Should a women lie about her physical past with other Men?

Naksh seems to justify all is okay, and that he could talk about his past post marriage.
Naksh, What if your wife didn't want to marry someone who had a past. You gave her no choice!

if someone is okay with spouse's past, it doesn't automatically give the right to assume vice-versa.
Abcd, I was on the receiving end, just like you. Unfortunately, I had no choice to opt out before marriage because it was hidden from me!

 

ABCD

what makes you think it is easy for women to deal with this? Just because men do it more often, and females relatively less (or less known), does not justify that women should accept it without any pain!

 

It depends according to me. Nowadays almost every girl has a BF and every boy has a GF. There are exceptions to this statement

If you ask me, what happened in the past is past, So its not a matter of lying to husband or wife about your past affairs or relationships, its about keeping it quiet and making him or her understand that it was the "past" and it cannot be changed. But this is present and future so atleast we can make it as we want

I would suggest this because no one will like it if his wife or husband had any affair or relation in the past. Remember it might be just a BF/GF think as in it may not be physical or no sex happened but we indians give lot of importance to a thing called "sex", so no matter how big our heart is to forgive, it will always be on our mind and we will always know it and remember it. In future if we have a fight with our wife or husband, this will come out in the front " You had an affair and you did this etc etc."

So my advice to anyone who is getting married is to keep quiet. What he/she does not know will not harm them, because my personal feeling is we are indians not western people. In US/UK and other countries, people are more open minded and don't care. But we are very sensitive in this regard.

 

keeping quiet intentionally = lying

 

If husband/wife asks you then its upto you how you want to convince him/her. But if she/he does not ask, do you really want to tell him/her upfront? Lying is when someone asks you and you lie about it. Keeping quiet is when you know something and you don't want to share it because it may hurt your marriage.
It's not lying. Are you saying that you share everything with husband? I am sure if you know that something will hurt him or create a problem in your married life, you will not share. Correct?

Sometimes Silence is Golden. Always remember.

 

We can term it as hypocrisy if the person who answers has had a premarital affair, not told the spouse and then recommends here that the truth should be told. But there are many here who may not have had a past. So the question is entirely hypothetical to them and their answer would be entirely hypothetical based on what they see of the consequences of not telling (in other people's marriage - and hence this is their indirect experience) and how they think they would personally like it to be between themselves and their spouse.

abcdguy, I have not replied to your poll because it is not applicable to me. If your question were "Would you have told" my very honest answer would be "I don't know if I would have had the courage to do so or not. May have, may not have". As I said, hypothetical questions are very hard to answer. If your question were "Should you tell" my answer would be "Yes, absolutely. The other person has the right to know and choose".

 

Obviously dictionaries differ. I don't think things like these are 'white lies'.

You will hide anything for your benefit!

 

Very true Indianinbayarea. What happens if the spouse is one who is particular that he/she did not want a partner with a past? What happens if he/she finds out through some third party after marriage?