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Silent Treatment

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by newwife, Apr 28, 2019.

  1. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    I agree to this. My h has been doing this for past 5 years, and more so since 3 years. Partly because my in laws makes hom feel guilty and also that his sisters H only listens to his mom, hits his soster, ill treats her etc. his mom has PhD degree in politics .
    since my daughter is born 2&1/2 years back he does not sleep with us, does no talk, no resp, doesnt know which day care my child goes to, if we are sick he doesnt care, he started his executive mba wo consulting at home, expects me to take his parents around when they visit etc. i stopped cooking for him 1&1/2 years back or caring for him. I started going out with my daughter alone wo informing him.
    NOTHING CHANGED HIM. ..
    Yeh i am emotionally connected to him still ( indian fool woman) so its depressing could not leave...
    dont know what to do in this situation.
    But just want to guide that i have taken further steps of not cooking, caring be myself but that doesnt change H.
     
  2. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    Isnt His brother going through divorce is in your favor? Can you go to your parents home for 2 months & do wfh and evaluate.
    Or take job little far.

    Not sure how does it work if you decide to move out & not file for divorce.
     
  3. Laks0404

    Laks0404 New IL'ite

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    Hi
    I am.going through this silent treatment for the past 3 weeks.really so many people are suffering because of this.my husband responds in one word for anything asked.
    Only basic things required i just tell.or whatsapp.him
    I have to ask him to serve tea dinner etc.
    If i dont he will show more tantrums.last weekend i made tiffin and when went to serve him he said that he has eaten breakfast outside (he went to drop my child.i said u could have told me so that i wouldnt have prepared tiffin .he doent have the basic courtesy to ask whether i should bring u also tiffin from outside when he is eating.
    When i asked u could have told me so that even i would have get somethimg.feom.outside instead of preparing he says u should have asked.me
    How will. one really knows whether he will.eat outside.fed up.of this really
    Wonder how such type of people exist.
    My parents sibblings love me so much
    That i.never experienced this type of
    Treatment at my house so.its new to me and suffering
    This type of treatment runs in their family.
    His sibblings some of them.do.
    I askes my child not to bring any messages
    From.him.
    I am.trying to be calm.and going away from.him.moving to another room. Anyway he doesmt talk to.me
    Earlier i used to beg him to.make peace and this time i thought let it go if people come to know that we r not talking.why should i be the only one to concern because he acts the same infront of others also.every body can notice that we had a tuff.
    I am trying to.be calm not beg and stay happy but not able do.so.
     
    hermitcrab and dhivyacc like this.
  4. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    Reading so many stories where women are subjected to silent treatment is heart wrenching.
    Do men also have these stories ? Do the husbands who give silent treatment enjoy this or they are also suffering. Or are they wired in such a way they feel silent treatment is normal.

    Only when men understand that the women can walk away for this emotional abuse they will stop this crap
     
    sbonigala, hermitcrab and Laks0404 like this.
  5. Laks0404

    Laks0404 New IL'ite

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  6. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    Does walking away helps - make them realize or it breaks the relationship?
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  7. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    I think men cannot take women shouting or sobbing. They feel it's emotional drama. Women should learn to express and negotiate in calm manner. Men don't understand women are victims of Harmons. I think writing might help.
    Sometimes silent treatments are necessary to calm down anger. Then both should try to negotiate and find common ground, some solution agreed to both. If silent treatments are too frequent and too long wife should give warning that she is feeling depressed and planning for divorce. It's better than going insane with depression or doing suicide
     
    lavani likes this.
  8. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    its true that the justification men give for silent treatment is "She is yelling and screaming and crying, so I will stop talking.I dont like the drama she is doing"
    Calmly talking and negotiating should work if both want to resolve. But some men know the fair deal would be backing up wife in inlaws drama so being silent is better than backing up wife so they choose that. When men know they are wrong, they do this as they dont have to apologize or go against their family or do anything they dont want to.

    So end result, so many young couple who should be having a lot of love and romance and are spending each day being lonely and depressed.
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  9. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    Wow!
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  10. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    I don't think all women start with shouting and screaming at their husbands to stop silent treatment or even to discuss anything as trivial lunch box menu or IL problem.

    I have been in silent treatment marriage for 10+ years. I have started to think of a kind of marriage.

    I didn't shout/ scream/ cry etc, I always talked as calmly as possible, very early on and then eventually.
    Because I am so aware of things and very spiritually inclined, I was able to survive and takecare of myself.

    To me the control strategy was aimed at chipping away at my confidence and strength.

    MY co- sis told me that they are doing the same to her.

    My husband told me in beginning year, "tum mar jaogi but tutogi nahi"
    meaning " you will die but you won't break"
    It is common thing to try to "break a prisoner" in jails.

    I am writing a lot of "I" statement because it is my personal opinion and may not be same as others. But I want anyone reading the post and thread to become aware of this thing.

    Leaving a marriage won't change anything. They will find another one. May be they will be nice to second wife or repeat the same thing.
     
    Amulet, dhivyacc and SinghManisha like this.

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