Short Story - The Battle - Scene 2

Preethi · Sep 19, 2006

Thanks, Purnima

Hi Purnima,

Thanks for your feedback. To hear my story could touch someone's heart itself a big acheivement for me. For ppl like me who are just trying their hands on story-writing, getting feedback like yours, really encourages and gives me confidence.

I had given a long break to writing stories, but now, after seeing the feedback, I guess I should start writing again.

Regards,
Preethi

Preethi · Sep 19, 2006

A BIG Thanks and Suggestions Pls...

Dear All,

First of all, a Many Many BIG Thanks to all who came back to me giving your feedback for my story. Truly speaking I was really overwhelmed to see immediate responses from all of you. Didn't expect the least that my story would be reviewed and commented on the same day of posting it into the Site.

I am sure all of you would be having lots of responsiblities and work to perform, amidst your busy schedule, having spent time to go through the work of unknown amateur writer like me and having bothered to write back about what you felt about my story, has deeply touched me. I know I have flooded this thread with too many replies from my side, but I feel I am bound to communicate one to one for all your responses and let you know individually how I feel about it. Hope you wont mind.

Also, so far I have seen only positive feedbacks about my story. I am sure there could be something or the other not alright about the story. I am very much open to criticism and would really encourage you all to pinpoint what was wrong in my story, any of you could even suggest a better ending that what I had given to my story, if you feel that's more appropriate. I would love to hear those comments too.

Mr. Varalotti, being a Professional Writer yourself, you could give some guidelines and feedback to amateurs like me and even tell me, how you might have approached this story, if you had been its writer...

Well, thanks for all once again and take care.

Regards,
Preethi

Varloo · Sep 19, 2006

Dear Preeti,
I read the story. It is a very touching one. This shows that a person who has good qualities cannot change to bad, whatever the situation may be. And do you know, the greatest panishment is pardon. One movie had come in Malayalam recenlty, called Perumazhakalam (the rainy season). In the one man kills another, they both ar working in the Arab country. The killer is given the death sentence. Killer's wife pleads for mercy, she is young and has a baby. The Arab govt. tells her tht if the family of the killed person pardones him and sends a letter, they will deport the killer to India. The wife goes and begs the woman whose husband was killed. She is also a young woman, who does not have even baby from the marriage. Atlast, the woman pardons the man and he returns.
You could send this story to Woman's Era. They publish such touching stories often.
One thing I would suggest, you will have to go thro the draft and edit it well. You have given long sentences, and in some places the phrases could be edited. Plese go thro the story again and make the necessary changes. Then sent to the magazine. And do post more of your writings, we all would welcome tht.

Preethi · Sep 19, 2006

Thanks for Pointing out, Varloo

Hi Varloo,

Firstly thanks for reading my story...I dont watch malayalam movies, but I recall reading an article in the newspaper long time back about one movie - the one that you just said, If am correct Meera Jasmine is in the star cast and she had good reviews about her performance..I hope that's the movie you are referring to.

Well, I accept your comments about my story being lengthy at places. If you can cite few places where you feel they are bit long, that would help me to focus on that area to edit..Left to myself, I would not be able to identify which lines are those,as for me every line seems to be appropriate and at the right place. As readers, you're in a better position to point out where things are not quite right. !!

Thanks & Regards,
Preethi Prem

varalotti · Sep 19, 2006

And Here Are My Suggestions, Preethi!

Dear Preethi,
If my own daughter and your namesake had asked for suggestions in writing I will give only these suggestions.
When I started writing (in Tamil first and then in English) people have a lot of suggestions. Somebody wanted me to write like Sujatha. Somebody wanted me to write short sentences, some long descriptions, some wanted me to concentrate on family issues, some on politics.
I am considered a reasonably good writer today because I did not pay heed to all those suggestions.
All these suggestions are bookish, Preethi. When a great idea grips you and you are writing something, you cannot be thinking of style, sentences and all. They all fall in place on their own.
Once I was asked by a group of young writers to give tips. I answered in one word.
"Write."
They wanted at least two words. I said, "Just Write."
And finally a girl pleaded that I should give at least three words of advice and I said,
"Go on writing."
I dont think any other suggestion is practical.
I wish you a very happy, successful, fulfilling career in writing.
regards,
sridhar

Shal · Sep 20, 2006

Sridhar ji is so right! Lemme give u an example!

