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Should I tell

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by disillusion, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    I have not told anyone in our social circle about how my husband is abusing me. I have been keeping it to myself. I feel very depressed. Also feel like no one cares about me. But who will believe if I tell?
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi D,

    You certainly need to share this with someone close to you. But you have to be very selective on whom you share with. You don't want to be telling this to gossip mongers for whom this is nothing more than fodder for their gossip mills. Tell someone who is particularly close to you whom you can trust and who will be a moral support to you and can give you some very sensible advice whenever you need it.
     
  3. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    Usually a woman could share with sister , mother & cousin sisters.
    Hope you have sister or cousin , if you do not want your mother know .

    If you are really depressed , this is something serious , I believe you should let your mother know.
    When it comes to married life problems , a girl should, first seek her parents help.
     
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  4. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    You should share with siblings or parents at the minimum. If it's physical abuse, it helps to keep traces of evidence (like pictures or bruises with dates etc.). On some pretext actually telling your spouse that you have to go see a doc (whether you really need to or not) is actually useful. That may act as a deterrent and he will check his temper because he could get in serious trouble in the USA for this.

    Be smart and take care of yourself.
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    It is not clear from your post what caused it and what is the period of abuse. The longer you wait, it would be a major problem to resolve. Immediately, you consult a doctor for you to get out of depression. The psychiatrists are pretty good in keeping the confidentiality of your personal life. Be honest about what happened and ask him how to handle it. I would not encourage you to tell your social circle as it could cause more problems. Since you had not yet shared it with your parents or siblings, I presume that you do not want them to know.
     
  6. anushri

    anushri IL Hall of Fame

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    You should tell someone,who will not look down at your situation. If you have a brother, tell him. Otherwise some good friend who will not gossip about this. If possible try to record once when he actually hits you. Its better to have an evidence.

    Why don't you take some measures to stop it? Did you try telling his parents? Now law favours ladies a lot, so you can keep a fullstop to all these non-sense permanently. Stopping the abuse is the best solution here. Next comes, recording it or confiding it. Be brave and stand-up for yourself.
     
  7. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for all the replies. I wish the people in real life were like you all. To answer your questions, yes I have told my parents. They were the first people I told. It was 9 yrs ago that I told them. My husband was about to tell them that he wanted a divorce. I have also told cousin, brother and couple of aunts, one uncle. My cousin has been very helpful. Others dont know how to support. No one is in this place. I once left to go to a shelter but I came back. This abuse has been going on for ten years and I have been trying to get out always failing. I will post later. H in the house.
     
  8. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Only you can help yourself, no one will personally intevene. Give him a warning or call police without warning, move out, call domestic abuse hotline, seek counseling ( either both together or go alone).
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    That doesn't make sense. If husband wanted divorce 9 yrs ago and you also told your parents about his abuse then itself then y you didnt get the divorce then itself and separate? Are you still in the marriage due to your parents pressure? Pls tell clearly what is the issue? otherwise we will not be able to help you in a meaningful way.
     
  10. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sandhya, at that time that was his tactic. He wanted to torment me by threatening to tell my parents. He wanted to give them a shock. We were in India at that time. I did not know what to do so decided to wait till I came back to US. I am still in the marriage because of no job and no money. My parents are supporting me in the divorce, but it's his family that don't want it. After so many years now, I am the one who is asking, well he doesn't like that. My requests have been met with increased control and mental torture. I had a part time retail job which he made me quit.
     

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