Should You Or Should You Not Complain About Mil To Dh?

These are not very big things to complain.about . It will spoil your husband's mood and your relationship too .

If she is complaining to FIL it's ok it doesn't affect you . But if she complains to your DH then you should tell him the true side of the story .

Feel happy that MIL tales care of household and you can concentrate on job. MILs have habit to complain about DIL to relatives ... But her complaints about saree and cooking are harmless . So you can ignore for a peaceful married life .

And you always have option to boast before FIL and relatives how hectic your schedule is and you can't give time to cooking ..that way you can also show them your side of story without causing arguments at home.

Admire your patience and nice nature to adjust in joint family and did.not complain to DH till now . Keep up the good attitude

 

For small issues its not worth bothering DH...but if it's a really big issue that spoils my peace of mind, I would speak up and share it with DH..he may not sympathise or support me, but keeping quiet would increase my resentment.

 

Though these issues are small, if it really bothers you, tell your husband. It's not healthy to let it keep building in your head. But do it the right / subtle / calm way.

Start with your own sentence
"I don't feel like burdening you with all this drama. But at the same time, i feel if i don't tell you - who else will i share all this with? Hearing only MIL's version will leave you with a one sided view on things, and obviously 'anyone' may only share their side, not mine."
"So I just want to share my side. Understand that I don't expect you to do anything about this but I just want to share with my partner n get it over with. Its just for you to know n understand the situation better."

Then point to the things without sounding accusatory, maybe show some sadness. Be clear, don't use extra words or point fingers. To avoid arguments. So convey your points like office pointers n get over it. Add on some good things about her that you are truly grateful or thankful for or feel right about. So it doesn't sound like a full on complaining session but will be balanced .

 

Look up YouTube tutorials , wear a saree and visit the relative that MIL complains to . Also sashay down the living room before you step out ( with enough Kamar shakes ) so husband notices .
So next time MIL says poi doesn’t wear a saree husband thinks : Amma , what the fake rahi hain ! . You Smile .

Wear those gold bangles on and off and sing mere haaton main nau nau chudiya hain to husband.

Husband ka Score : Poi98 = 2, Amma =0

But if MIL says the baap of all lies that is not restricted to small things : tuck your saree pallo into kamar, push those bangles aside and have a chat with the husband. Most likely he will remember that Poi never complains so she must be telling the truth. Plus he remembers What the Fake rahi thi Amma.

Remember Indian marriages are all about loving husband ki Amma. so reserve your energy for big issues.

 

You need not report every event. But you may definitely express the cause of your irritation to your husband so that he remains aware. You may then implement the tactics suggested by @Sandycandy.

 

Complaining will not help . Nor should you keep building up resentment within yourself . It is always difficult to adjust with a mother in law for every woman.
So Some tact is needed. Try to offer to do the small work and errands when husband is around or within hearing distance . He can get first hand info about his mother’s behaviour with you. Be as nice as you can to her so that he notices . Unless he feels you are doing your best to please his mother , he will not believe anything you complain .

Also, there is no harm in doing a few things like wearing bangles sindhoor etc to please the older woman. Only if you rebel , she will insist more . If you obey initially , she will lose interest in telling you and may even support you wearing jeans ! Its just a matter of ego for both concerned parties.
Dont lose heart . This problem is as old as mankind and spread worldwide !
Be positive , in time, everything will work out fine .
Bestwishes.

 

Hi

Complaining will never work out......if ur mil have any issues......discuss the issues before everyone including ur husband. ...for example, if she complaints about wearing bangles, just say very casually as " see i could not wear bangles because of blah blah blah blah issues".. ...before everyone. ......so that everyone will know ur true reason and even if she complaints no one will take it seriously. ......if you came to know thats she is complaining about you, very casually discuss with everyone the next day or week. .......just nullify her complaints. ....

No use in telling to your husband. ....she will be seen as hero......instead turn her into a comedian. ....

 

@poi098

I think most of the dils in India face this issue. And such situations tend to be highly stressful for a dil.
'Discussing' or 'complaining' to husband might sound good. Can infact cry on his shoulders. Can make him feel bad for you as well. Keeping a sad face or becoming a cry baby, everything seems to sound good and assures relief.

But.....

Husband might feel bad for you and lets say he understands your pain. But most of the times MILs doesn't stop with this one issue. This will keep happening forever. There might be thousands of such things in your lifetime. So if you keep 'complaining' or 'discussing' about this every time, eventually you will end up like a "Villain" as you have mentioned. So consider SandyCandy's tips and think about it.

When you are working, you can use all the opportunity to turn things to your side. Wear saree for occasions, groom well and click pictures. Put it as your whatsap status and all your relatives will see that! They cant say you dont know to wear saree anymore! And once in a while cook a nice dish or snack. click and post! They cant say you never enter kitchen.... And yeah once in a while wear bangles and stuff. yes! again click and post! Thats it.

And one more tip to consider! When you are having a good, friendly conversation with your husband, tell him indirectly that you are having too much work and couldn't do much of the household works. Also tell him indirectly that your colleagues or relative or some X person were ranting saying her mil doesn't help at household works. She got stressed and ended up visiting a doctor. Again tell indirectly that you are happy that your mil does the household work so that you are stress free and happy. If possible explain in detail how your friend struggles every day and how blessed you are. Remember the word "Indirectly".

And yeah! Try to show that you are doing some household work in front of your husband. Take a deep breath out of tiredness, or say something in a loud voice from kitchen to show that you are working....Everything has to be registered in his mind subconsciously. Such things has to be done to survive in India. Even if you dont like/ or you hate wearing saree and bangles, few things has to be done to maintain our inner peace and harmony. so once in a while you got to do! Remember your inner peace? yes! Just for your inner peace.

Keep doing all these and have a really good relationship with your husband. We have to modify our mindset and work on it. Just to save our inner peace. No use in becoming upset or getting stressed. We become the victims. So just ignore your two faced mil and keep going. Insulate your mind from these dramas and have life. Keep doing meditation to get rid of such stress. Trust me it works! And above all never talk about your mil's drama to your friends and relatives. The more you talk, the more it becomes bigger. If you tell your friends or relatives, they will start about their mil. You will get reminded of all the things that your mil said. Your subconscious mind will pull all the related dramas and again your stress level will get higher. Just ignore and focus on your life. Rather than focusing on such useless dramas.

But When will MILs understand that when they do such things no DIL can respect them truly?

And why do they do these two faced drama always - The same age old question with no answers till now.

So come out of all these dramas and enjoy life



P.S: But when something big happens, do talk to your husband rather than keeping it yourself!

 

His responsibility to make you comfortable if you have issues with right reasons. If he conaiders as complaint, then his mother too does same about you.