SIL and clothes :-) !

Hello ladies,

I bumped into this thread.. and read a few posts..

I experienced something similar..
I am not yet married.. but experienced this with my SIL (borther's wife)..
for many of you sharing clothes must be a complete no-no...
But for me, I have a sis, and we have always shared our clothes.. no compulsion, just both of us like to, of course.. coz I know I can get them back when I want to, she would care for them more than I would, and she loves to share too...I'd love to share with my SIL too, i.e. if she wanted to, but her and my body sizes are completely different which make sit difficult to share. so thats out of question...

Now coming to jewellery, Im a huge fan of earrings.. (dont like gold, so most of them are either silver, antique or artificial).. If you think of their monetary value its not much.. BUT has a lot of sentimental value.. I'd collected them over the past ten years.. and I had a envious collection..

After my SIL came home, and few months later I left the country...I went back after a year to find none of my earrings there.. I mean none.. I asked her and she said it was all there itself.. may have been awkward for her, but I just asked saying I wanted to wear them as mom dint want me with bare ears.. and had she kept it somewhere to keep it safe..however in the end I couldnt find them...

I dont blame her for wearing it, coz I told her to use it if she wants.. but I expected it to be taken care of..

I must admit, I did feel irritated, and angry and frustrated.. But later I thought, okay.. let me not attach so much importance to these material things.. am I going to take these things to grave? no right? so probably this was a lesson for me to be detached.. THis made me feel better, now I dont find any sad feelings.. I feel, I had the nice moments, nice memories.. do I need the symbolic earring to cherish that memory.. No.. just the thought of that memory makes me feel nice... somehow I have completely got over it..

At the end, noticing that I dint have many earrings, my sister packed some off for me (she lives in a diff house).. birnging a smile on my face...

All I'd like to say is, yes we do get attached to our things.. but when we look at the bigger picture of life, these things feel too tiny.. dont you think so?

 

Hi EverHappy,
I agree with you that these are just materials and in bigger picture of life, these are nothing, compared to those other big things we lose in our life like freedom to speak, think or act after marriage just kidding.
We will not feel a big deal about it, If we give those things willingly. When we know that they are cheating you and yet if you can't do anything about it, the feeling is very awful. Also after marriage, believe me we become senti about the things which our parents give to us. you know how hard they worked to earn the money and hence you would want to cherish those things as long as you can. When they are mishandled you feel very hurt. Though your mind says it's just material, heart feels hurt

 

Hi Kadalpura,

May be what you say is also right.. I could give up coz I know it was not intentional or being mean..
each person is different and each situation is different.. Its tough but not impossible...
Each one will get results of their actions, so if they are cheating, they will get it back in some form or the other in the long run..

I believe its the heart that says its just mateiral let it go, but the mind that says no it matters..
anyway thats a different topic altogether..

I've personally experienced this, even if someone is scheming, if you give them love abundantly, they will change.. I know its tough. I know I might sound like im preaching, but no Im not.. I've seen it work...

 

EverHappy,

That was a lovely post. I do understand it and I have let of a lot too. Its not possible to hang on to every bit of what you have and expect no one to come near them. That would just be too petty.

I too had earrings collected over almost 15 years with my sister and when I got married, I willingly gave them away to younger cousins, nieces and even my SIL. Some was taken away though I'd put them away for myself. From my part, like you mentioned from the post, it is possible to learn to be detached from material and accept it when its taken away and leave it at that.

But life is always a 2 way street. The others should also learn to respect my possessions and my feelings. When it is not yours, don't treat it like yours. It is true that love can change a person. But when the older ladies in the house still have their wedding gifts from their parents intact and boast about it, curse their in-laws for all the pestering they faced, they should only know better to RESPECT my sentiments too. Its not much I am asking or anyone here in the thread is asking. I tried explaining it very lovingly. But money was all that gets thrown around to shut me up. What use is that to me?? In fact would not want to replace it at all. Cos I am not for the material.

Love does change people. I agree totally.
When it does not, there's nothing wrong in letting them know straight.

 

"Love does change people. I agree totally.
When it does not, there's nothing wrong in letting them know straight."

Well said tanoshii,

On my side, i am letting them do whatever they want to... I dont know if my SIL and MIL's SIL do it right now or not but let me see HOW LONG THEY DOES SUCH THINGS.....I once conveyed them what i mean. now if they want to change they will, otherwise no matter.....Sometimes i willingly give them what i have, still if they remain same its their problem.

 

Very true Anila. Its like you can try your best to convey the message, if they don't understand that there is sense in it, its their problem. Not communicating and ending up suffering too is not worth it at all.

 

Reflection, I think she likes your selection/collection of dresses. So better tell her that you'll accompany her while shopping for clothes...I think she'll be happy to shop with you to get nice dresses...All your dresses/money saved....
My friends/family call me for saree/chudi purchases even for marriage since they feel i'm good in selecting good/fashionable clothes..not bragging..jmo...

Happy shopping !!!!

 

Have not read other posts so just to OP:

The fact that your SIL is asking for your apparels is a compliment for your dressing sense! Enjoy the attention and try to live upto it. Not being philosophical but don't hang on to material things like clothes and be possessive about them. Strive for a greater joy by sharing things with your SIL (whose nothing but your family? ). All this as long as she doesn't want to try out your lingerie. (sorry but couldn't put it any other way)

 

i think u should go and shop with her...........