Separation In Late Pregnancy

I feel sorry for your situation. I am not going to say whether your decision is right or wrong, because you are the best judge of your situation. You have gone through so much, so definitely you will take a right decision which gives you peace in life.

But only thing I want to advice to you is, wait until delivery. It's not easy manage on your own with the small kid, If you are in hospital who will look after your kid? Is someone from India coming to help you?

If not, just postpone your decision of separation for few months. You can take this decision once you are completely settled with new baby and your health.

 

Before I share my opinion..first a few queries abt yr situation.

1. Do you have a job to support yourself & provide health insurance ?
2. Can you drive, shop and take care of your kids by yourself so late in the pregnancy and do the little bits that your husband is probably helping with at the moment ?
3. Can someone stay with you from now until post delivery ?

I would suggest that the smart thing would be to wait until a cpl of months after you have delivered to talk about separation or divorce. Don't put yourself through more trouble just to drill some sense into him. Make sure you figure out arrangements before you have the talk because you don't want be in a sorry situation calling him for money or help after you send him away (assuming that's how it plays out).

Wait. Be patient. Timing is everything. Likely he is as miserable as you in the marriage. But you need help more than he does. If you have put up with him all these years, a couple more months won't hurt especially if you have something to gain in the process.

If you feel like talking, just broach the topic of his rude behavior after your relatives leave. DO NOT talk about separation or anything that may trigger physical aggression from his side, basically stuff you can't afford to deal with at this time. Instead express in a sympathy evoking manner how hurt you felt by his behavior. Atleast you may feel better having expressed that. Check if he might be interested in seeing a marriage therapist (do you want to try this?).

Frankly if you feel you are done, you're done. But if you think you alone or both of you are willing and interested to see a marriage counselor then try that for the interim..

If you ultimately want to call it quits do so after delivery once you are back on your feet.

 

Dear SadMarried,
I'm really sorry for you and wouldn't want anyone to be in such a situation. kcb,Madras2018 have given you
the best advice. Even i feel however upset you are, when it is a question of your longtime future at stake, do not take any knee jerk decisions. Even with having a nanny to manage your toddler, you will still need an extra pair of hands to see to you during your pregnancy and post partum care. You have borne the situation all this while,
so just let things rest till after delivery and your child is stable - at least 4 to 5 months.

 

Dear @SadMarried ,
I am really sorry for your current situation..could not control my tears as I could v well understand your situation being a new mother myself..can you go to your mom in India with your toddler?? Some flights allow flying till 36 weeks..if possible please book your tickets asap and get out of this mess...you need some physical and emotional support dear..this stage is really crucial as worrying too much will shoot up your bp..you have to stay strong for both your kids and my sincere prayers are with you..
Coming to that man, just don't talk anything to him..feel like slapping him..a man who doesn't care for his wife during her most vulnerable phase does not qualify even to be an animal..sorry for being rude...what would you get from talking with him about separation?? He would say ok go ahead as he is the one who tortures you with the d word..do you want to hear it once again??just.don't talk and do anything for him and his idiotic sister..stay calm and pray to God..
Had I been you I would have either gone to India or would have gone to stay at some close friend' s place..I remember from one of your threads that your sis support you..why don't you just go to get and invite your mom there?? You can't trust a nanny completely at this situation..
My blood boils when I see the heights of insensitivity of people like your h and in laws..don't worry karma is a bitch...nothing is permanent in this transient world..all your sufferings would melt away soon...my sincere prayers are with you..my big hug to those wonderful kids of yours..they will be there for you

 

Dear OP, You alone have to take this decision as you alone know the extent of pain and you alone know what is your breaking point. We are here to provide emotional support. I am really hoping you have considered all things, important - finance, insurance, legal custody of your children and your personal ability to go through to, wherever this path will take you. I hope you have involved your relatives in your decision. I hope you have real support. I hope you are taking this decision with a rational mind rather than with your emotions. I really hope the very best for you. May God Bless you.

 

Hi,
Sorry for your present situation. TIME IS THE BEST HEALER. So wait patiently.
I Have undergone the same situation in my life, not once, but "N" no of times. Your children will cure everything. Child is a gift from God, so he will heal all your problems before the unborn arrives. Just pray to God...... How we can't judge the love of mother, we too can't judge the love of Father...... You may not need a husband, but you can't divorce a father........ Happy pregnancy, that should be your priority first.....

 

Hi OP

Sorry for your situation. I want to re-iterate @soulful's point on involving relatives. While I understand that issues are best solved by the couple, sometimes there is just absolutely no way out but to involve other members of the family. And I think now is as good a time as any, your SIL is in the house... expose your husband's bad behavior to his family. The next time he speaks rudely to you, firmly tell him, in front of his sister, that what was so wrong about your question to warrant this kind of reply from him. I understand that it is embarrassing to bicker like that inf front of family, but sometimes, that's what needs to be done. Do not take the burden of presenting a happy facade on yourself when that is not the reality. Sometimes, bullies like your husband need a jolt. Tell him you are thinking of separation very seriously because you are tired of his behavior, especially in front of his family. Talk like you are seeking your SIL's support, don't complain but just state the facts.
Hope everything gets sorted for you.

 

How has he been when his relatives are not around?does he atleast answers your queries,tells you when he goes out?if the answer is yes then postpone your decision of separation until delivery.

Some men feel uncomfortable to talk to wife when thier side of relatives are present just to show off.