should i go for divorce?

there seems to be too much water under the bridge. Ur spouse has absolute disrespect for you and you seem to have lost your self respect too.either u suck it up and stay or....

 

Praneeth, it is a sad and shocking situation. I found it hard to believe it at first.

If you have other financial back up, you could certainly get a cook to help out with the cooking.

As for the other issue about this colleague of hers, from what you say, it seems absolutely clear that you have tried everything you could do to save the situation. You cannot talk to a person who does not want to talk.

Now you need to give her a clear ultimatum and ask her if she is interested in carrying on with this marriage or not. If she is, she has to come with you for marriage counselling. If she refuses, you will be fully within your rights to part ways.

 

Dude, I think your wife's inability to cook should be the least of your worries! I am seeing red flags popping all over your post with regards to her "friendship" with this guy from work. Please don't be so naive as to think what your wife is doing falls under a normal male-female work relationship. She is definitely crossing the line and I think you need to work on this issue first and foremost.

Try to find a quiet time to sit and talk to her. Did she consent to this marriage of her own will? Could it be that she was forced? Whatever it is, now that you guys are married, you owe it to each other to work on your marriage and be loyal to one another. Without a basic foundation of love, trust, and commitment, I don't see a very bright future for your relationship. You don't have to go too far to think of divorce yet...ask her if she is willing to go for marriage counseling. Try your best to deal with this in a mature manner...but if push comes to shove, I am afraid you may be placed in a situation where you have to involve her parents or yours. I hope it doesn't reach that level and that you are able to resolve this amicably.

P.S: My gut feeling is that your wife doesn't "want" to participate in your everyday living activities as opposed to not knowing how to...it could be that she is primarily unhappy with the marriage and is therefore not interested in doing anything with you or for you.

 

Dear Praneeth Can't believe there are guys like you in India. Your wife is really lucky to have you. Please take her to marriage counseller as last resort. If she doesn't get any sense she doesn't deserve such a good husband. Then send her to her parents house and take break. You won't have to loose anything. She is definately very immature and that guy chatting day & night with newly married women is really stupid!! May be

If you really love your wife and have hope to reconscile you should talk to him also privately before taking big action.

From my own experience in young age many men & women just want good friends to talk, share feelings, have laugh togather. Its mental need which should be satisfied by spouse. If not taken care of at right time people get carried away and can't see difference between moral/immoral.......

 

before you take the final step of divorce...agreed you are hurt and her behaviour is irrational....but just try the suggestions our Ilite friends gave here.....before you finally call it off.

I would suggest marital counselling/therapy also....you both are young and need to give time for a relationship to be success. ask her to come for marriage counselling so that you both can share your issues infront of a 3rd party and get insight into solutions. try your best before you say am done!!! good luck and hope it works out.

 

Praneeth,

i would say, take a proper check on the red flags that are visible to us from your post.

I know two situations where the ladies walked out of the marriage in similar conditions.

I assume there is more to the picture than you want to understand or not willing to understand..I would say, forget what the society and the neighbours will say, concentrate on working on a better way to communicate.

Is the other guy married?? the more you write, it makes us believe, that she had married you under pressure and is making life miserable for you to say let us take a divorce, this way she will not be blamed if she had succumbed to parental pressure.

if it is not, then it is better you sit and talk it out in the open rather than contemplating, getting confused. your expectations are reasonable.you can ask about hers and find a better way to reach a understanding.

At any point do not lose your self respect, the so called friends who are making fun are not your true friends..so it is a waste of time to give too much importance to those words.

you can talk to her..if she still does not open her mouth, i feel you could take the help of your in-laws to find out what is the actual issue.

The last choice is counselling and if she is not willing maybe you have the answer to your question..

 

praneeth.. this is my second post in this thread... pls take a counselling and even after ignoring her etc... if she is still the same... pls divorce her...

u said ur friends at one point laughed at u... n u felt bad.... so do something before its too late....

As the saying goes, u can only take d horse to the pond but nt make it drink water... think she is d horse here... beware friend.. act wise...

 

Driving on the ECR is unsafe at night?! Adhu yennae mudumalai forest road-a?? My DH and I used to take long bike rides on this stretch at night This is totally bonkers...you know what I would've done if I were you? Grabbed the phone and told him off in choice colorful tamil phrases! I think you need to man-up a bit and tell your wife that this sort of behavior is completely unacceptable. The more you retreat the more she will learn to take advantage of you. Be firm and tell her that you are ready to work on the marriage through counseling. But, if she is determined to wreck the relationship, I'm afraid you have to make some tough decisions

 

Can you show her this discussion on IL ? May be that will let her know whatever she is doing is not only out of norms in India but even in western countries like US etc.I have neither seen nor heard a case like this where a gal is with her husband and her 'friend' has the balls to call her and ask her to come back and she is actually compelled to comply to him and asks you to comply too(WHAT!!??!!) ..No husband can tolerate that in my opinion .I think if yo do something extreme or start ignoring her she will get a reassurance to connect to that guy more and more ,so there has to be some way that you get your feelings across to her before taking a step.Can you write her an email objectively and tell her and mention about these posts too?That will make her realize that her fellow women find this behavior very very objectionable too.You get up ,cook ,come from work ,cook,clean and your wife doesn't help you because she is busy chatting with a 'friend'??Can you ask her like any other relationship,marriage is give and take too,what is she willing to give here?

May be just to make sure that she opens up to the discussion where you can express what you feel,you start with something that she is dissatisfied with like 'i know you may feel very hassled with lack of funds that we have, do you wanna talk ?' this way she will not feel pushed to a corner ...

 

hai preenith
do one thing are you able to give complain about that friend and other wise go to his parents and ask them to control his son.that means MATHIIyosee.anyway try to go to counselling.i pray for u.
regards
hemalatha murali