Should Husband And Wife Be Coachable To Each Other?

No.you were not wrong in correcting him.when said in a polite way the partner has to accept

 

I read the thread title, and thought "coach, eh?". If the two of them are a team, a coach has to be someone other than the two. A good coach need not necessarily be a good player her/him-self.

On the other hand, coach, i.e., "carriage" goes with a horse. If the horse has enuf gumption (also called love) then it goes with pretty much any carriage.

 

With all good intentions you had tried to change your husband's habits but sadly he was not amenable to it.
Ideally, what u say above should be the norm. But, practically I have seen that usually - more than -95% of men have BIG EGOS - and always expect especially in marriage, that their wives should listen to them and not the other way around.
Second time around, I would advise you to talk and get to know the persons overall nature, family background ,
behaviours etc and apart from things which you feel can be tolerated by you even if there is no change, you should go ahead.
Assuming that a person is going to change in major basic issues - like family background and upbringing - is asking for trouble. At the same time, it is not easy to always get 100% of what you desire at the outset, so go ahead with readiness to adjust where u feel u can manage even if there is no change for the better.
Wish you Best of luck.

 

My 2 cents--

No. It's not wrong to have corrected him. He should listen to his wife and change for her. Everyone changes in a marriage. I have changed for my husband and my husband has also changed for me.

NO, you weren't wrong in listening to everyone's advice. Because all the stories you heard from your mom, aunt, cousin is true for them. All their husband's change or wives changed in certain aspect coz they were willing to accept and adapt to the new things.
NO, you shouldn't assume your partners will change automatically for you. The change can happen for many reasons, but I feel you should talk ahead about "how to accept changes after marriage". If I were in your shoes-- I would jokingly ask (before marriage)-- " what would you want me to change after marriage"? This will get the topic rolling and you guys can know what to expect and what not to.

In my opinion, you may not meet a person who has all the qualities that you like.
In your case in second marriage please talk to the guy beforehand-- you and the guy should have at least 50% of same mentality example--like being religious or same career field or share a good outlook of lifestyle or having the same goals in life.
You can't expect your partner to accept to your thinking all the time, there will be times you should also accept his thinking too. Both of you will accept each other and change for each other only if you both 1. want to be together. 2. Respect each other 3. Communicate with each other and of course 4. love and trust each other

NO its not wrong to be corrected or to correct... Yes both of them should adapt to each others needs and if you and your guy are able to communicate effectively- you don't have to worry about "coaching".
*You can't coach an adult* If you are going into the marriage thinking of coaching to change the other person its not a good idea.

1.dont rush into the second marriage-- if you and the guy don't have anything in common or at least 50% of the same mentality. It's not wise to get married.
2.Talk to the guy, get to know him well.
3. Don't tell all your first marriage problems unless you have decided to marry the guy.

Goodluck

 

There is nothing wrong in changing or attempting to change the spouse for better, if both are willing.. key here is to go into a marriage, acknowledging both options, that the spouse may or may not change and you are willing to accept that person either way.

 

The problem lies with the 'you can change everything you want after marriage' attitude of the people ...also known as 'shaadi ke baad sab theek ho jaega'.

Both sides assume that the person can be bent,dented,painted,moulded to the form they require.When that does not happen,they feel chested or hand done.

If you find something that you cannot live with then let go of the person and look for someone with defects that you can live with if the required change does not happen.

 

Cheated or hard done

 

[QUOTE="pruthvee, post: 3952702, member: 163578"

My few questions are -

1) was i wrong in trying to correct him?

2) Also, was I wrong in listening to everyone’s advice? Should we assume that our partners change after marriage?

3) Should we only marry if the person has everything we want or we can assume that he will learn with time?

4) Is it wrong if husband or wife try to correct each other and should both of them coachable to each other and try to adapt with each other?

5) What care I should take when I search partner for second marriage?

Please advise and share your thoughts.

[/QUOTE]

Yes. Its absolutely wrong to marry a person to change him post marriage. You should marry for who he is. Your side had some shortcomings(father health, your weight) and his side too. Its a comprise situation and hence you need to accept each other for who you are.
I hate the aunts and parents who give assurances that guy can be changed post marriage. Even if they say, they should also keep you aware of other family logistics like how they were low's as well in marriage and how they survived the low tide. Did the guy critisize for your overweight and did he try to change you?
IMHO , you are not ready for second marriage. If you havent already gone through IndusLadies forum, go through it and I am sure that you can grasp what is more important .. good looks or good understanding ..

 

I am pretty sure it was something more than the manners, there were other reasons why you two did not get along. Why should he for example, behave the total opposite to what you said, maybe the two of you should have discussed your differences before marriage and then gone ahead. It is not really good to assume stuff especially in marriage alliance, it can be very painful later. Whatever, OP why are you thinking about it now that it's over, you can't change the past, let go of it and look at the present.