Strange problem - cannot think of a workaround

Bukbuk,

I seriously feel, so long as they do not involve you, leave them to their own devices and beliefs. If they try to pressurize you into participating in such events which you are not comfortable with, just be upfront and say you are not comfortable with these things. Look at it this way, even though you have not said anything there is still a cold war going on. So being honest and placing your cards on the table (if and when the need arises) is not going to change anything. It will still be unpleasant, but at least you can keep yourself out of these situations.

If leaving this one issue aside, there is nothing else that has changed, just behave normally with your husband as well as with your sil. Act as if this issue did not exist at all - after all it is their belief, they have not insisted so far that you should change yours. There are as many faiths and beliefs as there are people. So that should not change anything about your relationship with them. They were the same people all along but you did not know what they believed. So in spite of different beliefs, you got along with them. Now the only difference is that you know what they believe. The people are still the same.

 

BukBuk...Each one of us finds our way to inner peace or moksha or spirituality in our own way. There are as many ways as there are people. You may not subscribe to ur sils approach ..but that doesn't make her any less or more weird than the rest of us.
As long as ur inlaws dont force her opinions on you ...I suggest u respect her right to choose her path and try not to bring this up as an issue .
Ofcourse u are not obligated to maintain a pally pally relationship with her either.Thats ur choice too and u are entitled to it.:my2cents

 

Bukbuk,

In my opinion, you did not come to this forum to seek any solutions. You don't want to answers; you came here just to tell your story.

 

Satchi , For once I have to disagree with you .Because I have my SIL and her daughters the same way mentioned like OP.The only difference is I ignore them and they do not dare to trouble me.And my hubby also supports me.I am not sure whether you have been in this situation.It is totally different , Satchi!I have this SIL who behaves like she is possessed by Kali and sometimes Katteri.Then a bunch of Manthravaathis come home and do this "pei ottal".It is quiet a scary thing to see and Kids do get scared by seeing all this drama.And my SILs daughters too have inherited this from their mother.There are days when I was scared that the kids in the family might inherit this quality.I do not even want to mention.

Sorry to say this , but I feel this is a disorder that has to be treated which the family chooses to ignore.This SIL of mine will be normal but the moment when someone backanswers her , Kali will be on her.And if she comes to know that a lady in the/that house has periods , Kaali will come on her.If she does not know about it , there is no probs.Her daughter fell into a well saying that someone is calling her to purify them.I did not not want to mention but there are more things.Just to let you know the intensity of the problem.There are days when I used to wonder where I am.People do not even realize that they have to be treated.

OP, I would say try to help her out instead of being resentful towards her.Actually the family is not helping her.They are aggravating her behavior.

 

Bukbuk,

I can imagine what you are going through right now - looking at otherwise rational educated people performing such a thing in the name of spirituality is simply mindboggling, esp when they are related to us. It will definitly effect anyone who looks at what you saw, even if unrelated.

Your best bet would be to talk to your hubby. You know he knows - and probably understands what you might be thinking, so why not talk to him?? So what if you were not aware of this aspect of your SIL, he cannot control how others behave - and he probably did what he thought was the best in that situation. Imagine, if he would have reacted during that incident, your SIL might have said or done something even more unpleasant.

I would suggest you discuss how you feel about this whole incident with him. Let him know that you are uncomfortable about it, and wouldnt want to be involved in such incidents in future. I guess once you are back to being comfy with your hubby, you will definitly find a way to handle your future interactions with SIL and MIL.

 

Actually I could not change my SIL much.But they agreed to give treatment to one of the daughters(She is extreme in this).This could be achieved only with the help of other SIL .The girl was taken to a psychiatrist/pshycologist(not sure) and the doctor gave her medicine for depression.But the sad thing is she has to be on this forever and I feel pity for her.The doctor said she had depression due to multiple failures in her life it seems.