should i go for divorce?

I guess your wife finds an emotional connect with that guy rather than you.That is the reason why she hangs out with him 24x7.

You need to handle this in a diplomatic way otherwise she will develop hatred towards you

1.ask her if she is interested in living with you.if not ask her to talk to your parents and her parents and convince them about divorce.
2.ask her to initiate the divorce proceedings
3.if she doesn't agree for all these things ask her to come for counselling
4.the more choices you give the more she will fool you.

 

I really donno why are you keep on insisting him to have a maid or ask him to cook..Comeon he is also working and he can only share the household activities..being rich or poor doesnt matter here,then what is the point of guy to get married.

She is really atrocious,stop cooking for here just ignore ignore ignore her,dont give any importance when she talk to her so called friend on phone,this is not friendship at all no friend will take advantage like this on a married girl..I donno why are you so passive or that may be your nature but this is the high time for you to take a call,forget abt this society,just think abt you and your future.

She is not at all fit for marriage life,may be she fit for so called friend..

she don't want to cook, don't want to spend time with the husband , don't want to have intimacy,but would like to talk with him and follow his advice,tht X is having full control on her..taking her to party or honeymoon or spending lavishly for her will not workout,she is not a baby to mesmerize with chocolates.

Marriage is such a divine relationship blended with understanding,thrust,faith,love,intimacy,caring etc..I don't find anything in urs.

So think twice before u act

 

Praneeth
The writing is on the wall ! Your wife is not interested in this marriage. I dont see how maids/honeymoon will help if ur wife is spending all her free time with another guy. Talk to a lawyer and move on with life!

 

Hi,

I think the bonding between u and her is not so strong and the love and affection has not developed so much so that each one of you got some time out .atleast change a little something in yourself to adjust with the other person .
Have u gone to honeymoon etc ? Outside for a trip ? If not then make a plan for new year and move out.
Divorce is not the solution to the problem .Ofcourse she must be too tired after office to cook anything for you .Y dont u start giving her responsibilties as in say since u are the person who is the head of the house , get all stuff for house manage budget and discuss by month end what needs to be spend etc . This little things might give clear thoughts to both of you and bring u both together as a couple and it would also clear about your finances etc .Pamper her sometimes by giving small gifts or getting something from outside to eat.
With regards to that guy express her u dont want her to move out like that and arrange a vehicle like u can even have deal with some autocab driver who is local etc to drop her regularly
Sometimes in marriage the responsibilties are not clear and one must speak out loud to make it clear .
cheers !! and best of luck !!

 

Dear friend contemplating divorce, you have hardly begun your marriage. It takes usually a few years for a couple to get used to each other's personalities. And lifestyle issues are to be expected whoever you marry.

People on this forum have already given you appropriate advice about how to manage logistics of cleaning, driving chores etc. So I wont add to it. I dont even see those as issues at all. You are too young in your marriage to be talking about divorce. Your wife obviously is immature and her spending time with her colleague should not pose any danger to your marriage. Work on it, give her time, be patient and most importantly be fair.
It takes tie for two people in a marriage to consolidate their relationship. Once you have kids, she will automatically start focusing her economic and physical resources towards raising her children. Meanwhile try to protect yourself financially and try not to take up unnecessary financial obligations.

I am personally going through a harowing experience married to a man who lied to me about his age etc . What was supposed to be a 10 yr gap turned out to be a 19 yrs gap between us. (I am 35, he 54) Needles mention, my sex life has been in the doldrums since the day we got married 3 yrs ago due to his physical inability to perform. I have trust issues because of how he misled me about his age. Here I am stuck with an elderly husband with no steady income. But 3 yrs into my marriage he is making a phenomenal effort to settle down. He loves me unconditionally and I can safely say will be a faithful husband not because I created magic, simply because my patientce earned me some respect and regard. I am holding on to whatever is left of my marriage. Sometimes I consider walking away from him, but it is not as though the next man is going to be surely better. I dont know if I will still be with him next year, but what I have described here are but a miniscule part of my marital woes. The problems you are facing are normal and should not be a cause for divorce.
If your wife has commitment issues , if there is violence or abuse involved then you should consider divorce as a way out of such a bad marriage. Divorce should not be considered flippantly, it causes devastating impact one each other's lives. Please reconsider.

 

Keep yourself smartly well groomed all the time. Dont appear needy , have your own activities to do while she is out with her friend. Make yourself so busy that she must yearn to speak to you. My psychiatrist BIL taught me this trick when my husband used to ignore me in the early days of our marriage. I got myself a job, started working out and dressed well. He has started treating me with more respect these days and we've managed to have intimate moments. Its awful living with a man who is my mother's age but I am slowly making my peace with marriage. So will you. Be confident and chin up!

 

Patience can be the key since OP loves his wife.
Many hubbies have returned to their families after EMAs , why cant a hubby wait it out like a good husband? Why behave like a suspicious nagging wife?
So many wives with similar complaints have welcomed their spouses , we should not have double standards .
These two have no intentions of marrying each other or they would have done it long ago, maybe they are just "GOOD FRIENDS".
The moment Mr X marries the OPs wife will return to her hubby. Its only a matter of time.True love wins in the end.

Going for honeymoon without phone can work magic. Must meet the guy and see the reaction.

 

Praneeth,
Is there any possibility to cut out their friendship,like getting a transfer to different place or getting a worek abroad for short stint.Unless & until you make her cut off from the guy , you might not know whether she is interested in this marriage or not.
If you can involve her parents why not invite them to your house when you return from the office & show how things are there. Maybe they will be able to bring some sense to her.

 

Praneeth,

Your wife is following Gandhiji's "non-co-operative movement" and willingly and knowingly devaluing your marriage !!!

She is showing you that you and your marriage are not important - by not cooking, not cutting off with colleague, not contributing to family finances

Please analyse the reasons again, speak clearly without confrontations, discuss and decide on your marriage - you can/must/should try your best to save your marriage, but obviously, you need her willingness too !!!

All the best
Harini

 

Your expecations fall well with in the thought of a married male from a respectful family.

I can understand your agony in spite of your love, she is not understanding you..

I never advised couple to get away in divorce, but in your case, if your statements are true and if she still ignores you and chatting with some other guy, get away from her early, because if you happen to have a kid the issue will become more complicated.

Before that tell her, your parents and her parents firmly that you are goint to be stern in your decision in going apart if no change in her attitude is seen.

Take decision early, your are too young, do not spoil your future with such an adament girl (if your statement is 100% true), because your life will be miserable on a later date and you cannot return back.

Best wishes,