SIL problem again

Sapna56 · Mar 8, 2016

Guys need ur help often now a days. I have to vent out coz my pil n sil all three are staying wid us for 3 months. I have nine month baby. I give my baby first priority. And I also try to do kitchen work along with it. My sil continuously brainwashes my mil. And mil n sil both keeps on gossiping about me all the time. My pil come from small village and they expect their dil to be in kitchen all the time like some bawarchi (chef) serving them. Its difficult for me to do that bawarchi role along with my baby. I always try to put some contribution of mine in the kitchen.
All the three think that I should make tea for them, breakfast n meals n everything.
Also my DH has a habit of not having anything before going to office. He doesn't eat even if I force him. And the three of them comment that I don't make anything for my DH which isn't true.
My sil keeps on saying mil don't do anything, just go and rest. Sil then tries to do evrything in kitchen with frustration n anger.
I don't feel like talking and being with them when sil is around. I try to be in my room to avoid any conflicts.
But the more I do that the more they think I am not doing anything and more they gossip.
FYI my sil is on student visa and all the expenses my DH is bearing. She's most of the time home and don't have much to study too.
My sil thinks my DH should be there finance provider and I should be their housemaid.

How to handle the situation. Please help.

I am having headaches coz of all this. And I am taking stress on these small things.

Jas8085 · Mar 9, 2016

1. Do as much as you can and then sit in your room
2. Why do u care if SIL is doing things angrily or happily?
3. Be happy, be cheerful. Always be happy around ur husband. This bothers them more than anything.
4. After they leave, your house/life is all yours again

SGBV · Mar 9, 2016

They are the guests, staying at your house for a reason.
As far as I understand from the earlier posts (sorry if I am wrong), your PILs are here to help with the kid. Your SIL is here for the studies.

You are probably fully recovered from your delivery, as it's been already 9 months.

Generally the host should lead the kitchen, and the guests should help them. It can go otherwise under a special circumstance such as baby's sickness, your sickness, unavailability at home etc..

But it would seem odd, very odd when the host stay inside the room with the baby, while the guest do the kitchen work.

Your SIL is right. The old MIL shouldn't take the lead in the kitchen. She deserves some rest. I think she wouldn't mind taking care of your 9 months old kid.
Let them use this vacation time to bond with their grand kid. Also utilize them as much as you can.

Go to the kitchen. Make whatever is possible for you. Don't overdo anything.
Get help from SIL when you are expected to do more. Even you can invite MIL for certain helps like cutting veggies.
But be the main chef. It is your house. You decide the menu, and quantity. Don't run away from this.
If SIL or MIL comments on the taste of the food, silently give them back. Tell them, this is how you cook, and this is how you like.
Encourage your H to eat at home. Even if he doesn't eat, you do the cooking as you will be cooking for others anyways.
See whether he changes his attitude if there is a meal ready on the table before he leaves.

aishu0001 · Mar 9, 2016

You should be in control of your house. Letting your PIL's and SIL (who is just a student) control your house is not a good idea. This will lead your MIL controlling your DH in the future.

AS SGBV mentioned, take control at once; even if you are working. Insist that your DH and SIL help you in the kitchen after all it is their responsibility too.

You need your self respect back from your SIL. Why do you let her talk things about you? Just tell her she needs to respect you in front of your PIL's and DH. That will put her in place.

maya9876 · Mar 10, 2016

Op,

From all your previous posts, I get the impression that you are totally dissatisfied with your inlaws. Anything they do or say seems to be getting to you. It seems like you were expecting them to take care of you and your baby while you rest and recover. But these expectations are unrealistic as they are not your maternal family.
Its your house, they are your guests. You cant expect them to do all the work while you stay in your room. U helping them every now and then is ok if you are staying at their house. But this is your house and you should be in charge.
Leave your baby with them, let them take care of the baby as they will enjoy the time with their grandchild and you take charge of the kitchen. You dont have to cook up a storm everyday but do the basic necessities. Breakfast, tea, lunch, dinner are normal and as a host you will be expected to make it for your guests be it your inlaws or other guests especially if you are home all day. If you are really struggling then hire help or get food from outside. Dont pay heed to their comments about hubby's breakfast situation, if you want to, you can make one day in front of them and make hubby eat when hubby doesnt they will be a witness to it that its your hubby who doesnt want breakfast.
Sometimes we all get lazy with domestic chores and wish someone would just take care of it for us but it doesnt always work like that especially when inlaws are around. Take charge of the house that's the only way to stop your Sil and Mil from bickering. Keep your laziness aside for a few months. Once they leave and its just you and hubby you can sit back and take it easy for a while.
Good Luck and sorry if I offended you in anyway.., just being honest

milaani · Mar 15, 2016

op, its your house ....they are your guest...so u need to do more work instead of expecting them to work for u.Being a host you should be in charge of the kitchen...take help if it is necessary.