due to which he could accept it so easily. I would encourage the OP to clear this up with him in a cordial manner, the sooner the better. If he clarifies clean chit, she can bid Goodbye to her co-worker and move ahead with full confidence. If he too confesses similar incident(s), she can take an educated decision to go ahead with him or with co-worker. OP has a one-month window to complete this exercise and put her best foot forward. Wishing her All the Best :thumbsup:
     
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh...dear...oh...dear. When jananrems said that she told her besotted-one-time-only-admirer-and-nice-guy that she had told her future husband all about the event, she put out that white-lie just to discourage the nice-guy-colleague from pursuing her for more. That is all there is to it.
    If jananrems really wanted to discourage the guy, she can use a stronger medicine by telling him that her fiance had rethought the match in view of the new story, and had broken off the engagement, and now she is all eager, and willing to marry the nice-guy right pronto.
    The nice-guy would get scared, quit his job, move out of town, and not leave any forwarding address.
    Easy to interlope, and mess with already-spoken-for boy/girl, but difficult to take ownership, and suffer the maintenance costs forever more.:rolleyes:

    I have but one kwestin to all of us IL-ites:
    Are we not watching enough Television Dramas ?
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2019
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  9. jananrems

    jananrems New IL'ite

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    clearly i dont want to accept this guy i dont like him it was unintentional , i love my future husband and want to build family with him

    Being drunk is a not an excuse i understand but there is a mistake which has happened just wanted to fix it.
    i know this guy for a longtime i think he is clean,about relationship viewed these days it is acceptable to have casual relationships but i accept after i got engaged such things happened it was my mistake.
    If it was intentional its cheating but we both never had such intention it happened spontaneously,its sad that you compare such incidence with crime

    Initially he was angry i told him he has right to stop the marriage as my mistake on my side ,next morning he called me said glad that you told be openly rather then hiding it and further complicating the issue,he forgave me.
     
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  10. jananrems

    jananrems New IL'ite

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    I think its better to inform him and let him decide ,i dont want some 3rd person to tell him about this it will be problem for both of us.thanks for your wishes

    Its about both men and women ,if a women invovles in onenight stand people consider it as sin ,but none blames the guy,may be in your time men were sincere too like women.
    In this generation we cant expect a guy to have emotional and physical relationship after marriage only or with one person only,so they cant expect it from us also.

    First of all thanks for taking your time to post/give advice i know i did a mistake just want to fix it in a way so that none gets hurt.i grew up in a conservative family it will be shock for my mom so i cannot discuss such things with my mom,thats why i took the matter straightly to my future husband to let him decide.

    Thanks for the reply and wishes.
     
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