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Should I Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Oct 21, 2019.

Should I divorce?

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    53.8%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    46.2%
  1. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Since you all asked for details..

    My husband is asexual. He was never attracted and will never be attracted to me in the future. I was willing to compromise on this but still expected to be loved. That never happened either. He is very selfish. He Only cares for his child. I showed a lot of affection before but still our differences pulled us apart.
    We are two very different people with nothing in common. Only thing we can do together is watch tv.
    Of late he is also being very rude and disrespectful, which I totally hate. He wants to pull the kid towards his side. So he is spoiling my kid as well.
    I have no affair nor have anyone else in my mind.
    The reason I was asking suggestion for divorce is because if I stay in this relation, my life is no way going to change. I will be depressed very often. But if I can get over with it ones, maybe I will get some relief ? I probably could choose some other path...
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  2. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Silver IL'ite

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    There are lots of things hidden in your message which you probably haven't realized. Anyway, my analysis is useless to you and others.

    I think you are having a really bad day and you will likely be better in a day or two.

    I doubt if counselling will help you as you don't have a support system and will need to come back to the same house and look at the faces of your H and kid.

    If things are desperate, try for a temporary separation, move to India for a bit and see if things improve. Good luck.
     
    Lonely12 and SinghManisha like this.
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    It’s your call. People that have healthy marriages with intimacy cannot understand what you are going through. Make sure that you are well equipped financially and able to support yourself before you decide anything.
     
    Lonely12 likes this.
  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, No one can suggest you what to do. If you are really done with this marriage, why dont you try a separation and see how its going. Feeling lonely in a marriage is like living in a hell. Its is better to be alone than living with a person who deny you the basics of marriage. Everyone likes to be loved. If you are single, you dont have to see his face and also there is some hope that you will find someone good in future.

    If you are not in India, its easy to separate I believe. But in India, people stay in those marriages fearing what society will think. As this is not a serious reason ( physical abuse, adultery etc) for others to identity. But only those who are in that situation can understand the depth of the problem. As you have a kid , people will not understand why you think he is asexual . What happened etc..? Have you discussed this issue with parents? do you have supporting system.If not, you need immense courage to face it alone. Are you financially independent.

    I remember reading similar posts on asexual marriages (check married life forum here). Two of the posters (dont have kid) divorced within 5- 10 y of marriage. Another with kid was stuck and depressed, still trying to figure out to what to do.

    So think about all the pluses and minus. Being happy is important. Even if you take a decision. Sleep over it for a few more weeks to see if you want to proceed. If you are confused, talk to a counselor. It will give you better clarity.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
    Lonely12 likes this.
  5. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Silver IL'ite

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    Ok. Some people can live with few things while others will suffocate over the same.

    Take an informed decission, peek over the wall before you jump over it. Be informed of what could potentially be or not be on the other side and then make a move.

    Just because this side of the wall is filthy dosent mean the other side is spic span.
    Good luck :)
     
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Try a temporary separation first n see how you are coping. This time off will help you get a clear head which will help you in taking the right decision n even to settle down the right way.

    You have one life, live it. I personally don’t believe in any relationship that doesn’t have ‘respect’, because that’s the most basic thing.

    Your kid will grow up miserable if miserable parents are raising her.
    If you are separated but happy, then it will make a huge difference.
    So if you choose to divorce, ensure it’s reflected positively n not as some taboo or wrong topic to your child.
     
    hermitcrab and Lonely12 like this.
  7. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    No one other than me knows the issue in my marriage, including my parents. If they come to know for sure they will be devastated and suffer rest of their life. As I am answering these questions for you, I realize it won’t be easy for me to come out of this situation after all.
     
  8. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    You are right! Maybe I will come out of this phase in a day or two.. but the problem is I know it will come back to me very soon... I m in this marriage for 9 years and I know things won’t change after this... but I desperately want to get out..
     
  9. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    True.. I don’t even want to talk to a person who can’t show respect.. especially to a women.. spouse.. I have done so much for this person and he is so ungrateful..
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Please tell what you had done for that person.
    Love, intimacy, deference, and respect as grateful paybacks ?
     
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