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Should I Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Oct 21, 2019.

Should I divorce?

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    53.8%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    46.2%
  1. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    So so glad, you are working outside.
    How’s your IL situation? Do they like you?

    Now, fix your immigration status- citizenship or your own GC. Build some nest eggs. Make some good friends and acquaintances. Doing all this, don’t separate. Even friends are easier to make, while married. Do not beg for his equal partnership in marriage while you are doing. Please also start going out with your girl gang.
    All above, is not to make him jealous but to establish a life style for yourself, while still being married.
    After doing all above (shd take 2-3 years), he might have changed- meaning become a little better to live as roommates. If not, then you give him ultimatum and bring him to table. If he stonewalls you still and being mean still, then go ahead with divorce.
    Before divorce, just know that there are very few good men out there, so if you can live alone for next 5 ( hopefully in 5 years you will find someone) or forever, drawing strength from your lifestyle, then go ahead and divorce.
     
    SinghManisha and Lonely12 like this.
  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I still see the poll at 60:40 in favor of staying with the marriage, such as it is. A few months back there was a thread about a complaints website where IL forum had received the review that we are all in favor of advising divorce to married people. WRONG!
     
  3. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Was reading your post from 2 years ago and it looks like nothing has changed much:
    A Vent Out

    :unamused: Sorry I don't have anything to add to some good points from others above. I wanted to add this older thread here so the other responders have more context - i.e. know that you've been having a difficult time for a while now.
     
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  4. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Your kid will be in college in less than 10 years, in those years you focus on immigration, job, friends and hobby and meeting your parents.
    After your kid is in college, divorce.
     
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  5. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you.. I am working towards all the points you mentioned. In laws didn’t treat me well in the beginning.. but now we are all in harmony.. I don’t worry about them much. My employer has not filed for GC yet.. but my husband’s employer has.. right now i am on h1 but if it expires I will have to leave country. My kid is US citizen, so I worry if I divorce, will the full custody go to my husband? I am not sure.. if someone has any knowledge on this , pl shed some light..
     
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for pointing this old thread out . 2 years and the frustration seems to continue.
    @Lonely12 How long will the green card process take? Why not make things simpler by waiting for it to be approved before you take the decision ? Meanwhile, you should make all the necessary preparations for your future independent life. Focus on your career, finances, friends and built a good support system. So if and when the time comes for separation , it should be as pain free as possible.

    If things are unbearable and you are ok going back to India with the son, then plan to separate sooner. Here too, make sure you are well equipped !

    oh yes, I vote for separation . Now or later is your choice.









     
    Lonely12 likes this.
  7. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You cannot take your kid to India without your dh's permission. Its better to wait till GC is approved. How long you have to wait. Have you asked dh about its status. Once you get it, your dh can't cancel it. Be practical. Focus on you , your finance and your supporting system.
    If you are employed, please explore EAP. You can go for free counseling and other legal services through them. Empower yourself. Explore more
     
    BhumiBabe likes this.
  8. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you @SinghManisha & @DDream!
    I am hoping we should get gc within next 5 years.. but it can be earlier or later..no one can predict.. so I think my best option is to wait for few more years.. and plan the exit plan carefully..
     
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  9. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    what is your priority date.

    anything after 2010. just forget it . my H got super stressed couple of years back. now we are in the stage of bliss, do not give a crap. focusing on kids and career.
     
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  10. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    2011 EB3
     

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