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should I ask mil or not?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nskssp, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. nskssp

    nskssp New IL'ite

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    Long story short, we have a custom of mil giving a jewellery when dil comes to their house for the 1st time. For me she gave a gold chain which i use to put my mangalsutra (note: our's was a love marriage). Later for her 2nd dil (arranged) she gave a diamond necklace. I dint feel it rite but raised it with my fil and asked him why this partiality. He comfortingly replied that it was no partiality but this time around they had time and could arrange everything whereas in our case it was all in a hurry. I smiled and agreed, but it has always been in my mind that they see me and my family in differently. Couple of years have passed they now see my true nature and are bondingly well (they are having too many problems with the 2nd dil). Couple of months back mil vouluntarily came and told me i ll give you some gold as we did less for you, you should make some jewellery out of it. It put a huge smile on my face :)) its been sometime she said that but no mention on it since then. I want your opinion on whether I should ask or not and if yes, how i should bring this up.

    it is not about money, so please dont mention it. its like an old skeleton i want to put to rest. I cant just let go of it. i want to score even for various reasons.

    i speak very openly with her and she does the same, but am not able to bring this up and ask her (feeling a lil awkward).. please give me your ideas.
     
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  2. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    If you are enjoying good relationship with them, then I think you should wait. Gold prices have gone through the roof, so even if they intend to, they might not be able to buy gold for you now. The value of love is way more than gold, so cherish what you have.
     
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  3. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    Dont ask...the fact that she said that she knows she did less for you is more than enough...let her be the one to give it..even if she doesnt end up giving dont bother about it...Your relation with her is much more valuable than gold.
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    If she agreed to give some gold so that you can make jewellery out of it, it means she was planning to give her old jewelleries which she expects you to modify. Therefore, price of gold should have no effect on her commitment. Dil is a Dil whether it is love marriage or not. In my opinion, all gifts of this kind are show of love for a person or welcoming the new Dil. There is no point in asking for love unless it is voluntary. But she has an obligation to love you as Dil.
     
  5. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    Things have worked out well for you; you at least get along with MIL now. Not the case for many others who battle issues for a long time. I honestly think that you should not rock the boat. It might work against you and MIL might misinterpret it as money-mindedness on your part. She just might; I do not know how open you are with her and whether you are able to discuss sensitive issues with her without inhibition. If you strongly feel that she will not mistake you and have the courage to face any negative aftermath, you should go ahead and ask.
     
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    No you have to wait.... she has promised you and will do it in the near future and you reminding her will look a lil awkward she even may think you are greedy.... gifts have to be given with love and voluntarily and not by forcing or reminding them, since your relationship with her is great and strong let it be that way.. just for some gold please don't bring cracks into the relationship.
     
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  7. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    You should wait.She is kind enough to accept that she did less for you..That only should make you think twice even before asking.Just give her sometime.I wish my MIL would have said that to me..
     
  8. rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    What is more important than the gold is the relationship you share with your MIL. It is not easy to bond and such a relationship takes a long time to cultivate.

    If you talk of gold now, you may be creating a negative impression of yourself in front of ur MIL. She will feel that you are still holding back some old grudges and again there might be some negativity in your relation.

    So, dont worry about the go;d and how much your MIL gave you. This is just a formality not a necessity. And for a good relationship, one has to break away from formalities.
     
  9. sushmavja

    sushmavja Platinum IL'ite

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    your MIL is in good terms with you and is treating you well.she herself has acknowledged that she hasnt given you much. u should be happy for that.now your relation may spoil if you ask her for the gold. so please wait till she gives by herself.
     
  10. deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    U must wait, if at all she had not asked u this, u could have asked her directly.. But now since she herself volunteered to give u some gold, it has already pricked her mind.. So, u can be happy that she has given it a thought and wait for some more time..
    Asking again will surely create a awkward situation though its not for money....!!
     

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