Dear Preeti,

First off, Congratulations on writing a wonderful story! It got me pondering for a long time! I am a strong believer of Gandhian way of life and have been criticised many a time. But I still go on without grudges and keep getting hit. But it has gotten me success every single time. The father in him had to win because that was what he was, being a doctor was a mere profession!

Coming to the point that I've tried to make in the subject line of this message, well...trust me Preeti, Sridhar ji is sooooo right in saying that you just have go on pouring your feelings with little attention to the style. You know why I say this? When I was young and went to school, I won many an award for writing -essays, stories, poems etc. But as I was growing and learning newer words and more styles of writing, it all got on to me. I would sit with my English teacher for days learning abt newer ways of writing. One day, I penned a poem and was shocked to see that no one liked it! I have lost the creative juices that once just flowed instantaneously. Now, the moment I start writing, I lose the content and concentrate more on the style.

So keep writing, and keep posting. It was a pleasure to read the story so well-thought and written!

Preethi · Sep 20, 2006

A good message in your reply, Mr. Varalotti

Mr. Varalotti,

You have given a very good message in your reply as suggestion...the bottomline is "Be Yourself" when you put your thoughts into writing...Your point is very much valid....!

My concern was to make sure, that if i can make the story more better by making minor changes here and there, I wanted to do it........

Practice was makes a man perfect...I cannot expect to go great jobs when am at the very beginning stage of trying out something like this...Well, as you said, I will keep in touch with writing habits, so that would enhance my writing abilities.

I will very soon post few of my other works too in this forum........

Regards,
Preethi

Preethi · Sep 20, 2006

Shal, You're Right !

Dear Shal,

Thanks for your feedback first...

I should congratulate you for writing poems, essays etc and having won prizes for them during school...you seem to have been very active at extacurricular..!!

Well, Shal, I agree I am also becoming a victim to the same problem as that of yours..I must admit, I am getting too worked up with the style of writing (maybe looking at that way authors like Sidney Sheldon, Jeffrey Archer, Robin Cook, Dan Brown and many others, I am struck with the mindset that its the stylish flow of words that makes the author's work a masterpiece)..

I will try to be as much natural as possible and make sure the story is effective not just in terms of style but in terms of the plot, to make it an interesting read for the readers in the future.

Regards,
Preethi

Shal said:

Dear Preeti,

First off, Congratulations on writing a wonderful story! It got me pondering for a long time! I am a strong believer of Gandhian way of life and have been criticised many a time. But I still go on without grudges and keep getting hit. But it has gotten me success every single time. The father in him had to win because that was what he was, being a doctor was a mere profession!

Coming to the point that I've tried to make in the subject line of this message, well...trust me Preeti, Sridhar ji is sooooo right in saying that you just have go on pouring your feelings with little attention to the style. You know why I say this? When I was young and went to school, I won many an award for writing -essays, stories, poems etc. But as I was growing and learning newer words and more styles of writing, it all got on to me. I would sit with my English teacher for days learning abt newer ways of writing. One day, I penned a poem and was shocked to see that no one liked it! I have lost the creative juices that once just flowed instantaneously. Now, the moment I start writing, I lose the content and concentrate more on the style.

So keep writing, and keep posting. It was a pleasure to read the story so well-thought and written!
Click to expand...

Kamla · Sep 22, 2006

Keep it up!

Dear Preethi....My daughter too is your namesake!

I enjoyed reading your story. You have a vivid imagination and you write with heart. You have received very valuable advice from my friends here. Varalotti's encouragement and Shal's experience should prod you on to write and write more. Keep going. Very often our natural enthusiasm gets stymied with unwanted worries and angst. Don't fall into that trap and curb your writing talent. Keep them coming our way and you will hear from us IL'ites if it is good or bad

L, Kamla

Preethi · Sep 24, 2006

Thank You, Kamla

Dear Kamla,

If you have found my story interesting, am very happy about it...Seriously, all IL feedbacks has been tremenderous and has encouraged me a lot...! I will definitely work towards developing more stories in future and would surely share it with the IL group...! Thanks for your feedback...! It's nice to note that your daughter and I share the same name...Pls give my wishes to her for her future !!

Regards,
Preethi